Love Thy Neighbor

Cassie-by Caroline Johnston
Adelaide-by Leah Avitabile
Nathan- by Alicia Avitabile

1
Changes
Richmond, Virginia
December 1861

Cassie
I looked up at the big, pine tree that would serve as our Christmas tree. “Oh, Papa, it’s beautiful! The most beautiful tree in all of Virginia!” Papa smiled at me.
“Well, I wanted it to be the perfect Christmas for your mother.” he gestured towards his young wife, Ellen.
Ellen wasn’t my mother; she was my stepmother. My father married the belle of Richmond, Carolyn Park, and they had me, and my younger sister Annabelle. Right after Annabelle was born, my mother died, from an unknown disease. 4 years later, my father married Ellen Robertson. Now, two years later, they had Alexis.
Ellen was not right in the head. She was a crazy person! Annabelle and I were deeply afraid of her. Our father wouldn’t let little Alexis near her, because sometimes Ellen would flail her arms in rage at everybody.
Ellen was over in the corner, with her personal slave, Ruth. Ellen was rocking in her rocking chair and staring off into space. I shivered. I was even more afraid of my stepmother when she was completely silent. 6-year-old Annabelle tugged on Papa’s trousers. “Papa, she has that wild look in her eye again,” she said in a scared voice.
Papa got very angry when we were scared of Ellen. He frowned at Annabelle. “Don’t be afraid.”
He turned to Ruth. “Take my wife upstairs now, please,” he said quietly. Ruth nodded. “Come Missus,” she said. “Let’s go,” Ruth said as she helped Ellen out of the rocking chair.
Later
I was up in my room, reading the Bible by candlelight, when there was a knock on my door. “Who is it?” I called out softly. “It’s papa,” he called back.
I put down my Bible as Papa came into my room. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to me.
“Cassie,” he said in a grave voice. “Yes?”
“I have joined the confederate army.”
I gasped. Papa had joined the army! “But Papa, why? Why would you leave this plantation? Why would you leave us, and the slaves, and Ellen?” Papa sighed. “Cassie, some things are just too hard for you to understand. I must do this. I must.”
I had tears rolling down my face. “Papa, when do you leave?” I asked, choking back even more tears. “I leave in the morning.”
I buried my face in my hands. This was just too hard to imagine. My father was basically abandoning me. I couldn’t lose him! “Papa! Don’t leave! Please!” I was sobbing now. Papa took my small face in his hands. “Cassie, don’t cry. Take care of your sisters and your mother for me, alright?” “She’s not my mother,” I said through clenched teeth. Papa frowned at me.
“I’m leaving Gideon, my personal valet in charge, alright?” I nodded, but it wasn’t all right. It wasn’t.

New York City, New York
Adelaide
Adelaide sat on the porch step, her chin propped in her hands in deep thought. She was thinking about what her father had just gotten through telling her. She thought he had had a beer again down at the Tavern, but this time he was serious. He informed her and Adam that he’d just enlisted for the Confederacy. They all lived in New York where newfangled ideas were becoming bigger and slaves were looked down upon, but Papa didn’t like the decisions the North was making lately. Lately, everything seemed to revolve around money. And that was something the Whitsons didn’t have much of. So he was going off to camp New Years Day and Adam and she would have to fend for their selves in a totally foreign place.
That’s what Virginia seemed to Adelaide; totally foreign. They would be sent down to Richmond the day after Christmas to live with their Aunt Ruthie who they hadn’t seen in ten years. Aunt Ruthie was extremely wealthy and a real sweet lady, so Adelaide wasn’t so sure why they hadn’t talked to her since. She believed there had been a slight split in her mother and father’s families after her mother died three years ago. Maybe it had been something Papa had said back then.
He was drunk often, and when he did he frightened everyone. Adam, sixteen now, was mostly in charge. He could handle moving to Virginia easily; just like he handled all of the pressure Papa threw at him. Papa didn’t get along with Adam, and she hated to see them fight. They were the only two boys Adelaide loved more than the world, yet now her world was changing. No papa, new places, and talk of war. Well not just talk anymore, now it was real. So real sometimes Adelaide thought it was all a dream.
Yesterday was Adelaide’s fourteenth birthday. She was growing up although she didn’t want to. Adam told her she had to sooner or later, but she didn’t believe him. She wanted her mother back so she could climb into her lap again and be rocked like a baby. Though she ‘spected it would be Alice she would rock now. Alice was only three and still sucked her thumb. It was hard to look at her sometimes because they all knew Mother died having her.
“Lady, Lady!” Adelaide turned at the sound of her nickname coming from her little bouncing sister. A quilt blanket trailed behind her as she joined her on the back step. “Don’t be sad, Lady! Even though you didn’t get any presents for your birthday because Papa couldn’t ‘ford them, you can still get presents for Chris’mis! I think I see gifts under the tree!”
Adelaide shook her head. “No, Alsy. We don’t even have a tree.”
“Do to! Adam just cut one down! Come look at it!” she grabbed her hand and dragged her inside to the dining room. There it stood, droopy, short, but green. There were no ornaments. Adelaide sighed but tried to smile for her baby sister, knowing they could never decorate it like a real one.
“Sure Alsy. It’s sure going to be a Christmas this year.” Though inside Adelaide couldn’t help thinking, a Christmas that could change all of their lives.


Richmond, Virginia
Nathan
“Nate, take good care of your mother and baby sister for awhile, because you’re going to be the man of the house while we’re gone, promise?” “Yes, Pa.” Nathan’s shoulders were slumped as he answered sullenly.
“Cheer up my son, soon you’ll be old enough to fight, but I’ll hope this war will be over by then.”
“Dan, you want him to fight when he’s only fifteen! No boy of mine is firing guns that young!” Mrs. Parker exclaimed, and then went back humming to baby Gabby in the creaking rocking chair.
“You can start by fixing that rocking chair while we’re gone.” Pa chuckled. “Or chopping wood for the fire.” Will joined the joking, as he looked at their poor- looking fire, where not even one spark was flaming.
Nathan tried to laugh along, but his smile was faking happiness and his stomach felt queasy whenever he thought about them leaving. “I’m gonna miss you bro, you take good care of my room.” He patted Nate on the back. Why were they all saying goodbye to him, and telling him to keep good care, it should have been the other way around! “Don’t forget to write us letters!” Ma silently cried as Pa lifted up Gabby and kissed her on the cheek. Nathan’s bright blue eyes fogged up but he sucked in his tears for he remembered he was fifteen, he had to try to act like a man now, and be strong. His older brother Will and father were fighting on the Union side with the great Abe. Nathan had chosen to also be with the Union, for he couldn’t stand how they treated his best friend Elijah Bobby, a servant boy for Mr. & Mrs. Walden across the street.
“Don’t leave without letting me give you my coat, blankets, and underwear I knitted for you.” Ma rushed over to bring them a stack of thermal clothing and some food. Nate gave them one last hug goodbye and they got out and left. He hated when you had that feeling after someone you love leaves, and then you want to give them one last hug, or talk with them for one last minute, or smile with them one last second, and right now that was the exact feeling Nate had burrowed inside him.
He closed the window curtain, and Gabby came to greet him with a smile and a slobbery kiss, but Nathan turned his cheek away from her adorable face and walked out the door to the drafty winter weather. He chopped down some wood, gathered it, carried it into the house and tended the fire. Then he brought out the rocking chair, and set it on a table where all Pa’s tools were kept, and started working.
“Hey Nate, whatcha doin?” Elijah Bobby asked. “I’m taking the place of my father and Will, if they ever return.” Nate replied.
“I feel sorry that your pa and brother left you, but I kinda feel real grateful that they’re fighting for our rights, and that there’s still some hope we don’t have to be used fo white snobs work. I’m sure glad you ain’t fighting for the Confederacy like most people around here.” Nate smiled and kept on working. “Need some help?” Elijah questioned. “I could use some.”
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad this Christmas, without half of my family, as long as I still have my friends and the Lord to guide me through my life.

2
Christmastime
Richmond, Virginia

Cassie
It was Christmas day. But it didn’t feel like it. It was just me, Annabelle, Alexis, and our nursemaids, Harriet, Mary, and Lena. Ellen wasn’t even down. She was up in bed, having a wailing spell. Fine with me if she doesn’t come down, I thought. She’d just be in the way.
There were tons of presents underneath the huge tree. And most of them were for little Alexis. She would be spoiled before long.
The cook, Esther came in. “Time for breakfast!” she sang in her cheerful voice. We all went into the dining room and gathered around the table.
There was a feast on the table, eggs, toast, pancakes, muffins, bacon, and sausage. There was coffee, tea, water, and milk to drink. Even though that we Morrises were fairly wealthy, this was a huge breakfast, because butter and sugar were rare.
Gideon, Papa’s personal valet, said grace. He said a nice prayer, but Papa says it better. I know I was selfish, but I wanted Papa to come home, even though I knew he was serving for what he believed was right. Maybe if he was home, Ellen would better, and we could all have Christmas morning together. But that wouldn’t make sense, because I didn’t even like Ellen much most of the time.
It was just Annabelle, Alexis, and I in the dining room with Gideon, because the nursemaids weren’t allowed. Gideon wasn’t usually allowed, but since Papa wasn’t home, he was taking Papa’s place.
There was silence at the table. Alexis can’t even talk, Annabelle is scared of the slaves, Gideon wasn’t allowed to talk until somebody spoke to him, and it wasn’t gonna be me. Well, it was silence until Ruby came running in. Gideon jumped up. “Ruby, what’s the matter?” I looked at Ruby’s dark brown face, but it was pale brown now. Oh no, I thought.
Ruby and Gideon left the room, and I followed. “Cassie!” Annabelle hollered. I ran back into the dining room. “Annabelle, I’ll be right back,” I promised. Annabelle nodded sullenly. I ran back out into the hall. I could hear footsteps upstairs. That must be where Gideon and Ruby went. I ran up the stairs, and into Ellen’s suite.
Ruby was standing by the bedside, tears streaming down her face. I ran next to her. Ellen’s face was as white as a sheet. “Is she...” I said, afraid to hear the answer. Gideon came up behind me. “Not yet,” he said quietly. “But it might be soon. She’s just so sick. In a lot of ways.” I nodded.
Papa would probably blame me if Ellen died. He would say, “Cassie, why didn’t you take care of her?”
“We have to call a doctor,” Gideon said, interrupting my thoughts. “That would be a good idea,” I said seriously.

Adelaide
Adelaide dropped her suitcases on the driveway so she could balance herself as she gazed straight up to the sky. The house was colossal, like any castle she’d imagine in her princess dreams. The mansion was painted white, but fading from the Victorian age. Dying vines crawled up the walls and clung to the gray shutters. The pillars by the door were decorated with stone gargoyles and flowers floated in a spitting fountain in the center of the cobble drive. She had never seen anything like it.
“May I take your bags, missus?”
Adelaide swung around to see a black man, almost dressed too well to be a servant.
“Sure, I guess, sir. But they’re pretty heavy.” She stuttered.
“That’ll do.” He tipped his hat and carried them in. Adelaide glanced over at Adam, who had just refused to let a maid take his things. He hadn’t said a word the whole week trip here, and now the look on his face told her that he could care less where they lived; he just wanted to eat something.
A valet took the horse-drawn carriage to the stables and the two of them followed the other servants up the stone foyer and inside.
If Adelaide had been amazed at the outside of the home, the interior could only be better. They stood in an empty hardwood hall with a high ceiling and crystal chandelier. In the dining room she noticed a grand piano and glass cupboards filled with china. As she continued to look around, she realized something that made her heart jump.
“Where’s Alice?”
Adam rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air.
“I thought she was with you! How could you lose her?”
Adelaide sighed, thinking, she wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to keep up with, but she kept quiet. Just as panic began to bubble in her stomach, a woman’s voice echoed down the hall. They both looked up to see Aunt Ruth descending down the spiral staircase with a little girl pulling at her arm.
“Your sister is such a charm! The angel was dragging me halfway around my house to see everything!”
“We’re sorry, ma’am.” Adam spoke up.
“Oh don’t be sorry! But look how much ya’ll have grown! The last time I saw ya’ll, this one here didn’t even exist.” She smiled as she swung Alice up on her hip. She stood before them, lively and grand, and they all just stared, not remembering her.
“Well, my children,” she set Alice down who ran to hide in Adelaide’s skirts. “Or maybe I shouldn’t call you all children anymore.” She chuckled to herself. “Well then, nieces and nephew…how do ya’ll like that?”
“Better, ma’am,” Adam answered, wanting her to get on with her point.
“No need to call me ma’am! You’re gonna have to learn to lose that silly habit around here young man. Don’t consider being proper…I like people to act their age. Well anyways, where was I?”
“Nieces and nephews.” Alice squeaked.
“Oh yes! Adam, you may take your things upstairs. The second door on the right is all yours.” He nodded and left. Adelaide’s throat tangled with butterflies. She didn’t want her brother to leave just yet. She wasn’t so sure about being left alone with Ruth.
“And you, my pretty… pretty…” she scratched her head.
“Adelaide. Named after my mother.”
“Oh my goodness how could I forget my dear sister’s name like that? Yes, you pretty thing may go up stairs to the last door on the left. Your things should be waiting for you there, and your sister’s room will be next-door to yours as she wished.”
“Oh she doesn’t need her own room!”
“Now, now, I have plenty more space than I can handle. Well go get settled, and I picked out your room personally for you. It was your mother’s once, I hope you like it.”
Adelaide wanted to skip to Aunt Ruth and bear hug her she couldn’t be happier. But instead she controlled herself and left on wobbling legs, little Alice tagging behind her.
“Oh and supper’s at six! You won’t want to miss it, I assure you!” she called over her shoulders at them.
Later
Adelaide lay on her bed, closing her eyes and imagining she was home. Even the canopy bed, window seat, or balcony couldn’t sway her from feeling homesick.
Lying on her pillow she wondered when the last time her mother slept in this same bed, dreamed wishes, or stood on the balcony with the wind in her hair and the sun shining to the west. How come she couldn’t live a grand as life as her mother’s?
Growing up had mostly been hard for Adelaide. Sometimes she even grew angry with her mother, why did you marry papa? You were rich and could marry anyone you wanted… why settle for an alcoholic stubborn man like her father? Adelaide secretly told herself she wouldn’t marry at all. She’d rather live an old maid than love someone more than her papa and brother. Aunt Ruth was single and look how she was living!
Adelaide sighed, already bored with paradise. Just then a bell rang from downstairs. “Supper!”
Adelaide covered her ears, ignoring her growling stomach as she turned over on her new bed. She didn’t feel like eating. Today she felt lonely, without a friend or either parent to depend on.

Nathan
“Elijah Bobby, you get here right now, or I’ll drag you by your ears, you’ve been runnin away too much, and it’s about time you get your switchin!” Elijah gulped silently and had a nervous look on his face, he quickly waved goodbye, and ran off. Nathan shook his head at how pathetic they treated him; he sure hoped Abraham Lincoln would win this war.
Christmas had gone by fast without Will and Pa.
“Nate, I’m worried about you, you haven’t said much since they left, and all you’ve been doing is work. You know they were kidding around about having to do all that work.” Ma sat down next to him. Nate set his bible down.
“I know, I just wanted to do it. Besides, what else am I going to do?” Ma sighed, and went back to her knitting. “There’s a letter from your pa for you, I set it on you dresser.”
“I know, I already read it, it’s in the trash if you want to see it.” Ma looked angry. “Why is it in the trash?”
“It was just a piece of crap! All of his words were cut out and he could only say about two sentences.” Ma just clicked her tongue, and rose up to get Gabby. “If you really want something to do, I’ve heard there’s some people moving into that big fancy house across the street, three houses down. I’m sure they could use some help moving all the boxes in. The only thing a young gentleman could do to help is go on down there and help move them.”
“Fine I’ll go.” Nate put his coat on, and got up to leave, when Ma ran across the room with some fresh baked bread to give them.
“Oh and don’t forget the strawberry jam, I made all by myself.” Ma was unusually flighty.
“Since when did you make jam?” Nate asked.
“Since now, now go on!” Nathan laughed and slowly walked out in the snow.
Walking down the snowy dirt road, he glanced over and saw Cassie Morris strolling down also. She looked much attractive in her fancy pink dress, and bow, with her long shady brown hair flowing behind her. Pa always informed him that when you see a young lady you tip your hat and greet her with a “Hello Madam” or something like that. But what do you do when you have no hat to tip?
Nate took a deep breath “Hey,” he nodded his head. Cassie smiled “Hello Nathan.”
“You like nice,” he told her. “Why thank you.” Her dimples showed behind her freckles.
“I heard your father was leaving to fight for the Confederacy, my father and brothers are also fighting, but they’re for the Union. I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel, kind of a coincidence we’re both getting fresh air, right?” Nate smiled.
Cassie returned the smile, nodded and walked off. Nathan kicked rocks along the way till he walked up to the mansion. He looked all the way up, took a deep breath and knocked against the tall fancy doors. The sound of his dry knuckles rapping against the wood echoed through the whole house. Finally, a tall middle-aged woman opened the door.
“Ma’am, I came to help you move in, and here’s some bread my ma made for you,” Nate handed her the warm plate, that had kept his fingers warm the whole way, and once she took it, the warmth instantly left them.
“Why thank you, how nice, come on inside.”
Once Nate entered the widely spaced empty looking room he immediately grabbed a heavy box that was filled with books. “If you need a hand, Fred here will help you.” A young black man offered a hand. “No- no I’m fine, I’ve got it, thank you.” Nate replied.
“Last room on the left is where that box belongs.”
He slowly walked up the steep spiral staircase; afraid he was going to drop the books, until he finally got to the room and knocked quietly. A small hand slowly opened the door, and a beautiful young girl whom looked about fifteen with a fancy gown, and blonde wavy hair glanced at him. She looked confused, as if she didn’t know where she was.
“Nathan Parker, sorry if I startled you, I just came to help you move in. If I’m mistaken, I think these belong to you.” He set the box down on the silky soft canopy bed.
“Yes, thank you,” she answered smoothing out her hair. “Oh, forgive me for not telling you who I am, Adelaide Whitson.”
Nate shook her hand. “Nathan-“ “call me Nate please.” “Nate-it’s very kind of you to help, I appreciate it.” She was looking into his eyes smiling. Ma always told me my blue eyes were God’s gift to me, for they really charmed the ladies. I laughed at that, but occasionally girls had been admiring him just for his cerulean eyes. Nate turned away for he couldn’t stand pressure, and he couldn’t find anything to say. They just sat there in silence for a while. A great relief swept off his chest when she finally had spoken.
“I’m not really living here, that lady you met is my aunt. She owns this place. My papa is fighting for the Confederacy so we’ll be staying here for a while. Me, my brother Adam, and my younger sister Alice.” A bottomless pit had fell in him, how come they all have to be for the Confederacy? Maybe because I keep forgetting Virginia is the Confederacy’s capital. Oh well, I’ll still stand for my ground.
“My pa and brother Will are fighting for the Union. We’re from Boston, but I was born down here.” He paused, was that all he could think of? It didn’t seem to matter to her as much as it did to Cassie; she just nodded and replied, “We’re from New York.” Adelaide smiled, “it’s good to see someone from the north here. I’m getting sick of all these irritating southern accents.” Nate laughed at that. Then he realized it was getting dark out, but he had only helped move one box! Oh well, he thought, ma was probably getting worried.
“I’m sorry, I have to go, but it was nice visiting you, Addie, and I’ll come visit by anytime, if that doesn’t bug you.” He chuckled.
“Not at all, I could use some friends. Good-bye.” She smiled.
He stumbled down the steps, quickly got up and hurriedly said goodbye to her aunt. “Wait young man, here take this coin for you were a generous help,” “No thank you, I really didn’t do much, but if you’d excuse me I have to go now.” Then Nathan ran all the way home to fill up his empty stomach.

3
Dark Times
1862

Cassie
The doctor was in Ellen’s suite when I got back from my walk. I had seen Nate while I was walking, and my, was he handsome! I wish I had somebody to talk to about that, but I had no friends! Papa thought I should be an independent child, and not a child with so many friends. I thought that was preposterous, but that was just Papa.
Harriet, my nursemaid came running out of the parlor. “What’s the matter?” I asked with a sigh. “It’s Alexis; she has fallen and hit her head.” I picked up my skirt, and ran into the parlor, with Harriet on my heels.
Alexis was on the floor, kicking and screaming, holding her head, not letting anybody get near her. Annabelle was standing in the corner, looking terrified. I bent down near Alexis and stroked her head. “Alexis, Alexis, it’s going to be all right,” I said in a soothing voice. Alexis stopped kicking at my words, and calmed her crying down a little bit. I picked her up, and rocked her.
Lena, Alexis’s nursemaid, rushed forward to help, but I waved her away. “It’s alright, I’ve got her.” I continued to rock Alexis, until she fell asleep. Lena and Harriet breathed sighs of relief as I carried my baby sister up the stairs to put her in the bed. I came out of the nursery, but the doctor stopped me from going further. His eyes were hollow. “I’m sorry.”
Later
Ellen had died, and that was that. The doctor said it was probably pneumonia, but nobody really knew.
There was a small graveyard in the backyard, where my mother had been buried. I didn’t want Ellen to be buried right next to my mother, but there was no other place to put her. The pastor from our church came and preached a sermon, but it was just me, and a few slaves. No neighbors, no friends.
Alexis and Annabelle stayed inside the house. I didn’t want them seeing Ellen being lowered into the ground. A letter had been sent out to Papa, but who knows if he got it. Nobody knew where he was; he hadn’t sent a letter yet.
Later
The next day, I was sitting in the drawing room, when there was a knock at the door. The housekeeper, Edna answered it. She came hurrying into the drawing room. “It’s for you, miss.” I went out into the entryway, to see Nate. I started blushing furiously. Why did I always do that when boys came around?
“Hello Nate,” I said softly. “Hi Cassie,” he said. “I’m sorry about your mother.” I stiffened. “She’s not my mother; she’s my step-mother.” “Oh, well, I’m sorry about your step-mother.” I nodded. “Thank you.”
Nate cleared his throat. “Um, well, my ma sent this to you.” He handed over a loaf of bread with jam. “Thanks,” I whispered. He smiled before he scooted out the door.

Adelaide
Despite the New Year’s celebration Aunt Ruth had insisted upon last night, the next morning Adelaide still awoke with a hollow feeling inside.
Since they never celebrated much except Christmas with stockings full of sugar cane sticks and birthdays with new shoes each year, Aunt Ruth wanted them to experience one. So she had filled all their glasses with Champagne except for Alice who had to accept apple cider, and danced in the ballroom. Adelaide had watched Adam twirl little Alsy around and Ruth’s slender fingers tinker along the piano keys to the perfect tune.
But Adelaide sat in the corner, her bottom sore from the cushion, and no longer wished for any more of her aunt’s “celebrations”. She could only figure a real celebration filled with joy would have to be with papa, and even mama. No, she was not happy at all. And it seemed as if nobody noticed her. Maybe she blended into this grand, elegant background around her. Sometimes Adelaide would rather be swallowed up by the giganticness of the new wealthy environment then be a part of it.
Later
Adelaide joined her brother outside in the backyard, where he was chopping wood for Aunt Ruth’s fireplace. Aunt Ruth was grateful to have a helping man around the house. It was chilly and getting colder by the minute, so Adelaide hugged her shawl around her shoulders tighter.
Adam stopped to wipe sweat from his forehead and turned at the sound of her. “What are you doing out here, sis? It’s too cold for you…why don’t you go on back inside? Alice is looking for you.”
“That’s exactly why I came out here. So she won’t find me.” She teased, but he didn’t laugh. She sat down on a stump despite her brother’s orders as he finished up the last log.
“Why are you watching me? You enjoy watching people work, or something? Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“No. Not here, anyway.”
“Can’t you be grateful for once, Adelaide? I mean…look at where we’re living!”
“I see it. I notice it everyday, and each day makes me miss home more and more.”
He stuck the ax in the leftover stump and rolled down his plaid sleeves. “There was nothing for us back home. With Papa and New York, living was too hard on all of us. Don’t you see? I can finally find a real job here, and you can go to school next year! And Alice, well, she thinks she’s finally got a mother.”
“So she gains a parent but loses another, Adam.”
“No, you know damn well Papa was never there for us. It’s all for the better that he went away.”
“How can you say that? He could be dying in the cold with a gun wound somewhere and all you can say is thank God?” Adelaide stood up, fuming and pointing fingers frantically. “Sure maybe he didn’t treat you as good as he should’ve, but you could at least have showed some more respect to him! And now you’ll never get that chance…” she collapsed back on the hard stump with tears rolling down her red cheeks. Adam, feeling regret, went over and hugged his younger sister.
“I’m sorry, sis. But there’s nothing more we can do now. What’s done is done.”

Nathan
Nate got up from bed to the sound of Gabby crying. “Mama- Mama!” Nate ran out of the room to her wooden crib Pa had built for her. He slowly swooped her in his arms and opened ma’s door.
“Ma, are you feeling alright? Its 40 degrees up here and you’re sweating to death!”
“I’m fine Nathan; I’ve just got a fever, could you take care of her until I feel better? You can take her coats and blankets and take her for a walk; I don’t want her to get the fever, in this stuffy house.” “Yes, ma.” Nate bundled up Gabriella and took her hand to take a walk out in the blistery cold. This would be the second day in a row he took a walk.
“Nate, whatcha doing up this early?” Elijah Bobby called out chopping wood as he wiped his sweaty forehead with his torn sleeve. “My ma’s not feeling well.” Nathan answered. Elijah tickled Gabby’s stubby legs, and she giggled back at him.
“Ya know, we got this real fine doctor here, I’m sure he could fix her up good.”
“That would be great, but do you really think Mrs. Walden would allow us to lend him?” Nate asked.
“Sure, she aint that mean, you’d think she probably wants your ma well, then there’s the less chance she’ll get sick!” Elijah and Nate laughed together, at the bad joke. “You just keep walking with your cute little sister, and I’ll have him sent right to your house within a jiffy!” Elijah replied. “Thanks again!” Nate called out and Gabby waved goodbye.
Nate took a short- cut through some trees to visit the icy creek. “Watah.” Gabby giggled at the sound of the bubbling creek. Nathan visited the creek often; he thought it was the most beautiful thing in this neighborhood, besides-“Addie Whitson, what are you doing out here?” Nathan called out; he sat down beside her smiling.
“You startled me, aww is that your baby sister?”
“Yeah, her names Gabriella, or Gabby,” he smiled looking over at the plump little marshmallow. “Looks like you discovered my favorite place early,” he said skipping rocks, while Gabby copied him. “My ma’s sick with a fever. But we’re getting a doctor to help her get well.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” Addie said softly.
Loud footsteps started coming closer to the creek, a figure of a girl wearing a big fancy dress walked over. Nate picked up Gabby and set her on his lap. Cassie looked surprised to see other people sitting at the creek.
“Oh I’m sorry to bother you two,” Cassie swatted a bug and quickly turned away. “No it’s fine, I’m gonna leave anyways.” Addie told her. “No please don’t go, we can all sit together.” Cassie set her Bible down. Nate took his shoes off and dangled his feet in the water, but quickly drew them back at the quick reaction of the chilly water against his toes.
“So how are you two doing?” Cassie asked politely, fixing her skirts. “I’m doing fine, thank you.” Addie replied.
“Have you gotten any letters from your pa’s?” Nate asked them. “Yup, but they weren’t much.” Cassie answered. “Same here.” Nate started skipping rocks again.
“Did you hear about Cockpoint being shelled today?” Nate asked, but nobody answered. I guess it wasn’t a good subject to start with, at least with girls.
Nathan picked up Gabby and placed her on his shoulders, he started skidding in the snow, shuffling his worn out boots on the icy ground. He leaned against a tree and took a heavy sigh. Why was it always him who had to start the conversations? Did they not like having him around? Maybe because he was for the Union, big deal, he wasn’t disgusted of them, and they were both for the Confederacy! He spit on the ground, and Gabby started imitating.
“It’s good to see other people out here, a lot of rich hermits in this neighborhood,” he laughed glancing around at the all of the big houses, but only Gabby laughed with him. Adelaide managed to smile though. Cassie got up to leave; Nate placed a cold hand on her shoulder. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry, I meant no offense!” she ignored him, picked up her skirts and kept on walking. Golly, I try to get a laugh out of these rocks and I screw up! I’m such an idiot! I should have known girls were more sensitive, I guess they just can’t make fun of themselves for once, and laugh at it like I do!
“Am I some idiot, or something? Do you guys only hang out with people for the Confederacy, I was just joking!” Nate called out back to her. Addie looked surprised at him raising his voice. “It’s not you Nathan, it’s this damn war!” she cried.
Nate was surprised at her language, but he understood the anger, he placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’ll be alright, we can get through this together, I promise. Nate tried to reassure her, his warm breath brushed against her cheek. He put an arm around her waist while she wiped away her tears and walked home. Gabby ruffled Nate’s dark blonde hair, and placed her warm mittens, against his bitter pink cheeks. “Say hello to Adam for me, Addie.” Nate waved back and bent his head down while he kicked clumps of snow all the way home.
Later
Nathan silently placed his sleeping baby sister in her crib, and kissed her on the forehead. He heard some whispering and he slowly pushed the door open.
“Ah, now this must be Nate,” a tall broad man shook his cold dry hand. “Yes, sir.” Nate replied. “I’m Doctor Smith. And I’m here to help your ma fight this fever off. I gave her some medicine, and she’s getting her rest now, which is just what she needs, so her body can fight it off. So she should be better by the morning. Okay? I respect you, young man; you’re a real strong and responsible boy.” He took his bag and left. Nathan walked in his room and sat down on his bed, the spring immediately making his butt sink down. Nathan sighed and sat on the floor, and then started to read more of his Bible.



4
Hope and Trust

Cassie
I stormed into the house, angry. Nate could really get on my nerves, though I liked him so much! Why do I fall for boys like him? I thought, not really angry with Nate, just with myself.
“Cassie! Cassie! You’re home! Where were you?” I lifted Annabelle up, and kissed her forehead. “Anna, what are you doing up so early?” I asked. Mary, Annabelle’s nursemaid came rushing down the stairs. “Miss, what are you doing down here?” I smiled sweetly at Mary. “It’s ok.”
Annabelle looked into my eyes. “Cassie, come read to me, please.” I grinned at her. “Sure, let’s go,” I said, forgetting all about Nate.
Later
I was outside in our garden, reading a book, when I heard footsteps behind me. I looked up to see Adelaide standing there. “Hi,” she said. “Hello,” I said shortly, returning to my book.
“What’s the matter with you? Did I do something wrong?” she asked. “What’s the matter with everybody?” I nearly shouted. “It’s the stupid war, that’s what’s the matter with everybody!”
We looked at each other for a minute. Then we burst out laughing. “I’m sorry,” I said. Adelaide smiled. “It’s ok, I understand.”
We were silent for a minute, and then we looked at each other again. I started talking all of a sudden. “I really need a friend. Would you like to be friends?” I asked. Addie nodded. “Sure; I’d like that.”


Later
I was in the stables, letting the stable boy, George saddle up my horse for a ride. I was meeting Adelaide for a mid-afternoon ride in the woods.
Ten minutes later, I was trotting beside the creek, up on my horse, Lady. I was impatient for Adelaide to show up, because I wanted to tell her something. But when she showed up, she showed up with her brother, Adam. “I hope you don’t mind if Adam joins us,” Addie said. I shook my head, though I couldn’t tell Adelaide that I liked Nathan right in front of her brother!
We rode for a while in silence, until Adam and Addie started talking about their cute little sister, Alice.
“I love young children!” I told them, saying I that would very much like to meet Alice. “Well, then let me introduce you two,” Adam said grinning.
They led me back to their aunt’s house. They led me up to Alice’s room, where I met her. “Play dollies with me!” Alice cried. I grinned. “My sister Alexis would love to have a play-mate like Alice!”
So I ran back to my house, I fetched Annabelle and Alexis and ran back to Adelaide’s house. We put them together in Alice’s room, and they started playing “dollies” together. They were all laughing and playing, and having a grand old time. “Look at them! It’s like they were born friends!” Adelaide said excitedly. I nodded. “Yes, it does seem that way, doesn’t it?”
Someone in the doorway cleared his throat.
“Aunt Ruth!” Adelaide said. “I didn’t know you were home! I thought you went into town!” “I did, but I’m back now.” Addie’s aunt moved towards me. “Adelaide! I’m so glad you’re making friends with the neighbors!” Adelaide and I smiled at each other. “I’m glad too.”

Adelaide
Thunder crashed above their roof with a sudden boom. Adelaide found shelter deep beneath her heavy comforter. She tossed and turned, her sleepy eyes filled with troubling thoughts. She couldn’t stop feeling embarrassed about how pitiful she had been the past week. She had even cried right in front of Nathan, like a pathetic baby. She remembered how he had wrapped his arms around her so tenderly but unexpectedly. Adelaide blushed to herself just at the thought of it.
Suddenly the balcony French glass doors flew open and caused her to jump from bed. She struggled against the billowing curtains that blew in her face as she blindly shut them against the wind. She fastened it with the lock and drew the drapes close, leaving the room darker than ever before and shadows cast all along the corners of the walls.
Climbing back into bed as quickly as she could, she lit the candle in the oil lamp and flicked it brighter than dim. The gloomy room seemed to bring all her fears back to the surface. The only thing she could think of at the moment that she hadn’t thought of in a while was to reach for the Bible that lay on the bed table. She had always been curious to look at her mother’s old belongings, imagining which of them were her prized possessions or just junk she had once despised.
Engraved on the leather bound cover was her mother’s maiden name in gold, Adelaide Lillian Thomas. She traced the words over with her finger, as if they were fictional. She opened it up to where her mother had a page book marked in Colossians, and stumbled over a passage she had circled with ink.
God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who has done you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.
Adelaide’s hands trembled as she slowly closed the Good Book and placed it back on the bedside table. Something sent chills up her spine and raised bumps down her arms that weren’t just from the chilly storm. She snuggled back down under her covers, all the while contemplating within what good that message had given her. Suddenly a flash of lightning filled the room with light for less than a split-second, yet still long enough for Adelaide to notice someone standing in her doorway. Another clash from the roaring sky resulted in a slamming door and someone’s little feet pattering across her room, fast.
“Is that you, Alsy?” Adelaide whispered.
The tiny girl whimpered a yes and hopped on to her mattress. Before Adelaide could ask her what she wanted, her sister had already joined her side and tangled herself in a mess of blankets.
“Is it alright if I sweep with you? I keep hearing papa’s cannons.”
“Papa’s cannons?”
“Yes. Adam read to me out of da noosepaper, and he said cannons help fight the cibal war, and day blow forts to smithereens! So I asked him if maybe papa was using one, and he said if you ever hear thunder in the sky, know it’s only papa fighting off dose dang northies!” Alice couldn’t see her older sister slowly smile and roll her eyes in the dark.
“I think you’ve been listening to Adam too much.”
“But Ruthie say you can never listen too much. And dat I should mind my big brover.”
“Well papa’s safe but there is no cannon nearby. Really, thunder is just the angels bowling up in heaven.”
Alice rolled over and stared up at her sister, who was playing with her blonde curls. All she could see was a pair of baby blue eyes filled with dreams gazing at her.
“So who wins? That wouldn’t be fair because God would always win, right? Even the angels don’t have a chance…”
“Oh, I s ‘pose so, unless Satan decides to join in the game and cheats.”
“But God would know. He knows everything.” She whispered to herself satisfied. Adelaide listened until Alice’s breath came slow and soft. She was asleep. Adelaide rolled over and could feel the little one’s warm body against her. Happy thoughts came flooding into her memory at that comfortable moment. She thought of her new friends nearby and sweet Aunt Ruth, and knew there had to be something better than Civil wars and torn families. As if magical, the same verse popped in her head so clear she could read it off her brain. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.
Nathan
Nathan entered with the wind accidentally slamming the door. His squeaky boots sounded loudly in the hallway. He lifted off his jacket and boots, shook his long wet, cold hair like he was a dog, drying his fur. “Here’s the stuff you wanted me to get in town.” “Thank you, sweetie, it’s about time you cut that hair of yours.” She laughed looking at it. “What’s that you have under your coat, your hiding?” “Just a newspaper, wanted to keep it dry so I could read it,” he smiled as the newspaper made a snapping sound as he shook it open. “What did you get it for?” ma asked curiously. I always knew when she was curious, she got that mysterious look in her eyes as if she’s dying to know, and she’s going to try everything she can to figure it out.
“I was going to read up on the war, see how the union’s fighting.” Ma shook her head. Nate skimmed it over then ripped it, balled it up and threw it in the trash. “This piece of crap wasted my nickel! It’s got one heading about the war, and it’s all about the Confederacy! I should have known!” Nate trudged upstairs and walked in Will’s room. He sniffed in the smell of dust. Sitting down on the wooden chair Will built for a contest and won, he felt as if he was sitting in his own brother’s arms. He blew an inch thick of dust off the desk, and trying carefully not to splotch ink with the flimsy feather, he began to write on a wrinkled up sheet of paper he found.

Dear Pa,
Where are you fighting? Have you seen Will lately? I hope you had a merry Christmas and New Year. Could you have a slim guess about whose winning the war so far? It’s hard for me, Pa. All my friends are for the Confederacy, but I still am strong and stand up for you. I guess that’s just the way it’s going to be until this war is over. My friend Elijah Bobby is the only one that gives me hope that Abe and you guys are gonna win this war. I think I about made his day telling you guys left, He’s got the most hope I’ve ever seen in someone, And that someday his life will be worth living, and I’m proud to know that you could be part of making that happen. Gabby’s growing so fast, I try to teach her to say da-da each day, but I really wish she could see your face again; she sure is looking a lot like you. Ma was sick a couple days ago, but Elijah was nice enough to get a doctor, and now she is well again. I met this nice girl who just moved in across the street, Plus, I think I may be helping Cassie get out of her shell. I may have hurt her feelings, but I think that’s the price you have to pay to see inside her real personality, Maybe its just because I’m the only one whose trying to be strong, and get through this war, I must have inherited some faith from you, Pa. It’s the blame of this war that is making everybody down to the dumps. And my job is to make them their selves. Even when there is killing a few states away. But that’s just the fact of life you have to face. I’ll pray for you each day, pa, I miss you lots,
Nathan Parker

I read over my letter, and stamped Wills imprint of melted wax seal on it. Then I stuck it on top of Ma’s bureau. I walked into my room and sat down on my bed. Even though I didn’t have a fancy window seat, and canopy like Addie and Cassie, I could make one myself, like pa always said if you have a problem, fix it. The Parker family might not be rich in money, but we had the gift of wealth in everything else.
I scooted my bed over to the window with the help of this family’s inheritance of burly arms. I laid my chin into my sweaty palms, and just went into deep thought looking and hearing the pleasant sluggish sound of rain. I watched women tugging up their skirts, with their fancy parasols floating out of their slender hands. I gazed at the little kids with their bare feet splashing into the puddles. But I didn’t see any men. All of our men right now are screaming for mercy, with blood wounds and missing body parts. Where the sound of gunshots could kill your eardrums, and the sight of bombs and cannons blowing up, could blind your eyes. But most importantly, where the sight of dead people and fighting in war every day, could affect a soldiers life forever. I have faith and prayer that that won’t ever happen to pa or Will. For some reason, as I looked at everybody through the window, there was this same look in everybody’s eyes but one thing that they were all missing, hope.
Later
After finishing a delicious chicken soup, Nathan was warmed up. Something about rainy days he could never figure out why he loved them so much, but he never had anything to do. He discovered Will’s checkers set underneath his bed, that Will and him used to play all the time, but he could never beat Will. He was undefeated. But Will wasn’t here to play it with him, so he was really bored stiff. So he took out his wooden yo-yo, and rocked the cradle, and went around the world, and he even got it to sleep. This was something Will was also a champ at. But why is it that I finally get the tricks perfect, and Will isn’t here to compete with? It was finally then, when the rain stopped. It just stopped. Nate pulled open the window and he looked up to see a colorful gleaming rainbow glistening through the clouds. The first thing that came to mind was God keeps his promises. Nate tried to think of the last promise he made when he remembered telling Addie “We’ll get thru this together, I promise.” He had hope and trust he could keep that promise.


5
Difficult Surprises

Cassie
Lark, one of our many servant boys, brought the mail into the sitting room, where I was playing with Alexis. “Miss, here’s the mail,” Lark said. “Thanks,” I said. I grabbed the mail from him, hoping that there would be a letter from Papa. There wasn’t.
But there was a letter from my uncle Carl Brown, my mother’s brother. What would she want? I wondered.
I tore open the letter. I skimmed over the letter quickly.
Dearest nieces,
I am so sorry that your stepmother, Ellen died. I felt so bad. I am coming to visit you next week. Please be prepared.
Your Loving Uncle,
Uncle Carl Brown

I checked the date on the letter. It said January 27th. Next week would be February 4th. Which was today!
Oh no! Uncle Carl is coming today! I ran up the stairs. “Edna! Edna!” I shouted.
There was a knock on the door. I turned around and ran back downstairs. I opened the door.
“Uncle Carl!” I screamed. I gave Uncle Carl a huge hug. “Uncle Carl, I missed you!” He gave me a big hug back. “Cassie-lou!” I grinned at the old nickname. Annabelle came running down the stairs with Edna on her heels. “Cassie! Who’s that strange man?” “Annabelle, don’t be silly, this is Uncle Carl!” But Annabelle hid behind my skirts.
I couldn’t blame her. She probably didn’t remember him. Uncle Carl traveled, to Oregon and California. He hadn’t visited in three years. He hadn’t even met Alexis yet.
“Let me take your bags, sir,” Jonathan said. “Thanks,” Uncle Carl said with a warm smile. “But I can take it.” Jonathan looked surprised to have anyone refusing his help. Uncle Carl bent down towards Jonathan. “How old are you, boy?” “I’ll be nine next week,” Jonathan said. “Well, then, you can be expecting a chocolate cake for your birthday, alright?” Jonathan grinned. “Thanks sir!” he said excitedly.
I looked at Uncle Carl with a surprised look on my face. “Why did you tell Jonathan he would get a cake? He’ll be so disappointed when he doesn’t get a cake!” Uncle Carl frowned. “What are you talking about? I’m going to give that boy a cake!” “But…” “But nothing! I wouldn’t lie to a little boy like that!” I sighed. Papa had always said we weren’t to give the slaves special treatment. Mama always had, and Papa often got angry with her. Uncle Carl and Papa had never agreed on things, and one thing they disagreed on was slaves.
“But Uncle Carl, I thought you were against the war.” “I am, but that doesn’t mean that I think slavery is right.”
“Mister Brown, what would ya be likin’ for supper?” Esther asked Uncle Carl. “Please, call me Carl,” Uncle Carl said kindly. “And why don’t we let Cassie decide while she’s helping you.” I gasped. “You want me to help in the kitchen? Uncle Carl, I’ve never done such a thing, and Papa wouldn’t approve.” “Cassie, your papa isn’t here, and I say that you go help this good lady in the kitchen!” I nodded, not wanting to disappoint Uncle Carl.
I followed Esther out to the kitchen, a whole separate building from the main house. It was hot inside the kitchen. It’s only February, I thought.
Esther turned to me. “What would ya like for supper?” she asked. I thought for a minute. “Fried chicken and mashed potatoes,” I said referring to Esther’s best dish. “Alright. Then start peeling those potatoes,” she said.
Later
“Supper is served!” the maid Natalie said proudly. The fried chicken and mashed potatoes looked excellent, and it was done in better time because I had helped Esther. Though, I don’t see how, because all the work Esther gave me she had to do for me, because I either messed up, or just refused to do it.
“Uncle Carl, how long are you staying?” Annabelle asked, staring up at Uncle Carl in admiration. “Well, Annabellie, that’s what I wanted to talk to Cassie about.” I looked expectantly towards Uncle Carl for him to start. He cleared his throat. “Uh, Cassie-lou, I want to stay here until after the war. Would that be alright with you?”
I nearly jumped up and screamed with joy. “Oh, Uncle Carl, of course you can stay!” Uncle Carl gave me a wide smile. “Good. That’s what I was hoping for. Because I want to raise you girls the correct way.”
I almost choked on my tea. “What?! You don’t think that we are raised the correct way? How can you say that?! Mama and Papa did a great job raising me, and Annabelle and Alexis are doing just fine!” “Whoa, whoa, calm down Cassie-lou! You young ladies are coming’ up just fine, that’s true; but you’ve been taught not to treat your servants correctly.” “They aren’t servants Uncle Carl, they’re slaves,” Annabelle said shyly. “See, that’s what I mean! You girls need to treat the servants differently.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. If the war lasts long, then we are going to have a fun time with Uncle Carl, that’s for sure.

Adelaide
“Adelaide?” Aunt Ruth stopped her on the staircase, still in her nightshift. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to take Alice out for a walk to the park.”
Adelaide paused, expecting an invitation. But Ruth didn’t bother to ask her to come along. “Alright.”
“Oh and your brother’s down at the Smithy corner. He’s gotten a job with a few friends he met at the ball field.”
Adelaide just nodded. Ruth reached out to touch her forehead. “You feeling alright? You don’t look too well.”
“I’m sure I’m fine.” Adelaide swallowed down the sorrow that was swelling in her throat. Suddenly, Alice came running down the hall. “Guess where Ruthie’s taking me? Out to the park! She said it’s a sunshiny day, isn’t it?” Adelaide wasn’t listening. She was overlooking her little sister with horror. She had her hair braided up like a lady, and wore a brand new gown and parasol.
“You’re going out with that on?”
“Oh why it’s the latest fashion dear! I have plenty dresses in my old wardrobe if you want to be up to date too.” Aunt Ruth came to little Alice’s defense. Adelaide tried to hide her disgust as she watched Ruth grab Alice’s hand and waltz out the door. Her baby sister was dressed up like a porcelain doll with a bright smile painted across her face. She just knew that smile would wipe off soon, just as Aunt Ruth’s false affection would.
Adelaide collapsed to the floor in a corner, unexpectedly shaking with sobs. She didn’t want to feel like this…she hadn’t planned to…why was she always the one that seemed to stare out the window at everyone else’s lives going by fine and dandy? Just when she thought Aunt Ruth could’ve been the first woman Adelaide could ever get to know and love, she finds that she’s just like all the other wealthy singles out there…living for the outer look. And now her young sister was a victim of her poor discipline. Had she already forgotten how it used to be…. when life wasn’t so good? Maybe it was just Adelaide that remembered, or tried to forget.

Later
Adam stomped mud off his boots before he entered the house, and found Adelaide sitting on the parlor window seat.
“Where are Ruth and Alice?”
“They’re upstairs changing out of their wet things. Their little outing was ruined.” She replied flatly. He sighed and turned to leave, but stopped to pause. Adelaide had thought he’d left the room and had turned around to cry in her hands, but he saw.
“Sis, what’s wrong now?” he came over to her side and placed a calloused hand on her shaky shoulder.
“I, I…” she couldn’t get the words out. She didn’t want to.
“Adelaide, you have to stop doing this to yourself. Face the changes. Every day you look more lost. I’ve already forgotten your smile.”
Adelaide just shook her head at his attempt on encouragement. “You just don’t know…you don’t understand.”
But Adam didn’t budge. He sat down beside her and forced her to look at him. “Stop crying.” He ordered firmly. “So the world seems like it’s falling apart these days, what’s that got to do with you?” he tried to tease.
“No, I’ve been so selfish. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. You should just leave me alone.”
“Alright, then, whatever you say, sis.” He got up to walk away casually, but turned back one last time with a glimmer of hope. “Hey, I got a paper. If you’re feeling down read some good news.” He tossed the paper on the stool beside her, and finally left. Adelaide glanced at the front-page headlines. Confederates plan another attack and win! 200 Union soldiers dead. She quickly returned her gaze to the window with a downcast face. She wiped her tears and got lost in the rain outside once again. Sometimes being lonely had never felt so painful.

Nathan
Nathan sighed repeatedly thrusting his dry blistered hand into his downy hair. “Ma don’t you have any worries? What if pa or Will was one of the two hundred men shot by those filthy confederates!” Nate raged. Ma stopped feeding Gabby and looked at Nate. “I would rather them be in Heaven than in war, honey. But it’s all in God’s hands.” Nathan looked shocked, he knew she was right, but she wouldn’t show any emotion of sadness or anything? This was unlike ma! She was usually very emotional! Nate feared that this war was changing everyone, but he never expected his own mother! It was another one of these days, where he wished that his Pa or Will were here with a shoulder to lean on, or when he beseeched for happiness and enjoyment, but he just couldn’t find it anywhere. Elijah Bobby was out in town, Cassie looked like she was busy with visitors, and he suspected Addie was doing the same thing he was, nothing. Sitting around and moping for the past to come shooting back at you, when you knew it never could. “Ma do you have anything you need to get in town?” Nathan asked. He couldn’t believe he was so desperate that he actually wanted to run errands. “ Not much, but I could use some milk, coffee flour, and I could use a thimble for my knitting.” Ma replied. “Are you really going to walk there?” “Sure, as long as I have something to do.” “Alright, well you be careful, I love you.” Nathan shut the door behind him and he walked out into the melted slushy snow.
Later
When Nathan finally arrived in town he was about to enter Mr. Michael’s grocery store when he heard his name called. “Hey boy,” a group of southern men shouted while chewing their tobacco loudly. “We got sumthin for ya.” They all spit on Nathan and then one of them growled, “slave lover.” And another shouted “ union boy!” they all cackled loudly and walked off. Nathan pretended to ignore them; he wiped the slimy slobber off his face, pushed his hat lower, over his eyes and walked into the shop. “What was goin on out there, Nate? I’m sorry those things happened, but you did the right thing, ignore em, and if the union ever wins this war, you can get back at all of those tormenters. Now whatcha nice ma need this time, bless her heart fighting off these filthy men, calling yall slave lovers!” Nathan grabbed a can of coffee beans, some milk and a thimble and set it on the table. And I’ll take one of those,” Nate pointed at a sack of flour behind him. “Here I’ll just give this to yall free, and you take this here to your baby sister and you to enjoy.” He handed him two lollipops. “Thanks a lot, Mr. Michael’s! “ “No problem, now you go run along before I get in trouble.” Nathan ran out the door as the store bell rang and Mrs. Stellar came in. “excuse you,” she looked at him, as if he was a rat. “Sorry miss!” Nate said sucking on his lollipop. Mr. Michael’s was one of the nicest people in this town, even though he was a confederate, he didn’t like how slaves were treated, he was just fighting for his hometown. Since Nathan had left over money, he decided to go in a clothing store, and buy something for his Ma. So he bought a nice soft lilac sweater, and headed home.
When Nathan finally reached home he opened the door to surprisingly see Ma on her knees bowing over the table with her hands folded, she was praying as her hand trembled holding a letter. It wasn’t just any letter; it was from the doctor where either Pa or Will was fighting. Nate froze like an ice cube. He automatically dropped the groceries and ran over to her. He hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear. “It’s going to be alright ma, I know it is, they must have gotten the wrong address.” Nathan tried to soothe her. Ma shook her head and handed him the letter. It was the right address. Nate took a deep breath and angrily tore it open.
Dear Mrs. Parker,
We are sorry to inform you that your husband Daniel Nathaniel Parker was badly wounded with a bullet in his lower chest. He is seriously harmed, although we are trying to take the bullet out.
Dr. Tecoli

Nathan held in his tears and ripped the letter into shreds, and threw it in the fire. He saw his whole Pa’s life in flames. “Damn you confederates!” he shouted, waking Gabby up with screams. He stormed up the stairs with mixed feelings of sadness and anger. He flopped on his bed in tears. He was crying like Gabby now, but he didn’t care. He prayed over and over for his Pa to get that bullet out, and come back home so he can hug him one last time, and tell him he loved him one last minute, before his father floated off into the clouds with Jesus. He just couldn’t picture his pa with blood spewing out of his stomach like a fountain, and his screams of pain were making Nathan’s heart rip into pieces. How could his friends be friends of his own father’s killer? The more he thought about it the more he was dying too, rotting away with his father body, just rotting away. He could just imagine how life was with pa before the war. When he was a little boy, pa used to swoop him in his arms like he did with Gabby, the day before he left to face death, and fight against it. What did I have left to do, probably knowing that after the war pa wasn’t coming back? Never coming back. I would never see the face of the bulky tall, brown bearded man. He always made people laugh, and he always was smiling. Nathan pulled his covers over his head, wishing he could go back in time and be a little child again, running around, like there was nothing wrong in my life. His head felt as light as a feather, and he just rotted away, right then and there, on his bed, where his own father used to sit and tuck him in, and tell him he loved him.

6

Anguish

Cassie
I have to get out of this house! I thought a few days after Uncle Carl arrived. I had never been mean to the slaves, but I just wasn't very friendly. But Uncle Carl was making me friendly, that’s for sure! He was making me cook in the kitchen every night with Esther, and making us clean our own rooms. He was even making Annabelle set the table, something she had never done before.I was in the parlor on a beautiful, but chilly Friday, trying to escape some chores, when Uncle Carl found me. “You know, Cassie,” Uncle Carl said slowly. “If your mama was alive, she’d be teaching you to be the same way. In fact, she would never have let you get like this.”I stood up with my hands on my hips and said, “What do you mean this? What are we like?” Uncle Carl sighed. “Cassie, you just don’t understand the cruelty of slavery!” “But Uncle Carl! I’m not the one who put these slaves here in the first place!” “Yeah, I know, but you were raised by your papa, which means you were raised to not like people, and treat people just like you like dirt!” “But… they aren't just like me! They are Negroes!” “Who cares about their skin color!? They are people, just like you and me!” I shook me head. “Uncle Carl, you just don’t understand me or my family!” Uncle Carl shook his head too. “Well, you’re right about that. I don’t understand your family. But you don’t understand me either.” And with that, Uncle Carl and I stomped off in different directions.LaterI raced outside. I could not stand Uncle Carl anymore. I loved him, very much, but he was hard to understand. And he had said that. And I suppose my family was hard to understand too. I need a friend right now, I thought. I ran to the Adelaide’s aunt’s house. I knocked on the door loudly. Adam answered. “Uh, hi, is Adelaide here?” Adam looked around. “No, she went for a walk.” “OK, thanks!” I said, wondering why Adam was looking so strange.I went back home, but I avoided the house. I don’t want to go back in and see critical Uncle Carl.One of the servant boys had gone into town, and he brought the mail to me. There was a letter from Papa! I ripped it open, and grabbed the letter.

Dear Cassie, Annabelle, and Alexis,

I won’t be coming home for a long time. I know ya’ll know that, but I probably won’t make it home for Cassie’s birthday. I’m sorry Cassie.

Love,Papa

I fought tears. Papa wasn’t coming home for my birthday?! And I was stuck with Uncle Carl, who would probably make me make my own birthday cake! I wanted to have a big birthday party, but Uncle Carl probably wouldn’t allow it. Life is so unfair, I thought, tears streaming down my face.

Adelaide
Adam came home with another newspaper in his hand. He threw off his hat and wiped the soot off his face. Working at the blacksmith shop downtown had exhausted him lately, and caused him to retire to his room early, usually for the rest of the day alone and secluded like a hermit. Adelaide missed her brother, but she had been missing a lot of things these days.These long, depressed days that seemed to remind her that she was the only one left in the world to miss everything as it once was.Even spending time with her new friends seemed to not help. She was just a pathetic mess always losing. Losing everything that she used to be able to keep in her hands.
The other thing that worried her more often about her brother was how interested he now was in the war headlines. He seemed enthralled with the numbers of casualties, and kept tally of how many battles were won and gone. At the dinner table Aunt Ruth had to keep shushing him as he brought up the subject of the Union and Confederates in front of little Alice. Meanwhile, Alice was turning into a spoiled brat. She didn't even notice Adelaide at all or even acknowledged her anymore. Aunt Ruth had permanently become "mommy".
Cassie from next door came over every day seeking a companion, and Adelaide spent most of her time with her new friend. But inside she didn't think that the friendship would ever become strong, because they had nothing in common. Cassie sometimes boasted and bossed without meaning to, and often just came over to complain to her about her Uncle Carl. Adelaide wouldn't touch the subject of slaves, North or South, and often felt isolated from the world around her. She still wasn't so sure which was better, fighting along and against with everyone else, or hiding from the changes.
She closed her mother's Bible that had more so been adopted as hers when there was a knock on the door. She opened it to just find her brother. "I'm going out."
"Where?" "Just with a couple of the guys down street."
"To play ball again?"
He just shook his head and avoided Adelaide's eyes, not answering. Whatever it was she didn't really care. "But your little friend's here."
"Cassie? Why?"
He shrugged and shut the door behind him, soon enough followed by another knock. "Come on in , Cass." So she did. She joined her on the floor.
"Guess what?"
"You had to clean the kitchen floor again?"
She rolled her eyes. "No- big news!"
Adelaide tried to look attentive, though lately she didn't bother for conversation.
"My Uncle Carl and your Aunt Ruth are out on a walk!"
"So?"
"Don't you see? If they like each other...and get married....then that would make us...cousins!"
"Only Cousins By Marriage. It still doesn't make us related."
"yeah!" she nodded, though Adelaide doubted the jumping conclusion. Cassie always was in search of excitement, and sometimes Adelaide thought she looked too hard.
"Why can't you have a little imagination, Adelaide? You're so bor-"
Cassie quickly caught her tongue and stopped herself. Adelaide looked up at her with big brown sad eyes. "You might as well go ahead and say it. I don't care."
"Fine then! But of course you don't care! You haven't been caring for much of anything lately! Do you even know how to smile?"
"Doesn't anyone know how to leave me alone?" Adelaide shot back. They exchanged looks flashing with anger before Cassie stomped out. Adelaide curled up in a ball, and tucked herself in her knees. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't anymore. All her tears were dried up. She needed to vent her anger. She grabbed the closest thing to her and threw it. The bible whipped across the room and slammed into the door with a crash, as soon as the door opened.
"Ouch! What did 'ya do that for, Addie?"
Adelaide turned to see Nathan standing in the doorway, the torn pages of the Bible in his hands. He had a red mark on his face.
"I'm sorry- I didn't see you there- I..."
He came in anyways and set the Bible down. "Are you alright? You nearly took my head off." The concern in his voice finally caused Adelaide to melt. She cried.
"I don't know what's wrong with me...it's just that...why couldn't God give me a better life? Why did he have to curse me and take away my mother and father, and mess up everything with this damn war? Why can't he leave me alone, along with everyone else?"
Nathan stood with his mouth clamped shut. He wasn't sure what kind of encouragement could erase those strong words.
"But Addie, people care about you, including God, that's why they can't let you go on alone."
"I'm already alone. I'm the only one living in misery in this grand mansion of the finest things I could ever get!"
"No, you're not the only one. I'm missing a dad because of this stupid war too.You know material things don't matter anyhow. But sometimes you just can't get your way."
A smile slipped past Adelaide. "You sound like a preacher, Nathan."
He laughed. "Do that again, Addie."
"Do what?"
"Smile." Adelaide couldn't help it, so she did. She smiled. "There, I smiled for you. Now will you leave me alone?" She teased.
"Addie I can't leave you alone, you're my favorite person in the world." He teased back, although she couldn't tell if he had actually meant it.

Nathan
On the way home from Addie's Nathan had an unusual feeling inside him. Every day since the day he got that letter he had found it hard to smile, laugh, joke around, or be his normal self. He had even found it hard to fake smile, which he was usually good at. His shoulders had automatically slumped and his head bowed over, but today was different. He had stood tall and thought of others than himself. All until he walked inside, he was whistling some made up tune, but then his face turned pale and he stopped whistling, he had heard crying. it wasn't Gabby's but his mother's. she quickly held in her whimpering when she heard footsteps. She got up and walked over to Nathan. Nathan saw a letter in her hand with teardrop stains all over the envelope. "Nathan I'd rather tell you this then have you read the letter." she sniffed up her tears and cleared her throat. "The doctor tried his best to get the bullet out of pa's chest, but God wanted your Pa with him sooner.But before the battle he was wounded in he was writing back to your letter at the time. I don't think he ever got to finish it, but he finished it in his heart. They sent back the letter to you, anyways, they thought you might want to keep it." Ma patted Nate's back and placed some badges and certificates on the mantel Pa built above the fireplace. Nathan was frozen. He picked up the letter Pa wrote him and slowly walked in his room to read it. He wanted to be alone to shed his tears, and to talk with Pa. This was his keepsake and memory of Pa to him, and he would always keep it.
Dear Nathan,
I am in right now. I haven't seen Will yet, but I'm sure he's safe. My Christmas wasn't as great as it would have been with my family, but we had some whiskey, and had a small celebration with the guys. Did you get what you wanted this Christmas? I love writing letters to the ones I love, because I can just imagine that there right here, and that I'm talking to them. Especially you pretty boy Nathan. Your the only one that looks just like your pretty ma, so it's easy for me, since I've memorized your Ma's pretty face more than I have mine. And I am scared to look in the mirror at my dirty unshaven face right now. I hope I have gotten you laughing, because I just love it when I make my children laugh. If I had a slim guess of whose winning this war, it would probably be the . This war is hard for everyone to get adjusted with, but I'm glad you are trying your hardest to be strong. I'm also proud that I'm in the part of making him gain that hope. And that's what I'm fighting for. Give Gabby a kiss and tell her I love her for me. Another one that looks a lot like me! Oh great! I bet your mama sure is happy we had you. I'm not sure that you can give mama a good kiss for me, but tell her I love her also, and always will. I hope you thanked Elijah for the doctor, and tell him I said hello. I'm glad you met some pretty girls, and I hope that you'll be able to marry a lady as good as I did. And give Cassie and Addie a welcome from me also. You may look just like your Ma, but when I read your words, It's like I'm reading my own, when I was your age! It's funny that you hurt Cassie's feelings, because I hurt you mama, more than you can count, and she still loved me for that. You can ask her about some stories of our courting, and she'll blush so much when she gets to that part, that if you held up a red rose to her cheek, she'd blend rite with it! I'm-And that was the end. Nathan smiled at his Pa's humor throughout the letter, but he never made Pa happy and actually laughed at his jokes. He just couldn't. All that would come out was tears. He took his letter and ran out the door. Ma was too busy to even stop him. He kept on running till he reached his favorite place. Nathan laid down on the cold wet grass, and watched the sparkling blue water flowed down in a straight line. He rolled up his britches and lowered his barefeet in the nice cold water. He just waded through it, with the letter in his hand, looking up at the sky. "Hey , I got your letter, I just wanted to ask you what it's like up there? Is there a glittering stream, and are you walking down it, holding hands with Jesus right by your side? Are you singing hymns, and eating feasts, or resting your head up against a cloud, with an angels wings fluttering floating above your eyes? Pa-" "Who are you talking to?" Nathan wasn't looking as he bumped into Cassie and they both fell into the cool creek. Cassie just burst into laughter as she picked up her soaking skirts and walked with the water. Nathan folded his arms and put his head against them as a pillow, smiling he closed his pretty blue eyes and floated in the nice water. "Have you ever thought about walking on water? I always wondered if Jesus had such great power, that he could teach us how to in Heaven?" Cassie pondered, but Nathan didn't answer, his slim body just floated back and forth. "So, who were you talking to?" Cassie kept on with her questions. "I was talking to my Pa up in heaven. Yeah, that's where he is right now, I'm sure it's great, but he's dead! He's dead because of all you sick no hearted, damn confederates! All of you who has no care in the world, of other people, but to get them some colored people to suffer, have no life, and do all your dirty crap for you!" Nathan blew up in rage. Tears strolled down his cheeks this time. Cassie started crying with him and she started to run off, but Nathan grabbed her ankle. "Let go of me! You mean, slave lover!" Cassie struggled to get out of his strong hold. Nathan ignored her words. He pulled her into the creek with him. "Cassie, you always run away from you problems, and you gotta stop it, you gotta. I'm just trying to help you. Everyone has a problem that they repeat a lot when they get angry, and wanna blame someone for it, and yours is running away. Mine is just cussing them out and hurting there feelings, and we're both always right in our own opinions, that's why I want to help you with yours, but only if you help me with mine." Cassie was silent. "I gave a promise to Addie, and you, to everyone, that we would all get through this war, and now I'm falling apart- " "Cassie there you are, I wanted to apologize for-Nathan? What are you two crying about?" Cassie pulled her sopping hankerchief out wiped her runny nose and eyes, and then handed it to Nathan to do the same. Nathan took it and they both started bursting into laughter. "Come on in Addie, the water is warm," he teased as he splashed, her dress. Addie screamed, but she started laughing, and jumped in with them. Then they all started laughing."I've got a swell idea. How about we all describe what we think heaven is really like." Nathan went right back to floating with his arms folded beneath him. "Ok, I'll start," Cassie said. Then her freckles wrinkled, as her eyes squinted up into the sky. "I think heaven will have the most beautiful landscape, more beautiful than I'm imagining. It'll have angels, and GOD and delicious food before your eyes. All the ladies will be wearing beautiful ballroom gowns, and gentlemen in suits, no ripped britches." she laughed as she glanced at Nate's ripped pants. "They will all be dancing on clouds and hopping to and fro on each poofy cottonball, and that the sky will be the color of Nathan's eyes." Cassie finished. Then it was Addie's turn. "How I picture heaven, we wouldn't have to dress fancy at all. Everything would be floating, tables, the people, the clouds, everything. There of course would be Jesus, and I imagine him explaining everyones lives as we looked down at them. There would be games, and everyone would be smiling and having fun. And we would all have bibles, and we would all sit down on clouds, as Jesus answered are questions. And every time after it rained, we could all take turns painting the rainbow. That is my kind of heaven." Addie smiled. Nate cleared his throat. " Heaven would have beautiful beaches, and water so clear you could see the whites of your eyes in your reflection. I would be wading through the glittering water with Jesus by my side. And he would talk with me and walk with me, while birds sang and bees buzzed above our heads. Everyone I love would be my piece of heaven. That means both of you would be in my heaven, all my friends and family, including Elijah Bobby. In my piece of heaven, there would be no war, or slavery, it would all be freedom. And I would be going from one person to another, and hearing their life stories, because everyone has an exciting part in their life. Their would be angels with their wings, that would come by and give you a peck on the cheek before you went to bed on a big fluffy cloud. And I can see my pa their right now. Having the most joyious time of his life." Suddenly a hand grabbed his face and dunked his whole head underwater. Elijah Bobby looked into his face, "Nate you stop talking that fairy tale nonsense, and get out of this cool water, your Ma wants you home for dinner!" Nathan quickly got up out of the water and tore his sopping shirt off. " Goodbye yall," he goofed off in a southern voice and ran home, leaving Cassie and Addie laughing their heads off.

7

Trying

Cassie
My birthday was in early March. Uncle Carl said I should have a big party, with all of my friends. “I don’t have any friends,” I said. “Yes you do; Adelaide, Adam and Nathan.” “Fine, but those are my only friends.” Uncle Carl shrugged. “Why don’t you invite your Sunday school class.” I rolled my eyes. “Fine, but I won’t enjoy them!”
My party was on my birthday, Friday, March 7th. The Sunday before I had invited everyone in my Sunday school class, and the day before I had told Nate and Addie about it. I had helped bake my cake, and I had picked out the material and color for my party dress.
It was a beautiful party dress. It was a creamy yellow, and I had white kid shoes to go with it.
When I came down the stairs after getting dressed, Uncle Carl whistled. Annabelle clapped, and said I looked beautiful. “Ah, missy, you look mighty fine,” Annie, a maid said. I smiled. “Thanks.”
Five minutes later, Adelaide was there. “Adelaide, you look so nice!” Annabelle said. I looked Adelaide up and down. She did look nice! She had on a pink and blue dress that looked great on her.
Later
The party was turning out to be a great hit. All of the people in church that were my age were there, and they seemed to all be having a great time. Addie and Adam were getting to know a lot of people. Nate was just standing off by himself.
I walked over to Nate, and said, “Why aren’t you talking to anybody?” Nathan looked at me with a blank look, I guess he was just shy. “Hey, who are the little girls?!” called a boy named Noah. It was Annabelle and Alexis, with Lena, the nursemaid following them. “They wanted to come say good-night to ya miss, sorry,” Lena said apologetically. I grinned at my sisters in their snow-white nightgowns. “’Night,” they said. “Good-night,” I said sweetly, bending down to kiss them. All the boys whistled. Addie and I rolled our eyes.

“Supper!” came a call from the dining room. All the boys made a mad dash for the dining room, pushing and shoving each other.
When we went into the dining room, there was a feast spread out. Fried chicken and mashed potatoes, collard greens, poke salad, buttered biscuits, and for dessert, cherry pie, my favorite!
We all sat down, and Uncle Carl who was joining us for supper, said the prayer. After the prayer, everyone dug in. “This fried chicken is the best I’ve ever tasted!” said Ronald Folker. Ronald Folker was a terrible flirt, and had been trying to get my attention all night. I was much more interested in Nathan, and maybe even Adam! “Why, thank you Ronald; I made the chicken almost all by myself.” Ronald grinned. “All the more reason to like it.” I almost laughed out loud; he was so funny!
After the cherry pie and vanilla ice cream, everyone went into the ballroom. It was time to dance! I was fourteen; I wanted a party where you danced!
I danced three dances with Ronald, two with Noah, and one with Adam. I wanted to dance with Nathan, but he was dancing with Adelaide and a few other girls. He should be dancing with me! It’s my party, and I invited him to it! I stomped over to a chair in the corner, and sat down. This was my birthday party, and I wasn’t having any fun!
The pianist stood up and said, “This will be the last dance. Somebody go ask the birthday girl to dance!” All of the boys ran over, but Nathan wasn’t in the crowd. “No thank you,” I said to each one of them. I sat down again while they all went off to ask other girls to dance.
“Happy Birthday Cassie!” I looked up and it was Nate! “thank you,” I whispered. He took my hand, and we danced the last song together. Everyone else stopped dancing to watch the birthday girl get her dream boy to dance with. Now, I don’t know if I was Nathan’s dream girl. Probably not, but still, it was nice.
After the musicians stopped playing, everyone clapped. There was a loud clap at the back of the room, and I thought it was Uncle Carl. But when I turned around, it was Papa! “Papa!” I screamed, running towards him at full speed. I jumped into his arms, and he moaned. I looked down at a bandaged knee. “Papa!” I said horrified. “What happened?!” “I was wounded, daughter. But I came back to recover, and just in time for your birthday!” “Oh, Papa, I’m so happy!” “So am I, Cassie, so am I.”

Adelaide
Aunt Ruth held Alice tight in her lap as she rocked to the chiming grandfather clock. Adelaide sat before the fireplace on the floor, staring deep into the flames that climbed higher, imagining all sorts of horrible things possible. Outside in the dark night, distant cannon fire could be hear booming from the Merrimack and Monitor in the ports of Norfolk. The faint fighting caused fear to tremble in her neck, but she swallowed it down with her new ignorance. Ignoring all her cares seemed to keep her strong, and turned her solemn. Aunt Ruth began to hum a lullaby as Alice drifted into a slumber, her dreams more peaceful than reality, Adelaide imagined. She thought of Adam upstairs reading the paper in his room again. Everyone seemed to accept the War Between States as a part of lifestyle now, and although they lived only fifty miles from warfare, Adelaide found it easy to shut her eyes to it. The fiery shadows glowed golden across her still face. A tear silently dribbled down her warm cheek, and she quickly swiped it away. She told herself not to cry. Tears couldn't bring her parents back; much less bring a nation together. And neither would she, once a cheery little girl, would show through because of silly tears.
Later
A knock sounded from the downstairs front door. Only Adelaide was home again, left alone another long afternoon. Cassie was spending most of her time with her father and she hadn't seen Nathan all week. Adam was at work night and day staying filthy, and Aunt Ruth always seemed to be taking little Alice on some sort of silly expedition.

She wondered who it could be, and as she crept down the stairs she fantasized herself opening the door to her father's open arms, home. It was true; she envied Cassie and being able to embrace her papa once again. Amidst trying to fight her feelings, she couldn't ignore the question that hung in the air before her, would she ever see her father again?
"Yes?" Adelaide swung the heavy brass door open to only find herself gawking at the sight of a ragged stranger. A man unkempt with stubble on his chin and what seemed to be a stained and ripped uniform, stared back. He couldn't even stand up himself; he was leaning on one of the stone pillars on the front step. He looked as if he were begging for something, with a well of hope behind blue eyes.
"Umm...Mrs. Ruth Thomas isn't home. I’m sorry," she stammered, her heart hammering as she started to close the door on him. She wasn't about to let someone she didn't recognize into the house while she was home alone. Besides, did she have any permission to let strangers in?

A raw hand with skinless knuckles grabbed the door and pulled it open, so strongly Adelaide couldn't hold it back. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead blood dripped out. Adelaide jumped back inside with a scream still in her throat. Soon she felt firm arms around her, and thinking they belonged to the intruder's she finally let the scream out. That was before she noticed the arms were black-skinned. It was only the housemaid, Ellie May.

“What in tarnation you screamin for, little miss A'laide? You done got the silverware shakin in the cabinets from such a scare!" Adelaide was too frozen from shock to answer, and just pointed outside. Ellie May immediately set her down on the hall bench and wheeled around to see the stranger, who had now collapsed to the stone patio. "Oh my Lordy, Lordy!" Ellie May went and helped him up carefully as if it were a household chore, something she did everyday.

Adelaide watched in stunning horror as she dragged the poor man through the den to lay him on the cotton sofa. She rushed to get some wet rags for his dirty face and bleeding wounds that now showed through his left leg. Adelaide realized how rude and coldhearted she had been.

This was a soldier with a bullet in his knee! She quickly refreshed herself and joined the servant's side for help. “I’m so, so sorry...really I am! I didn't know I had shut the door on a man needing help!"
"It'll be a'ight, Miss A'laide.” "But I was so stupid and selfish! What if he had- "Now now, missy, that's too much talkin and not enough carin. This man's near his deathbed!" Ellie May reminded Adelaide, a servant girl that never was afraid to tell it like it is. She was always frank, and even if she didn't understand the concept of encouragement, Adelaide knew she was really a sweet woman. At that moment, although it may have been the wrong moment to be thinking and not acting, she remembered a Bible verse; When I was a stranger you welcomed me, when I was sick you took care of me... She realized she had might as well have just turned away God because she turned away this poor man seeking refuge. She felt terrible. Ellie May is sweeter than me... that got her to thinking of the reformed people who didn't believe in slavery. Black skinned people are just as worthy as I am to get to Heaven, because they can be God-fearing people just like we Christians! Who said God's people could only be white? We could be enslaving some of God's people for centuries...why? Who thought it was right? Obviously not true Christians. True Christians would not allow this sickening harm to loved ones. Anger flashed within her for a second, for the first time letting her feelings get a hold of her before the man groaned and awoke her from her reverie.

“He be needin some water.” Without thinking this time, Adelaide hopped to her feet. "Yes Ma'am!" Ellie May turned right around at her words and gave her an odd look. And in those eyes Adelaide could read a new respect for herself from Ellie, though she also seemed to be holding back laughter. But neither said anything.

Later

Aunt Ruth came home to a house with the sound of scurrying feet upstairs. After she put Alice to bed, Adelaide seemed to pop out of nowhere in front of her.

"Good Afternoon, Ruth. How was the buggy ride?” Aunt Ruth ignored her question and peered past her down the hall, becoming slightly suspicious. “Where’s Alice?" Adelaide tried again. “She’s having a nap, so whatever you're doing up here don't be loud so as not to wake her up. “Yes Ma'am." Ruth gave her that familiar odd look before retreating downstairs. Adelaide breathed and turned back down the hall to reopen the ceiling trap door.

Ellie May was waiting for her in the attic, kneeling beside an old musty cot. On the cot lay the injured, sleeping man. She stopped quietly to listen to the maid's words underneath her breath. “Dear Lord, give this poor man strength to live on, and help us to understand your purpose so we may help this man,” A board creaked under Adelaide's feet, and Ellie opened her eyes and turned to her." Oh, it's only you miss. Did you get Aunt Ruth to call a doctor?" "Well..." Adelaide shook her head. "No. Ellie, I was just thinking. How do we know who he is? I mean, I know it's the right thing to take care of him, but where is he from...why is he here?"

"Your brain's always thinkin, miss A'laide, aint it? You may not talk no more bout anything worth laughing about, but I know your heads always talking...wanting to burst it all out like a bubble. I think you think too much for a girl your age, missy. How bout you let me take care of this, a’ight?" "But shouldn't we keep this a secret?" "What a secret? Him? What's worth keepin a secret bout him?" "Well when people find out we're hidin a soldier in our attic-"Look missy, I done already told you we aint hidin nobody! As soon as he's well we'll let him go to wherever he was goin."

"But don't you see Ellie May? He wasn't going nowhere but away from battle. By his uniform we can tell he's a Confederate soldier, and to come all this way he must've not wanted to stop anywhere where people knew him. I'm guessing he's escaping war and avoiding home. He might not want people to know he's here. So we'd only be doing him a favor if we did as he wished." "Well I do believe all that hard thinkin's good for somethin, A'laide missy! You was right...I hadn't thought about that. Well then, he stays here for the time being, and no word of this to anyone, a’ight?"
Adelaide nodded, though she wasn't sure what she had just agreed to.

Nathan
Nathan didn't understand why people thought that calling him a slave lover was a bad thing; well he had to admit he pretty much was! That's the whole reason why the Union was fighting against! Cassie had called him that earlier, and he had just ignored it, because it really is only an insult to her, not to him! And the same thing with the group of men at Mr. Michaels store. He thought over about Cassie's party, he not only felt uncomfortable that they were all his enemies in war, but that they were all rich kids in their fancy suits and dresses, where he has his ripped Levi's and a t-shirt on. And the boys despised him and looked at me as if they were smiling and thinking to themselves that they were so much better. The older women looked at him as if he was a dead rat, and some girls look at him despisingly, while some didn't care just because he was good-looking.

Though Nathan didn't care, the boys who supposedly called themselves men, probably have never even done such a thing as work, and he couldn't find a single muscle on either of them! And that's why Nathan's clothes were actually ripped, from something called a man's work. What mattered was what was inside him not if he liked slaves or how much money he had on his blistered hands.

Nathan sighed as he looked at Elijah Bobby working his butt off! The lucky thing wasn't even invited. Nate ran outside to Elijah. "Hey Elijah whatcha doin'?" Nate asked. "Work, what else can I do?" For the first time Nathan saw sadness in Elijah's eyes, and for the first time he saw no hope in him. "It ain't look like I'm ever gonna have a white man's life." Elijah sat down on the grass and sighed.

"Hey man, sometimes you don't want to!" he laughed. "At least our navy won something!" "Yeah, but did ya hear, that we had about 4 ships and they had only 1, and we had tons more casualties! Man, sooner or later we're gonna get smoked!" Elijah replied. Nathan looked up at the stratus clouds, and for the first time in awhile he didn't have an answer. Nathan couldn't believe it, but that means his only hope was soon fading away.

"Do you think I could go as older than eighteen?" Nathan asked in the spur of a moment.

"I don't know Nate, I mean you got good looks, and you got some good muscles, and you are pretty strong, but there's one thing. You're real short. Not like it's a bad thing, but you what, 5`2, 5`3." Nathan didn't answer.

"You don't mean you wanna risk your life and fight fo me, is that what you askin? If you are Nate, I mean I'm glad you want to do that just for me and my brothers, but I'd rather you not. Even one soldier, say you, isn’t gonna change nothin fo my life. To me Nate, you the most nicest white man I bet I'm eva gonna meet!" Elijah said playing with a piece of grass.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Nate laughed. But for the first time Elijah didn't laugh with him. "My life is no joke Nate! Fine Just go ahead and laugh but you will never live my grubby life!" Elijah was getting angry. Nate got up. "Do you have any paper?" Nathan asked.

"Here use this," Elijah pulled out a piece of scrap from a wrapper of some candy. "I'll be right back," Nathan ran across the street into his house. Elijah looked strangely at him.

Nathan came running back with the wrapper, and had 18 written on it with ink.

"What's that `fo?" Elijah looked confused. "What's it say?" Elijah Bobby asked curiously. Nathan almost forgot Elijah didn't know how to read or write. "It says eighteen." Nathan replied as he pulled off his worn out boots and slipped the piece of paper under his feet. "Whatcha do that fo?" Elijah asked still scratching his head in confusion. "Now when they ask me if I'm over eighteen I won't be lying!" Nate replied.

Elijah thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard, he fell over in laughter, and his chocolate brown skin glowed from all the laughing. "Nate you the most funniest person I have ever heard, but that still ain't gonna work!"

Nathan ignored his friend laughing at him. He put his boots on, slicked his hair back and tried to stand as tall as he could. "I'm not just doing this for you, and my life ain't no joke either!" Nate pushed his hat down, and Elijah stopped laughing as Nathan walked away. Nathan heard people whispering behind him as he was walking into town. All of the recruiting stations said Confederacy on them. He saw a boy from his church in the station signing up.

He couldn't believe it! Freddy was only sixteen! Freddy came out hooting and hollering, and he tipped his hat off and threw it up in the air. "War here I come!" he shouted. Nathan shook his head and turned back home. He would have to travel all the way to Maryland to sign up! Then Ma would have to find out, and there's no way Ma would let him go.
Later

Nathan shut the door slowly behind him. He swooped Gabby in his arms and threw her in the air. "Nathan, where have you been?" ma looked worried sick.

"I was at Elijah Bobby's." Nate's leg couldn't stop shaking. Ma looked down at his leg, while Nathan tried to hold it to stop shaking. He was surprised when he saw a wide smile spread across her face. "Your Pa did the same exact thing whenever he knew he was lying. She took a deep breath to hold in the tears. "You know better than to go into town without asking me. Always ask me first. You may be fifteen, but I heard from Mr. Michaels how some of them treat you." Ma quickly ran into the kitchen, Nathan thought something was burning, but she just ran in there to hide herself weeping.

Nate put a pillow behind his head, and lay down with his legs crossed, over the arm of the old comfy couch. Then a tornado of thoughts swept into his head, as Gabby crawled onto his stomach, and snuggled up. He almost cried at the sight, she must have missed Pa, but already she found her replacement. He smiled down at her as the gentle warm baby breath brushed on his neck, and her little belly was moving up and down with her soft breathing. If I ran away to Maryland how could I leave Gabby without even a pretend Pa? He gazed into her dark brown eyes that looked just like Pa, and knew it’s going to be hard for Ma to see her grow up, with a face just like Pa's.

8
Understanding Differences

Cassie
Papa left a few days later. Not a very long time at home, but he had been there for my birthday. Actually, I was sort of glad when he left, because he and Uncle Carl fought the whole time he was home! They fought over who was right in the war, and who was not right. I didn’t know whom to agree with! But after Papa left, all was peaceful.
Later
The day after Papa left, I was in my bed, trying to go to sleep, when I heard odd sounds coming from the forest behind our plantation. I looked over towards the pallet where Harriet sleeps, but she wasn’t there. Where is she? I thought. I got out of bed, and wrapped my robe around me. I lit a candle and went out into the hallway. I could still hear the sounds. It sounded like singing. Why are people singing?
I didn’t want to wake anybody, so I tiptoed down the stairs, and quietly opened the door. I went past the garden. I went past the kitchen and smokehouse. I went past the slaves’ quarters, until I reached the forest. I went down a narrow path, until I got to a clearing. Blankets were hanging from the trees around the clearing.
The singing was very clear now. I peeked behind one of the blankets to see all of the slaves singing. Young and old were gathered in a circle singing old hymns that I guess they had heard in church.
Suddenly, the singing stopped. Everyone sat down on the ground. In the middle of all of it, I saw Harriet, Mary, and Lena! What are they doing here? What if Alexis or Annabelle woke up? They wouldn’t be there! But I wasn’t very concerned about my sisters at that exact moment.
One of the field hands, Aaron, got up on a tree stump, and took a pocket Bible out of his pocket. He opened it up and started reading about Moses and the slaves. I listened for a while, and then it hit me. Aaron was reading! You had to kill a slave if they learned to read! At least that’s what I had always heard. And I recognized that Bible. It was Papa’s Bible that had been stolen years ago! Right after Aaron had been sold to us! That’s where that Bible had gone! Not that Papa read it much except in church, but he had wanted it back, and it had not been returned. Aaron had stolen it!
I was about to charge through those blankets and accuse Aaron, when somebody grabbed my ankle. I tried to scream, but somebody clamped a hand over my mouth. They dragged me into the bushes, with me struggling the whole way. Finally, the somebody let go of me, and I could breathe. I looked into big, dark, eyes. They were the eyes of Jonathan, one of the little slave boys.
“Please don’t tell anybody! They might kill my daddy!” I looked at Jonathan sympathetically. I thought about how I would feel if somebody killed my papa. Aaron was Jonathan’s papa. I couldn’t tell anybody; they would kill Aaron!
That was the first time that I understood what Uncle Carl was trying to tell me. Slavery was evil.
“I won’t tell anybody, I promise.”
Later
The next morning, we were eating our breakfast, when Uncle Carl said, “Cassie, why were you out of bed last night?” I froze. He must have just peeked in to see if I was okay, but he must not have seen that Harriet wasn’t there. I looked across the room, where little Jonathan was pouring coffee into Uncle Carl’s mug. His eyes got really big at me. His eyes pleaded, please don’t tell him.
But then it occurred to me that Uncle Carl would never kill a slave. But it would probably be better not to tell him, just to be safe. “I, uh, was in the outhouse.” Uncle Carl gave me a strange look, but he said, “Ok.” I noticed just then that my uncle had a twinkle in his eye. Very strange, I thought. Very strange.


Adelaide
“ How are the sugar cakes, Nathan?”

“They’re delicious, thank’ya ma’am.” Nathan answered Aunt Ruth with a full mouth. Crumbs spilled to his china plate.

“Good I’m glad, but please don’t call me ma’am. You could call me Aunt Ruth, too if you like. I simply adore all the children in this neighborhood. Where do you live, Nathan?” Her eyes smiled across at him. Nathan bashfully glanced over at Adelaide, who had been forced to say nothing at all the whole lunch. Aunt Ruth was usually casual with discipline unlike many wealthy adults, but her one pet peeve was speaking when not spoken to. And the entire noon Ruth had tried very hard to make light chat with Nathan and without Adelaide. “Um…down the street, ma’am- I mean-Aunt Ruth. It’s not a house quite big as this.” “Oh that’s quite alright- not everyone’s born with what we have, right Adelaide?”
Adelaide coughed and straightened her back. “I’m not sure what you mean, Aunt Ruth. I certainly haven’t been born with it either.”
Aunt Ruth cast a disapproving look over at her niece’s unexpected words, and flushed with humiliation. “Of course, sometimes I forget. Though you all have come along so well you seem as if you could blend in with the rich easily.”
Adelaide tried to hide the fumes rising inside of her. “Again, Ruth- I’m not sure entirely what you mean by that, but I do hope there’s no difference of living with money or not. Now could we talk of something else?”
Nathan caught the anger in her comment and looked down at his plate. His mouth was watering for another cake. “Maybe I should be going now…” He rose to leave.
“You’re excused.” Ruth replied flatly, and Adelaide got up to follow him, unexcused.
“Wait Nathan-“ He stopped at the clutch on his sleeve. He turned around on the foyer to Adelaide behind him.
“I’m sorry I invited you. It was supposed to be just us but when my aunt found out she wanted to join us. I think she has a problem with me being with you sometimes. I know she made you uncomfortable, as she did me, and I’m terribly sorry.”
“It’s fine, I understand. And the food wasn’t all that bad.”
“Well next time don’t thank her for the treats, thank Ellie May, the maid that cooked them.”
Nathan smiled at that, finding humor at her hint of anger. “Alright, I will if I get the chance.”
“But the real reason I invited you here was to tell you something.”
“What?’
She observed the air all around them. “It’s a secret.”
“I’m not very good with secrets. And I can’t make any promises, whatever it is.”
Adelaide smiled again, and Nathan became very aware of her soft hand still resting on his sleeve. “Oh, I trust you. Why else would I tell you? No one else knows but me and Ellie May.”
At the name of Ruth’s maid, Nathan’s face turned with puzzlement. She leaned closer until her whispers tickled his ear. “We’re hiding a deserter.”

Later
“I can’t believe this! But why?” Nathan asked, growing excited with the anticipation. He sat on the floor of Adelaide’s room, listening to her story.
“Well…I’m not sure why, actually…it just felt like the right thing to do.”
“And you’re telling me this?”
“Why not? I thought you’d like to know. Besides, don’t tell Cassie this, but you’re truly my best friend Nathan.”
“You really shouldn’t say things like that, Addie.”
“But it is true! I used to think the best people in the whole world were father and Adam. But each day I feel as if I lose more of them. But I love you Nathan, I really do. “
Nathan stared at her blankly, not sure what to say. He hadn’t expected this.
She noticed his uneasiness from her words. “I know it sounds like not what it seems…but I mean you’re the closest friend and brother I could ask for. You make Virginia a happier place for me.”
Nathan avoided her eyes and gazed out the window. The white curtains fluttered softly from the slight ocean breeze.
“Oh, enough of this silly talk! I’m sorry…my lips ran away from my brain, I guess.” Adelaide jumped up for the door. “Let’s go quietly- Ruth’s gone out now. Follow me if you wanna see our soldier!”

Later
The man was dazed, but awake and looking much better than when they found him four days earlier. When they had climbed the ladder to the loft Ellie May was there, sneaking him some leftover cakes and sandwiches from their lunch. He coughed up a little blood but Ellie May washed his face and ordered him to drink up. He obeyed, and nodded a thank you.
He turned at the sound of their footsteps, and looked the stranger up and down. Adelaide pulled up a broken rocking chair beside him. “It’s only a friend, mister.”
Nathan approached him shyly. “You haven’t asked him his name yet?”
“We don’t think he can talk. At least, he hasn’t since he’s been here.”
Nathan reached out to shake the hand the man offered, that trembled from damaged nerves.
“How long he gonna stay here?”
“However long it takes him to recover. Me and Ellie May have already devised a plan for him.”
“What if he’s too sick? That blood from his mouth didn’t seem too healthy to me,”
“Ellie says it’s probably from contaminated water, and as soon as his body adjusts to our care he’ll get stronger.”
“What if it’s catchy?”
Adelaide wanted to laugh at all Nathan’s questions; but sensed the seriousness in his voice.
“I mean…I don’t want my friend to get sick or nothing.”
“Stop worrying, Nathan.” They hushed and looked over at the man, now fast asleep on the cot. As soon as Ellie May had gone Nathan spoke up. “This can be dangerous what you’re doin, Addie.”
“We need some adventure in this place, Nathan.”
“You know…” Nathan’s pretty blue eyes traveled to the sleeping soldier. “I tried to enlist last week, for the army. But I’m too short. Do you think I’m small, Addie? I guess it was just disappointing to me because I’ve waited all my life to do something big- like a man’s job. And now I know I can’t.”
Adelaide’s eyes widened with disbelief. “Nathan! I’m so glad you didn’t make it- I know that’s selfish, but-“ she paused and followed his gaze towards the poor deserter. “You don’t want to end up like him, do you? Even good-hearted men lose their minds at a thing as disgusting as war, Nathan,” she blinked away sudden tears.
“I guess I know that now. Maybe after you trusted me with your secret, I just felt like telling you something too.”
“Thanks-
Before she could finish, Nathan’s face faded. She noticed he was staring at the man’s dirty clothes lying in the corner.
“He…he’s a- Confederate?”
“What?” Adelaide’s soft voice cracked. Nathan marched over to the pile and pulled out the blood stained outfit. “This is a Confederate’s uniform! You knew this?”
She swallowed hard, searching for words. “Yes, but I didn’t think it mattered-
“You didn’t think it mattered? Addie, this is a black hater you’re helping!” His voice rose, and Adelaide got up shaking with fear.
“No Nathan, how can you say that? Just because a man’s born and raised in the south doesn’t make him a slave owner! Sure there are a lot of southerners fighting for the wrong thing, but not all of them!”
“But…Ellie May knows this?”
“Of course she does! And if it weren’t for her he wouldn’t be taken care of as good as he is now.”
Nathan slid to the cold wood floor, covering his face in his hands. “How can she not care? A man that could have slaves of his own- and she’s treating him like a helpless child-“
“Because he is, Nathan. Right now it doesn’t matter, we know we’re doing a good deed. And I want you to be a part of it,”
“You let me shake hands with an enemy?”
“So what are you gonna do, Nathan- kill him? Be a man because here’s your chance to show the army- why don’t you just kill him? That’s what war’s all about Nathan, don’t you see? People die every day in battles, and their families grieve, North and South! Hating them won’t bring your father back! Can’t anyone see that? This is why this whole idiotic war started! Because people like you can’t see past their grudges! Didn’t God say love your enemies?” Adelaide blew, and was shouting. The soldier stirred and was awakening, but both of them seemed not to notice. She collapsed in tears, and Nathan froze, hurt by her words. He felt as if his best friend had just took a bite out of him. But seeing her sob like that made him feel even worse, and his urge to help her soon won. He sat down beside her and held her close.
“I’m so, so sorry, Nathan! I’m a horrible person- maybe you shouldn’t be friends with me. I’m just a stupid little girl, throwing words out of my head- it’s just that, sometimes…I can’t control my feelings I try so hard to hide. I’m so confused!” Her voice was muffled sounding from nestled in his shoulder.
“You’re not horrible, Addie. That’s a lie. I’m sorry I said anything; I know you’re sensitive about the war, and-
“But I said things about your father, and…oh I hope you can forgive me! Don’t take those mean words to heart, Nathan, because you’re still my best friend.”
“ And you’re still my favorite person, Addie.”
She wiped her tears off and suddenly went stiff.
“Sshhh…” They both paused in silence, hearing Aunt Ruth calling their names. Her voice came clearer, and fear dwelled in Adelaide’s stomach. She knew she had yelled too loud before, she had given them away! They both jumped up and turned at the sound of the hatch hinges opening.
“What was all that racket? And what are you two doing up here?” She demanded. Adelaide and Nathan stared at each other in panic, but finding no answers. Aunt Ruth’s eyes left them. Before they could say anything, she exclaimed with horror.
“Oh my Lord!”

Nathan
Walking home from Adelaide's house Nathan thought over the angry words she had blurted at him.
Her harsh words repeated over and over in Nathan’s head. “Hating that won’t bring your father back, hating that won’t bring your father back Nathan. Can’t anyone see that?” “Could she be right?” he dribbled his yo-yo up and down, and it shot back and hit his hand with a hard feeling. He felt so brainless that a young girl like Adelaide could figure that out, and all of these men fighting in the war, and him, couldn’t even accept that as the truth even if their life depended on it! If some Confederate soldiers want blacks to have freedom, what are they fighting for? Just because they want to fell a bullet hit through their body and smash their guts out? Or is it just for the once in a lifetime chance to die a horrible death, but just for being able to be called a hero, a war hero. Maybe they just want to die, but to feel their wife, or family at home holding a medal in their hands feeling that they were actually worth something. But did they not understand that wouldn’t keep them from mourning over them? Are we all men this brainless? Some people say they hate slavery, but they just wanted to fight for their hometown. Nate just didn’t get that. If they hated slavery, and the Confederates won, they would live with slavery all their life?
Nate thought of Addie’s expression when he told her he actually attempted to go to war. With love like that, and confidence depending on him, how could he leave to war, knowing that he could banish that confidence and love, and have it disappear forever and never come back? He could see it through Cassie’s eyes also, she had that same confidence and love; also thru Ma, Gabby, Will, and even thru Pa resting in peace.
After all that deep thinking, Nathan soon sank to sleep on the silky couch.
In a ditch, against a black barrier for his only guarding protection, a tall strong man with a grimy face, and a brown scraggily beard, crouched over with a rifle in his bleeding blistered hand. His body trembling, from not only the cold, but also fear. He shot a few times until a bullet came shooting fast, so fast he didn’t have time to duck. It injected right through his lower chest. His arms flailing in the air, his body pouring out blood he hit the ground like a stone. His hand covered the wound with stinging pain, and he moaned for help, for someone just to shoot him and get this burden off him, so he can go home to his Father and Creator. But a medic found him, repeating the words, “tell my wife I love her, and my baby Gabby, and my son Nathan, and my son Will that I hope will get out of this hell soon enough so they all can be with me soon.” The nurses and doctors reassured him bringing him on a stretcher and covering his wound with a small bandage. He handed them a letter, with his hand non-stop shaking, words tried to come out but all that came out of his mouth was blood. His eyes rolled over, and his dream came true.
Then there was a young boy who looked about fifteen, with a rifle in his hand, kneeling over his wounded buddy. He dragged him to safety, until he felt death hit him, stab him at the heart, a cannon blowing up right beside him, and he felt himself on flames flying to the ground. A young lady knelt over him, stroking his bloody face, “Nathan are you okay?” He felt like screaming, do I look okay with my arm way over there? But no words could come out. “Nathan-what happened?”
Then Nate’s blue eyes shot open to see his mother stroking his face. “What do you mean your arm’s way over there? I think you had a bad dream.” She said in a concerned tone. Nate burst into laughter. “It was a dream! Ma, it was just a dream!” he shouted in happiness shaking her shoulders. “Sshhh-Nathan you’ll wake up Gabby!” Nathan did a dance of great relief and then sat back on the couch. “Ma, the first man in my dream, it had to be Pa, and I dreamt his death and feelings. Then there was a second boy and it was me I got blown to pieces!” Ma did not look as happy as he did. “I don’t want to hear anymore.” She walked off to her bedroom. Ma’s right I’m just happy for myself, praising that it wasn’t real, that it wasn’t me laying in the stretcher going through what pa went through. How could I speak so cruel! Nathan bit his lip in grief; his lip was bleeding from being so chapped. He took a cup of cool water, took a gulp and swished it around before spitting it out. He dunked the rest on his face, wishing he could just wash away the past. He wanted to go back to Addie’s and help that wounded soldier, now that he half-experienced what he went through, although without even feeling it. He had an urge to do something good, to make up for the bad, but he dared not to think what her Aunt would do to the poor soldier. She kicked Nate out, what does he have left to do now?
Nathan sat in silence until he jumped at the sound of a knock at the door. He opened the door to see a soaked Elijah Bobby. “Come on in,” Nathan motioned. Elijah’s boots squeaked as he slid into the warm toasty house. He looked very panicked. “Nathan quick, get your Ma, Mrs. Walden is going into labor, our doctor is out of town right now, she needs your help!” Elijah gasped, taking deep breaths. Nate ran up and knocked on the door to his ma’s room. She came out with red weary eyes, and quickly wiped her eyes. “Ma hurry get your coat on, Mrs. Walden is having her baby next door!” Nathan told her. “Oh my goodness, I might need some of your help, so-” Nathan quickly felt sick to his stomach. “Me, help, ma-“ “Oh wipe that look off your face, I didn’t mean help in that way, I meant just to get some things. So get Gabby, gently and then hurry over. Here bring her quilt.” Nathan slowly lifted up the precious sleeping baby and held her into his arms. He quickly handed Gabby to Elijah, who felt so blessed being able to hold an infant for the first time. Nate slipped on his cat and boots, not wanting to ruin his moment; he left Gabby in Elijah’s arms, and followed Ma across the slippery street.

Ma rushed to Mrs. Walden’s bedroom where she lay in pain exhaling and inhaling deeply. Nate and Elijah leaned against the wall out in the wide hallway. Elijah gave Gabby back to Nathan, and Nate cradled her against his pumping chest. “Breathe in, breathe out.” Ma’s faint voice from the room instructed her. The door opened, “Could one of you guys get me a full cup of water?” ma asked. Seeing Nathan’s hands were full Elijah ran to get it, and came back faster than you could say Jack Flash! “Your ma sure knows what she’s doing, ya know she should have been a doctor,” Elijah explained. Nate smiled. “And you should be a runner,” he laughed. “I need Frank, please get me Frank, I’m not havin this baby till I see Frank!” shouted Mrs. Walden. “Frank can’t see you right now, but as soon as the baby is born we’ll write a letter to inform him right away, that he’s a father.” Ma reassured her, and it sure did work.
1 hour later
After more errands of running back and forth to fetch things, finally the moment happened. Elijah Bobby and Nathan had their eyes wide open when they heard a baby scream. Ma came out and handed Elijah bloody cloth. “Take this please,” ma handed it to him. Elijah held it when he felt sick, and he fell to the ground and passed out. “Lordy, Lordy, we got a man down over here!” Ma exclaimed. Nathan poured water on Elijah’s face right before Elijah Bobby threw up all over the floor. “Awe, man Elijah look what you did, awe you smell disgusting, could you clean that up? You made the mess! Man, it was so funny you about fainted when you saw some blood on that towel, hehe, you tell me I’m a coward!” Nathan about fell over with laughter, while Elijah just muttered, “be quiet” while he mopped up his mess, but he soon got a laugh out of it too. They entered the room and saw a red blob in the arms of Mrs. Walden. “It’s a boy, Frank JR. Just what Frank wanted,” she smiled. “Isn’t he adorable?” Both of the boys nodded, but they both wouldn’t call that red blob something adorable until it actually got its cuteness. Since Mrs. Walden was still weak they’d have to stay over, so Nathan sat down on a fancy chair across from Elijah Bobby, and finally taught him how to play checkers. It felt good to have someone replace Will, but just until he comes back, and then they can go back into the brother rivalries.

9
Secrets Revealed
Cassie

I ran down to the bran later that day. I needed to talk to Jonathan. “Jonathan! Jonathan!” I called. He was getting water from the well. “Yes, miss?” “Jonathan, I think I need to tell my uncle. He wouldn’t do a thing to Aaron, I know he wouldn’t!” “No miss! You can’t take any chances!” “But Jonathan! I know my uncle. He wouldn’t tell anybody, and he would certainly not kill Aaron!” “Miss, please keep your voice down! I haven’t told anybody that I caught you down at that service in the woods. Nobody knows that my daddy’s life is at stake!” “Not even your mother?” I asked. “No, not even my mammy.” “Well why not? She should know that I was there, shouldn’t she?” “Yeah, I guess. But my mammy is your nursemaid.” I gasped. Harriet was Aaron’s wife and Jonathan’s mama? I had never known that. “Jonathan, you should have told me.” Jonathan looked like he was about to cry. “You can’t tell anybody, miss. Please don’t tell anyone.” And then he was gone.
I watched Jonathan go, thinking that I had to tell somebody! But I had to talk to Harriet first.
I walked up to the house. Harriet was in my room, fixing a dress for me to wear to a dinner party that night. “Harriet, I need to talk to you.” Harriet turned around. “Ok Baby, come sit right over heuh.” I went and sat on the bed like Harriet told me too. “Harriet, you never told me that you were married or had a child!” She looked frightened at my words. “Miss Cassie, I can explain…” “Don’t bother!” I hollered. “And who taught Aaron how to read?!” Mary was passing by the door. She gasped. “Missy, how do you know that?” “I know because I went to your so-called “service” last night! And I saw Aaron reading my papa’s Bible!” Harriet’s eyes widened. “Miss, you do not breathe a word of this to anybody, you heuh? And how did you find all this out about Aaron being my husband?” “It was Jonathan. He found me at the service. He asked me not to tell anyone, but I think I should tell Uncle Carl. He wouldn’t tell anyone, Harriet, I promise!” Harriet shook her head. “Absolutely not!” “But…” “Don’t but me!” “But, how did Aaron learn to read?” “He learned how to read from your mother!” “My mother? How did she teach him to read? She died before Papa bought him. “Your mother had always known him; he had worked on her plantation when she was just a wee one. And when he got old enough, your mother teach him. Your mother was the kindest soul I ever met.”
I gulped. This was hard, listening to things about my mother. “Alright, I won’t tell.”
later
I was sitting in the parlor, reading a book, when Uncle Carl came in. “Cassie-lou!” he said, coming and sitting next to me. “Yes,” I said suspiciously. “Cassie, do you have something to tell me.” I shook my head quickly. “Well, you responded to that rather quickly. Are you sure?” “Well…” “Come on, tell me Cassie.” I knew I shouldn’t, but I just had to.
“Ok. I was in the woods last night, listening to the Negroes service. And Aaron can read, and he stole Papa’s Bible a long time ago, and Jonathan is Harriet and Aaron’s child, and, and….” “Whoa, Cassie, slow down. I already knew all that. But why didn’t you trust me?” I gaped at him. “You already knew that?” “Yes. And I knew you were lying about where you were. And I’ve known ever since I came here that the slaves are having services. And that Aaron can read. And that Harriet and Aaron are married and have Jonathan. But you know that I would never kill a slave, no matter what they did.” “I guess I knew that deep down inside of me. But all the slaves were afraid that you would kill him.” I looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry Uncle Carl.”
Uncle Carl gave me a big hug. “It’s alright Cassie. I love you.” “And I love you, Uncle Carl.”


Adelaide
Adelaide sat in her room, rocking herself in her knees. Aunt Ruth kicked Nathan out of the house and locked Adelaide up in her room, not wishing to speak to her. But Adelaide could still hear her Aunt’s high-pitched yells, and the occasional beatings outside her door. Ruth was determined to find the truth, and she was shaking it out of poor Ellie May. Suddenly the slam of the front door shook the house. There was a firm, hurried knock on her door. Adelaide opened it to see a sweating Aunt Ruth.
“I got rid of Ellie May, she’s my property no more. I hope she finds a better opportunity as someone else’s slave!” Ruth exclaimed exasperated, and pushed past her niece, taking a seat on the window cushion.
“But Aunt Ruth…why? She was such a sweet person…did no one harm!”
“Because I can’t trust someone living in my house that’s playing dangerous games behind my back instead of doing as they’re told. And as for you, little missy-“
Adelaide wasn’t about to let Aunt Ruth go on like that anymore. “No, no, no! You’re so wrong! It wasn’t her fault…it was mine, all mine. I let the poor man in, Ruth-
“Did I ask you who let him in? That’s not my care! But you obviously don’t understand, little missy that you could’ve gotten me arrested keeping a runaway like him in this house! Anyway, who gave you the authority to make these kind of decisions that you know nothing about??”
“I’m sorry, Aunt Ruth, but we only thought it was the right thing! The man was bleeding for god sakes! He needed some kind of help!”
“Are you not listening, my child? He is a coward!! Men that escape camp do not return!”
Adelaide wanted to strangle the disgusting tone right out of her aunt’s voice. “When I first met you, Aunt Ruth, I thought you the kindest woman, and perhaps-just perhaps- you could fill in our empty space as a mother. But now I see why you aren’t one! You pick and choose, and you have your favorites! You only want good times and fancy things for all, but that means nothing of love!”
“How dare you speak such things to your elder! I’m sorry I ever saved you from your father, you ungrateful creature!” Ruth was turning red, stuttering for words after being so infuriated in all her life. Adelaide still didn’t step down from her stand. Her anger would not subside.
“Saved me?? Who’s to say you saved any one of us? You’ve turned our poor little Alsy into a conceited brat- blinding her from everything she’s been reared by! But I refuse to forget my family- how it used to be! Tis because of you why I’ve hidden all my happiness!”
“I would’ve doubted you were ever happy, you plain thing! Refusing to speak and now blowing up in my face! You have no right to talk now, because I refuse to speak to such a foolish child any longer!” She got up and brushed off her skirts. “As soon as that man’s able to walk on his own two feet again, he’s walking straight out of this house!”
Later
After two days of a growling stomach shut up inside her room, Adelaide was let out. She soon learned her brother Adam hadn’t even noticed her gone with punishment, because he spent all his days at the Smithy shop. And Alsy didn’t even care; all her life depended on looking like a princess these days. And surprisingly, she discovered that Aunt Ruth didn’t inform her brother about what had happened. But she figured it must’ve been for the better because Adam didn’t seem to stay home at all, to Adelaide he barely even existed. She worried about him often, what he did or thought every day, but now she was too busy to bother with him. She had a deserter on her mind.
Saturday she came downstairs to find Aunt Ruth with the deserter at the kitchen table. He could finally do things himself, and also looked rather clean-shaven with new clothes and healthy appetite. He gobbled the pastry in one bite, and chewed with his mouth open. Though as he did this, Adelaide noticed he stared at Ruth the entire time.
Aunt Ruth pretended not to notice that, and instead turned to Adelaide. Before any words could escape her disdaining lips, Adelaide interrupted. “Aunt Ruth, I am sorry. Please forgive the things I said.”
Ruth forced a smile. “I didn’t take them to heart dear.” Adelaide slid into the chair beside her. Her aunt must have been in a fortunately good mood, for she was even making conversation with her. “Why do you think he came here? He passed so many more lavish homes down the road. Do you think there’s a reason?”
Adelaide shrugged, agreeing with her aunt’s suspicion. “Maybe you should ask him.”
“He hasn’t talked since he came here- nothin but grunts and nods. You know that.”
“Actually, I think he’s faking. A few bloody wounds don’t cause you to lose your tongue, and looking at him eat so heartedly now, I don’t believe he’s in shock.” Ruth smiled at my suggestion slyly, and then they both turned to look across the table at him. He swallowed his last bit of food and then blinked cluelessly at them.
“Well then sir, what is your name?”
He didn’t answer.
Aunt Ruth cleared her throat. “No more food until you answer this simple request. What is your name, please?”
His gaze dropped to his plate. He began to wring his hands nervously in his lap.
“We swear not to use the information against you.”
He looked up one last time and looked into Ruth’s eyes, for a moment opening his mouth as if preparing himself for words. But nothing came. Ruth sighed and got up from the table. “I do believe we adopted a deaf mute into this house.” She turned on her feet, halfway across the kitchen when a mumble broke the tense air around them.
“Matthew.”
“What? Math? What about math?” Ruth laughed at him as if he was a joke.
“Oh Aunt Ruth, just listen! He’s trying to tell you something and you’re the one giving up.” Ruth blinked at Adelaide, wishing to say something more against that, but his cough got their attention again.
“Matthew. I am…Matthew. Matthew McKinley, from this town.”
Suddenly Aunt Ruth’s color drained from her face and she gripped the chair to steady herself.
“No…you can’t possibly be…” Her whispers drained away, and a dreamy look came to her eyes.
“What’s the matter, Aunt Ruth? Is something wrong?”
Tears clung to her eyes. “Matthew…” Her body wanted to collapse but she didn’t budge.
“Ruth? You know this Matthew?”
She ignored Adelaide and got up briskly, escaping out of the kitchen and fleeing upstairs. Adelaide just sat there, trading glances with Matthew.
“What’s happened here? Did I miss something?”
The man just put his head down on the table, as if he was exhausted. Slowly a muffled voice sounded from wrapped in his arms, where his head lay. “I’m truly sorry to bring trouble upon this family.”
“What trouble? You are of no trouble, Mr. Matthew-“
He trembled and lifted his head to finally meet Adelaide’s eyes. “I knew your mother almost thirty years ago. I… I asked her to marry me almost every day I saw her. But then I became in debt for gambling, and was wanted all over the state for the money I owed. So I left to never return. So many men were being killed those days for cheating and gambling debts, that my entire family assumed I was dead. But here I am, wishing I had never survived that dang battle. Like the coward I’ve always been, I ran away again…it had been so long I just thought I could see her one more time…” Tears glazed both their eyes. Adelaide didn’t know what to think, besides how small her world had seemed to become.
“…But I didn’t know she was married.” Adelaide’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “Married? She isn’t married-
“You aren’t Ruth’s daughter?”
“Oh no, I forgive your mistake though,” Adelaide laughed.
“You mean to tell me she hasn’t married since? Why?”
Adelaide shook her head and looked away. She didn’t think she’d ever understand why, though lately more deep secrets were being untangled. Adelaide wondered what could go surprisingly wrong next…



June 21st, 1862
3 months later

Nathan
Three months had passed, and summer had finally arrived. Nathan was sixteen now, since his birthday was in May.
Ma shut the door behind her trapping the warm breeze outside. She had a big smile on her face as she waved an envelope to him. “It’s from your brother Will.” Ma said anxiously ripping the envelope. At the sound of his brothers’ name, Nate immediately returned that smile. Ma read it out loud to him.
Dear Family,
I am sorry to disappoint you with your hopes of me coming to visit, although you will be expecting a visitor. She is a fine young lass, and we are engaged. Her name is Penelope Marissa Jacobs, but she likes to be called Miss Penny for short, but don’t take her name as her value, since she certainly is priceless. Although now she admires to be called Mrs. Penny Parker, she claims it fits beautifully. And talk about beautiful, she is gorgeous; and I know Papa would be real proud that I got to keep the rose out of the pile of weeds, (as he would put it!) I know you guys will love her, and sorry that you will probably won’t get this letter until the day of her arrival.
Mother~ I have waited for this moment all my like, to have you feel proud and treat her as your own daughter, like Gabriella. Mother I love you and miss you dearly. I wish I could just get out of this hell and cuddle up in your arms as I did when I was just a boy. But I can’t run away from my fears, since I am a man now. I am truly blessed to have lasted this long, and that I have met the love of my life. You may not believe it but I cry for Pa every day, I claim myself a wimp, while Marissa claims me the bravest man she has ever met. (I like to call her Marissa; I believe that is going to be our first daughter’s name.) No need to worry for me, they gave me Pa’s bible that leads me on the right path everyday. I hope you will let her stay till the first week of July. Then she will come visit me, and during the fall, hopefully I’ll be able to come visit with her. We still haven’t planned where we are going to live after this war-if it ever ends. Forgive me for my foolish complaints.
Nate- I miss our idiotic quarrels, and don’t forget I’m still undefeated in Checkers! I heard that a new girl moved in, sounds as if you are pretty fond of her. Soon enough you could be in my place! Just like you, when I was your age I wanted to prove I was brave and sign up for war. But trust me, you don’t. My worst nightmare would to see you in the battlefield beside me in place of my buddy. You don’t want to hear about it. He had a great sense of humor, and he loved to talk. He reminded me of you. But I would never wish for you to be in his place. He was blown up, with two stubs now, would have been worse if it hadn’t been for me. He hates me for saving his life, because he said it would have been better to be dead. I feel awful. I don’t know why he reminds me of you, maybe because it’s his everyday jokes, in no matter what he can always laugh even if he was non-stop bleeding, and had two stubs for his legs. Or maybe it’s his blue eyes, which contains the most hope it looks like they could burst. Beyond that I feel like we could never see the sky the color of his eyes anymore. Plus, he’s brave, unlike me Nathan, you may look like mother, but you have father’s fearlessness. Behind this ripped bloody uniform, I am a true coward. Enough of this nonsense, I feel like a poet in his own world wishing for what can’t exist. With all are differences we are a lot alike, bro. Penny sure wants to meet you, if you ask me; I think she thinks you’re even more handsome than me! And that’s a once in a lifetime! (I’m joking.) Give a kiss to Gabby for me, I bet she sure is pretty now.
Forgive me, I wasn’t intending on such a long letter. Tell Marissa I love and miss her just like you guys. I feel like there is no love out here.
Kindly,
William Benjamin Parker
Ma set her damp handkerchief from her eyes, on her wobbly knees, and anyone could see she longed for her oldest son. Nate’s head was in his hands, he took a deep sigh. Great, a summer with his brother’s fiancé; this will be interesting.

Later
“So you’re going to have a sister-in-law now?” Adelaide asked with her chin in her clenched fist. “I’d say it that way; yep.” Nate threw a rock into the sparkling creek. He pulled his shirt over his head and laid down in the creek. “She sounds fascinating, I’d like to meet her.” Cassie looked up into the sky with her hair in the water.

Elijah Bobby came running to his side, with his head dripping a pool of sweat, he dumped his head into the cool water, and made a satisfied sound of relief. “Nate, you’ve got a visitor. “ he splashed water on his face. “And you might want to change out of those wet clothes, she looks mighty fancy.” He chuckled to himself. “Especially with four suitcases just for two weeks!” he got up and ran off. Nathan slowly got up looking down at his worn out sopping britches and his bare feet and shrugged to himself. “I don’t see why I have to look better for people with just more money on their hands.” Cassie looked surprise at his comment, but ignored it.

“See you later guys, especially for the Fourth of July!” Nate pulled his shirt back on, took slow steps, feeling ashamed that he wasn’t so enthusiastic for his brothers’ bride to be. Summer just wasn’t the same without Pa, and Will, and it never would be.
Nathan opened the door to see a curly blonde-haired girl, whom looked about nineteen, with lots of makeup on, wearing a frilly long white dress that dragged behind her and a pink rose pinned to a big fancy hat with a fish-net veil covering her forehead. She was sitting with her legs crossed rocking nervously in the wicker rocking chair that Nathan had helped fix. She was constantly chitter-chattering with a lady-like New York accent. When she heard the door shut, she finished her sentence and peered over at Nathan smiling. She got up, as if wanting to get a closer look. “You must be Nathan,” she looked confused at his wet clothes. She shook his grimy hands, wiping it on a napkin. “Is there an ocean around here?” she asked spying his wet britches. Nathan laughed; she looked hurt as if he was being unkind. “Just a stream ma`am,” “You looked much taller in the pictures William showed me of you. But those beautiful blue eyes, I would be so dazzled if William had inherited those,” she gazed into them, as if she had never see something more amazing. Nathan had already disliked her. She bent over and kissed him on the cheek, leaving deep red lipstick smears. Nathan wiped them off, as Mrs. Parker came down carrying Gabby, who had just woken up. “There’s Nate.” She smiled and let Gabby down who came running in Nathan’s arms with a big kiss. Penny looked sad, turned around sipping a cup of her tea she sat back down. Nathan ran upstairs to change out of his clothes.
Later
They all were sitting down eating supper, while Penny was doing most of the talking.

“I met Will as he with his friends stopped at the bar where my show was being played, I was singing my song, and in the middle of it we just met each others eyes and couldn’t look away. It was so romantic. Then the next day, he asked me to marry him. It was the most delightful moment in my life!” Ma’s eyes bugged. Nathan sat in silence chewing his food.

“Could I hold her?” she held out her slender arms to Gabby’s. Gabby turned away crying. Penny looked embarrassed. “I guess I’ll have to get used to it sometime, when William and I have our beautiful baby. She wiped her face with a hankerchief after looking down at her slender stomach that looked impossible to hold a baby in. Ma looked shocked.

“William is going to be a father-me a Grandmother?”

“Oh he didn’t tell you?” Penny’s cheeks flushed crimson. “Oh dear me, my big mouth, maybe he wanted to keep it a surprise.” she covered her mouth and smiled as if she was looking into his face at the moment. “I truly miss him.” She sighed, and bent her head over and took a forkful of broccoli. Her pinky stuck out as she carried her tea to her thin-lined lips.

“Nathan you sure are quiet, do you ever speak?” she looked at him with a bothered glance. Nathan’s head lifted up as he heard his name as the subject of the new topic. “What?” Nathan asked, he hadn’t been listening to her conversation, and didn’t know why she was calling his name. Her green eyes got bigger.

“Please, replace the word what with excuse me, I dread the word what, especially when it is directed to me.” She said as if she were his boss. Nathan looked at his ma, and surprisingly she nodded with her, he couldn’t believe it, she was agreeing!

“I still haven’t heard a word from you, at least a pleasant one.” She eyed him as if he was hiding a secret she needed to hear.

He couldn’t stand being the subject of her talk! Couldn’t she stand one moment of peace? He wanted this summer to be peaceful, but that would be impossible with “Mrs. Penny Parker!” She shouldn’t even have that name, never was a Parker like this. Then ma eyed him as if she was angry about his silence. “What am I supposed to say?” he asked befuddled greatly. There he said something is she happy now? Ma dropped her fork and looked away, as if she was mortified of her own sons’ behavior. Penny just laughed. “Oh this boy is a mystery!” she exclaimed. Boy? Come to think of it he was only three years younger than her! And mystery, why was not listening to pointless conversations a mystery?

“How is Will?” Nate asked. “Will is fine-why do you question?” Penny looked cheerful that she had got him to say something, and wanted to get more out of him. “It was just a simple question no need to question it as if it’s a mystery. Can’t I be concerned about my own brother who is in the same place where my father died?” Nathan was irritated now.

“Nathan, don’t speak of such, she is his wife! Now go to your room, and don’t come back down until you have erased such thoughts! And apologize to your own sister-in law!” Ma said raising her voice. “Why can’t I speak of Pa? You think that since he is dead he must not be spoken of! I think it wouldn’t harm if you spoke of good memories of him, at least the people that can handle it, and speak of the past without shooing it away!” he eyed his mother. He felt as if he was going to cry, but he fought it back. He didn’t want Penny to think he was still a child. He slowly walked across the room and shut the front door behind him. He sat down on the doorstep and thought over his foolish words and temper he had shown.

How could Will describe him as brave, and always carrying a smile upon his face? He got up and walked a while until he reached his fathers grave. There was a vase that stood there with his favorite flower in it, and an American flag. There was a small Bible that lay down beside it. He read his father’s grave:
DANIEL NATHANIEL PARKER 1822-1862 a loving husband, father and Union soldier.

He sighed at the description. That wasn’t all his father was. There was more to him, a lot more. And he wanted people to know how much more he was. He sighed sat down beside his grave. He closed his eyes and tried to relive the past. If only he could live his father’s last few years with more adventure and thankfulness. Without his everyday sins, foolishness, and bad tempers, that showed to everyone. Nathan began to feel a bit afraid to hear footsteps behind him.

“I’m sorry about your father,” Penny lifted her long trailing dress and sat down beside him. She took her hat off and set it beside her.

“I wish I had a father to remember good memories of; my father always was just a drunken hollow man behind his hoaxing good looks. He was real rich, but not with love. He abused me a lot. Once I had to get a doctor. My mom left when I was two. I discovered my stunning voice, and decided to get away from him. I became famous in New York well, at least in bars. Though sometimes they spit at me, and threw things at me. My father was never there for me. I haven’t seen him since, and I don’t want too. I bet he hasn’t changed a bit, with all those rich women surrounding him. I heard he went to fight in war, but I doubt it. It’s probably just a rumor, because he was a coward, and very selfish. Enough of him. Tell me about yours. I am so glad that I’ll have at least one good father to remember.” She pleaded wiping what would have been tears with her hankerchief. Nathan began to feel deep sympathy for her, and he didn’t know if that was good or bad. He felt bad for being so harsh toward her, but he didn’t admit it.

“Did you ever meet your mother?” Nathan asked disobeying her order of forgetting her tragic life. Here she was smiling, when she probably had a worse life than him. He felt ashamed of his complaints. “Never saw her again either. I think she moved to California, and is some famous opera singer, but I’ll never know what’s true. Now please, enough of my pitiful past, I want to hear about your father.” She pleaded once more. Nathan smiled. “He’ll probably sound like an ordinary father to you, but he isn’t to me.” “I don’t know what an ordinary father is. Forgive me for interrupting, please don’t stop, go on.” “He’s kind of hard to explain, -I wish you could just meet him.” “It’s okay if you cry in front of me, it doesn’t mean you’re a coward, to me it means you loved someone, you cared for them and you’re good-hearted. I’ve had plenty of men cry in front of me. Oh dear, it seems I’m interrupting again." Nathan took her compliment but he didn’t cry for some reason, instead he smiled when spoke about his father. “He made everyone laugh, even the snobbiest people. He was kind, brave, intelligent, a good-handyman, and he loved everyone, even his enemies.” “I can see it runs in the family." She smiled.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Nathan disagreed. “Your mother and Will told me a lot about you, and I could hear a little bit of all what you said in their conversations. “

“But how can I love my enemies if I didn’t love the Confederate soldiers, or the man who shot my father?” Nathan was puzzled. “Notice the past tense verb in your sentence. Do you still hate the man or Confederates now?" Nathan didn’t answer, he just kept looking down. “

Forgive me, it was a silly question, Nathan I’d like you to teach me how you have so much hope and confidence in yourself. And a lot of faith.” She said seriously.

Nathan was confused, was he missing something because he didn’t see any of that in himself. To some they think he’s a mystery, some can read him like a book. He just couldn’t figure it out. “It’s getting dark out, I think we should be getting home now.” She replied. “Wait! Here instead of telling you how my father was, just read this.” He pulled out where he usually kept the letter, from his right pocket. “It was the last letter he had written before he died.” Nathan felt strange, he hadn’t showed this to anyone, but now- why her? She unfolded it, and started to read to herself. Penny smiled, folded it back and stuck it back in his pocket. “I think you described him well, I wish I could have met him

Later
When they got back home, Nate apologized to ma and kissed Gabby goodnight. Penny seemed glad to sleep in Will’s room, so nothing changed. He felt wrong to have misjudged Penny before even really meeting her. She actually was pretty fascinating, as Cassie had described her. He pulled his covers up, closed his Bible, and blew out his candle.

He longed for what the new day would bring him.


10
The Pursuit of Happiness

Cassie
I was sitting on the veranda, sketching a picture of the full, luscious green trees, when Uncle Carl came out and patted my knee. I looked up. “May I help you?” I asked politely, wanting to get back to sketching. “Cassie, I am going to fight in the war.” I gasped. “When did you decide this? You’re against war!” Uncle Carl looked sad. “Cassie, I don’t think the South is going to win the war, but I have to go fight for the Union, and make sure the South doesn’t win.” “But Uncle Carl, just because you are fighting doesn’t mean that North will win the war.” “Cassie, I know, but I will feel better if I go and fight. Slavery can’t continue; it’s just too cruel. And it will continue if the South wins.” I shook my head. “But, Papa is fighting as well. What are we going to do while you are gone?”
Uncle Carl explained to me that Mr. Parks, the manager would manage the plantation. “But, Uncle Carl…” “Cassie- Lou, I don’t want to do this. But I have to.”
Later
Uncle Carl left the next day. Annabelle and Alexis were sad to see him go. I think they loved him even more than they loved Papa. “Uncle Carl, don’t go!” Annabelle cried. “Oh, Anna, I wish I didn’t have to. But I do.” Alexis was crying, and even I was fighting back tears.
After he left, I ran down to the creek. I did not want to be around grumpy Mr. Parks.
When I got to the creek, Nathan was there, playing with Gabby. “Hi,” Nate said. I ignored him and sat down on a rock in the middle of the creek, hiking up my skirts. “Uh, hello?” Nate said, raising an eyebrow quizzically. I looked up at him with a tear-stained face. “Cassie, what’s the matter?” he asked sitting down beside me. “Oh, Nathan, my uncle has gone to war! To fight for the Union! And he left Papa’s grump, old, tired manager Mr. Parks in charge.” “Oh, Cassie, I’m so sorry.” “You should be happy that someone in Richmond is going to fight for the Union!” I said angrily. “But I’m not happy when you’re not happy.” I smiled a small smile. “Well, thank you Nathan. I appreciate it.” He smiled back.
We sat there for a while, in silence, until Gabby started crying. “Well, I should get her home,” Nate said. “Yeah, I should be getting home too.” “Bye,” Nate said, swinging Gabby up in his arms.

Later
I received a letter that afternoon from Papa.

Dear Cassie,
How are the crops doing? How are you, my beautiful daughter? How are Annabelle and Alexis?
My girl, as you know, you are fourteen. You are of courting age.
You need to start meeting young men. I know you have taken a liking to young Nathan Parker, but he is really not right for you. You need a man of wealth, and of character.
An old friend of mine, Arthur Daniels, has a son Richard, and he is a bit older than you. He has already graduated from the University of William and Mary. The Daniels’ are from Arlington, and he is an old business partner of mine. I have given my permission for young Richard to court you. He coming to Richmond to live, and his father says he plans to visit you on June 23rd.
I know you might not be very happy with me at first, but you are fourteen years old, and you need suitors.
I love you, don’t forget that, Cassie.
Lovingly,
Papa

I gasped. I was fuming! Papa, sending someone to court me!? And saying that Nathan Parker was not good enough for me! I looked at the date that Richard Daniels was coming to visit. June 23rd. The next day was June 23rd! “Harriet!” I squealed.

Later
The doorbell rang. I wished more than ever that Papa had not sent the Daniel’s son to court me.
Harriet opened the door. “Oh miss Cassie!” she called. I was sitting on the staircase, peering through the cracks of the banister. What would mature, old, Richard Daniels think of me, an immature fourteen-year-old sitting in on the staircase spying on him. “Coming,” I called softly. Now, I am not a shy person, but I was going to be, and not make any conversation with Mr. Daniels, try to make him think I was a shy, quiet, impolite individual.
I went down the stairs, lifting my skirts that were a rich, silvery blue in color. The young man standing in the corridor was a handsome, well- dressed man. He had a head full of thick, brown hair, and a thick, brown mustache. I felt self-conscious all of a sudden, with my ugly freckles and ratty hair. Mr. Daniels was probably twenty- four years old, a whole ten years older than me. Mr. Daniels took my hand and kissed it, while I curtsied. “My, how you have grown Miss Cassie.” I looked puzzled. “Have I met you before, Mr. Daniels?” “Of course! About five years ago you came up to Arlington with your father. And you were a pretty child, but now you are truly beautiful!” I blushed furiously. “Thank you very much Mr. Daniels. He smiled at me.
“Are you ready to go to the fair?” “The fair?” I thought we were having dinner.” “Well, have one of the slaves pack a fantastic picnic, and then we’ll go.” I was offended that he assumed the slaves would pack a picnic basket, instead of maybe me. “I’ll go pack it. Harriet, please take Mr. Daniels into the parlor, please.” Mr. Daniels looked at me strangely. “You’re going to pack the picnic?” “Yes, of course.” He just shrugged and followed Harriet to the parlor.
I sighed. This was going to be a long night.
Later
Mr. Daniels took me back home late that night. The outing was not fun at all. All Mr. Daniels could talk about was how ill behaved his slaves were. I tried to defend the slaves, because I knew he was exaggerating.
“Well, Mr. Daniels, I had a very nice time. But I’m getting very tired, and I must retire. “Please, excuse me.” “Ur, Miss Cassie.” I turned around. I was already half way up the stairs. “Yes?” “Will you see me again?” I didn’t know how to answer that. “Uh, maybe. Good- bye.” I turned and ran up the stairs. I did not want to see him for a long time.

Adelaide
Spring seemed to melt into summer as fast as an ice cube
on a frying pan. Many things had happened, most of them which Adelaide wished had never happened at all.
Mr. Matthew McKinley, who they had long since been calling Mack, was soon accepted into their home with welcoming arms. Well, Ruthie’s arms, it seemed. It was happy to see them reunited and for a while, Aunt Ruth was a cheerful person all around. All around until May, when Mack decided to come over his cowardice and finally be a man. He said seeing Ruth and making amends with the Lord and his health again strengthened him. So the only way to show it, he figured, was go back. Back to battling along the East Coast against the Federals, so to save his once cherished hometown.
Though that wasn’t what left a hole in Adelaide’s stomach still today.
Adam had gotten his head so wrapped up in the new world around him; he just died to be a part of it. So one night in early May he followed a group of his friends to the enlisting station downtown. He left with Mack, without a word to anyone.
Adelaide felt she had no one left to depend on. She was so angry she scribbled her first letter to her big brother saying; you’re just like papa! You said it was for the better he was gone- and you followed him right into it! Not thinking of anyone else but yourself and leaving us girls behind when you knew you were the last family we could depend on. If you go and get yourself killed I hope you know how that will leave us. I’m sorry we ever came to Richmond! You used to be my best friend- and now you’re letting me sit here and forget your face just like we all did pa. I don’t think I can ever forgive you.
That did it. Ever since then not a word was delivered back from him. Adelaide cried herself to sleep every night, regretting every word she had written although she knew they were still true. She couldn’t even bring herself to write him back. Some nights she awoke with nightmares that she saved pa but watched Adam die right before her eyes.
Every day went back to being like before, except hotter and more unbearable. Ruth hadn’t ever gotten a servant to replace Ellie May so she made Adelaide do all the cleaning. Adelaide was convinced she did it on purpose. So mostly she scrubbed clothes and dreamed she could just be like the mop she held in her hands. Or, she dreamed of Nathan. She knew she was being far too silly for her own age and that they were just friends, but Nate had always been so kind to her. When Adam left for battle a month ago, he even came over to talk to her all night long because she couldn’t sleep. He was the only brother she had left.
Though Adelaide couldn’t help thinking about lots of things lately, for that was the only thing she could do to keep her sane. She couldn’t help but notice Cassie had been inviting strange men over her house, and would go out to dances or picnics with them all the time. Adelaide saw her just recently with her own eyes take the gloved hand of a young handsome man and let him help her up in his fancy carriage. Adelaide long ago decided she’d end up an old maid like her Aunt Ruth. She’d rather live alone and unbothered with the horrible war than have her heartbroken. She’d seen it happen so many times. But sometimes she couldn’t escape the little pang of envy deep inside when Cassie came over to inform her of dates and beaus, things Adelaide would have nothing of. Even if she did love someone, he probably wouldn’t be wealthy like Cassie’s father wanted. But Adelaide wouldn’t mind at all. She didn’t think that was what love was about. Then again, what did she know about love? What did she know about anything?
A slam of a door startled Adelaide, and she quickly wrung out the mop, slopped it back in the bucket and placed it back where it belonged. Wiping her hands on her apron, a little head of curls suddenly bounced into the room and buried itself in her skirts.
“What’s wrong Alsy?”
“I didn’t mean it, Lady…I didn’t! Mommy’s angry with me!”
Adelaide’s chin quivered. She still hadn’t adjusted to the idea of Ruth being mommy just yet.
“All I said was…was how come you made Mack go away- I asked, is that why you have no husband? You make them all leave?”
Adelaide picked a clean corner of her apron and wiped Alice’s wet cheeks. “Oh Alsy, you know not to say such things!’
“I didn’t mean it to be rude, but- I liked Mack. I miss him. And I just thought…well…Auntie’s so lonely, I thought she needed somebody.”
“There, there, I understand.” Adelaide wrapped her arms around her just as long as she would let her. “I don’t think she needs anyone, Alsy.”
“But she cries herself to sleep at night. I heard her.”
Adelaide swallowed hard. The thought of Ruth feeling hurt almost surprised her, as if she could never feel at all.
“We all cry ourselves to sleep sometimes, Alsy,” Adelaide replied, thinking of her own grief at night.
“No. I don’t! I’m always happy!” She shook her head and grinned, for once forcing Adelaide to hate her smile. “Not once? Not for your brother leaving home…maybe never to come back?” Anger somehow found itself into the conversation.
“Adelaide! How dare you talk to her like that! Only a little child…scaring her about her brother’s death! And it won’t happen!” A haughty voice startled the both of them. Alice wheeled around and ran to “mommy” repeating apologies over and over. Adelaide watched Ruth bend down and whisper forgiving words into her ear and hug her sister tight. But she knew they were false. Her aunt couldn’t hide the tears still shining in her eyes.


Nathan
A few days had passed, and most of them Nathan was dragged through clothing shops and intriguing places that ma claimed Penny absolutely had to see in Richmond. When they were in town Nathan couldn’t believe how many wagons were pulling thousands of wounded and dead Rebel soldiers to what was left of the room they had in the hospitals. Nathan’s eyes bugged at how quickly they were increasing. Not only were they increasing, prices were rising also. Nathan had been buying every newspaper he passed. All of them had alleged the Rebels were winning; though he assumed up North they said the Federals were winning. He didn’t know which one to believe. More and more Federal spies were being hanged and imprisoned, a large amount of women. They must have guts to risk their life for something like that; but then again so were soldiers. He would never be able to be a spy, he could never keep secrets.
Today ma and Penny wanted to go by the people who have no homes, and were in poverty, also the refugee asylums to visit and bake cakes and bread to provide for them. They were becoming very close to each other.
“Here Nathan, you take this, Penny could you bring this for me?” Ma had Gabby on her hip, and was handing us a cake and bread to carry. Nate pulled his boots on and walked out the door. “Nate you’re growing out of those boots too fast, I think I need to get you another pair.” She said eyeing his worn out boots. Nathan shrugged. “ Maybe it’s just the fact that they have a bunch of holes in them.” Nathan laughed and ma and Penny snickered along. They both strolled on and on chit-chatting about the clothes they would love to have, but they all realized the prices were rising rapidly. As they were walking, Nate was the only one who noticed a soldier on the side of the street, motioning them to stop.
“Excuse us, sir but we’d like to get past and give these to some of the homeless and sick children and adults.” Ma demanded unsure of what was going on. Gabby smiled at the tall very young man, not much older than Nathan himself. The man glared at her back scowling. He then shot a look at Penny; an outlandish look that made her look away from him. “Let’s see what we have hidden in here today,” he said with a sarcastic grin on his face. He snatched Nathan’s cake he was holding and started to examine it closely. Nathan looked confused. The man started digging through the cake causing tons of crumbs to fall on the ground, and soon enough the cake was gone.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Nathan was furious. He looked over at ma, expecting her to refuse also, but she stood tall there chewing her lip, as if it was biting the grief away. “You’re going to let him do that Ma?” Nathan asked in shock. Penny was speechless as he snatched the fresh baked loaf of bread from her tender soft hands. He started to do the same to the bread also. “Okay, that’s done, please tell me you don’t have anything hidden in your bodice or petticoats, that I have to search, do you? Or how about you boy?” he asked with a sly grin. Nathan looked at him scowling with an angry glare. All of his anger was building up, but nothing was coming out. “You most certainly do not. You have already done plenty, thank you.” Penny said with a tone of complete rage, as she snatched the empty platter from his hands. “You have embarrassed us greatly, and you should be ashamed of yourself. A man with no manners at all. You just ruined the poor children’s food I was bringing to them to cheer them up.” ma dabbed a hankerchief on her eyes.
“I apologize, but I am sure that wouldn’t cheer them up much. If you want to cheer them up, bring their family back from the dead that your friends the Federals killed.” He replied snottily.
“And thanks too for killing my father. Now what is this all about?” Nathan replied back with the same snotty tone.
“According to the new law in Richmond, President Jefferson Davis, declares to check all Federals, to make sure that they are not into any suspicious Union activity.” The soldier commented with a rather tedious accent. Nathan exploded with fume inside. President Lincoln was a much better man. He heard that Lincoln let go a famous Confederate spy when she had done much harm to the Union army. Assuming of the new law he supposed President Davis wouldn’t do anything like that.
The three of them walked past the vulgar soldier, in distress. Hundreds of children and starving people sat on the dirty streets with nothing but a quilt to lie on, beseeching for food and money. A familiar face hit Nathan like a bullet; Isaac Jones used to be his best friend until this war started, and he was driven out of his own home. “Isaac, I haven’t seen you in such a long time, wh..Wha..what h-“ Nathan was entirely interrupted as Isaac began to hurl a rock at them. “HEY!” Nathan screamed as he shoved Ma and Penny out of the way. “RUN!” They began to run away, and Nate did too until, tons of the rest of old women, and little children started to join in and hurl big stones at him. “YANKEE DEVILS!” they screeched.
Nathan tried to scurry away and block out the hurtful words as they cursed at him, he began to run, when a large stone shot right into his leg like a bullet through skin. He couldn’t move. A woman hollered “YOU KILLERS!! WE HATE YOU! YOU DAMN FEDERALS KILLED MY HUSBAND AND SON! “ She hurled a rock and it struck his stomach. He covered his head with his elbow. “Yeah mine too, just for some niggers!” One hit his elbow. That was it. He couldn’t stand the words. The word revenge crawled up his body hoping to get the message through. It was his time to fight back. Nathan staggered on his knees and with all his might hurled a rock back at them, “YOU, Y-“ he just couldn’t find the words. They all ducked and it missed. At the moment for some exotic reason, his fathers face came to his eyes. He was sweating, and he thought he was going to die of heat exhaustion. After that, everything stopped.
Pain stung his ankle, as he wiped deep red blood off his legs and stomach. His arms and elbows were bruised and scraped. Penny and Ma rushed over to him, with tears in their eyes they couldn’t even look at him. His mind blocked out, and his head was throbbing. He had no idea what happened after that, but all he remembered was the people’s smiles as they hurled the stone to him. As if that was going to bring their beloved family back. What was this war doing? He wished he told them what they did to his father. Just because they were in poverty, made no right to feel pity amongst themselves and stone a 16-year old boy! After that he remembered Penny’s arm around one waist, and ma’s around the other, as he limped and barely made it. On the way, Nat caught a glance back toward the soldier with his arms crossed and a look as he shrugged and shook his head as if he was telling him “I told you so.” Nathan spit on the dirt, showing him, how worthless and arrogant he was.
“What’s the matter, are you coughing up blood?” Ma’s face appeared in his. He turned away from the soldier back forward, and kept his head down.
Later
Nathan opened his eyes to see tons of duplicates of ma’s face, and he finally blinked it away. She was applying cold water on his face, as Penny was wrapping his stomach and ankle in bandages. “Aah,” he grimaced as she pressed on his stomach.
“Nathan honey, what have you gotten yourself into?” Ma murmured to herself, but Nate heard it. Pictures of the past of he and Isaac, playing ball together and cracking jokes, and skipping rocks in the creek. “Hey Nathan, you’re my best friend you know that? The bestest I could ever have. I won’t ever forget you…never.” He had told him that when he was five. Suddenly Elijah Bobby’s face appeared in his mind. Nathan bit his lip at the pain coming from his ankle. He also tried to bite back that word the lady had called out about blacks. He absolutely loathed that word. Isaac’s home was shattered by drunken bastards, that mistakenly thought his home was someone elses. Someone elses meaning a Union family, when he wasn’t. His dad was killed in the war, and his ma died from typhoid fever, while having a baby; which died also. He was left with nothing. He boldly survived this long, with his younger sister, all this way. And he felt like he needed someone to blame it on. Not just someone, -his bestest friend. Someone to let all his pain out and throw stones at. Nathan sucked in the joyful but painful memories, trying to forget them, when he should be trying to remember them. “Nathan are you okay?” Penny stroked his hair. “I just want you to say thank you, for saving me and your mothers lives. William was right about you being brave and all. I’m really glad that I’m part of your family. Whenever you talk with me, and comfort me, I just wanted you to know that you helped me out a lot. Giving me your bible, I’ve been reading it, and it’s just so amazing, I can’t believe nobody had ever told me about this before. I have a question how do you, how do you know you believe in Him, I mean how do you know you’re going to heaven?”
“Just ask The Lord for forgiveness from your sins, believe me, I thought it the same way, but it’s not a hard task. Just ask him to forgive your sins and just talk to him. Thank him for what he has blessed you with, and just pour out all your feelings to him. Ask him to come into you, to come into your life, and help you be a body of Christ. Just do that and trust me good things will happen, if you don’t believe you changed then you don’t have faith in him. But if you do, you won’t believe what miracles and good things will happen.”
“Though do you take being stoned, and having your father die, a blessing, how do you thank him for that?” she asked.
Nate took a deep breath. “You just gotta face the facts, that your life can’t be perfect. If you’re a true Christian you would just assume that he had those things happen in your life for a special reason.”
“That’s exactly right.” A voice appeared from behind them. Ma was washing a dish with a rag smiling. “ Thanks, thanks a lot Nate. You’ve really changed me. “ She placed a cold hand on top of his. That was all he needed, just some encouragement, and he was already feeling better.

After a day of total rest, Nathan insisted that he should get some fresh air. Ma refused to let him go alone, so she had Penny walk with him to the creek. Penny had her arm around his wrapped up waist, with his leg limping also. They sat down beside the creek and Nate stuck his hurt foot in the blissful water. Penny had taken out his Bible that she hadn’t left without since he gave it to her, and opened up to a folded page from the New Testament.
“Nate, I don’t understand,” she dapped away a tear. “Why would he die to save the people that despised him? They mocked him, and didn’t even believe what he said. I was thinking that if I was born into those times, I wouldn’t be sure, if I would believe him either. Does that make me awful?”
“No, he died to save their sins. As meaning forgive them. Even if they were mean to him, that’s just the way it was. But don’t feel bad, that’s how he planned it, there were still people who believed him back then. And no that wouldn’t make you awful, that just explains the reason why he had you born in this era.” He smiled. She nodded as in a deep thought and returned the smile.
Soon approaching footsteps and laughter came from behind them. “Why, hello madam, you must be Penny, William’s fiancé, am I right?” Cassie presented her with a curtsey as she sat down with them. “Yes, indeed, you are right,” she said closing the Good Book, and standing up with a hand to shake. “And you are?”
“Cassie,” and “Adelaide. Adelaide Whitson.” They both replied sweetly before inviting themselves down with them. Nathan tried to get up to scoot down and make room for them, so Penny had to get up and help him. Cassie and Adelaide exchanged ghastly looks. “Wh-What happened to you?” Addie asked showing full concern. Nate shot a look at Penny and breathed out a sigh. “He-he cut himself-“ Penny tried to lie, but Nathan wouldn’t allow it. “No, that’s not true. We went to visit the homeless, and refugee asylum’s and people started throwing rocks at us.”
“Why would they do such a thing?” Cassie asked furious.
“Because we’re Federals; can’t you understand?” Nathan noticed his tone of voice was increasing; he caught himself and brought it back to normal. “I mean, you see their whole life was taken by the Union, they are missing, family, homes, money. They just wanted to blame it on us because we root for their enemy. It’s just as simple as that. If you two ever go to a place like that in North, probably the same thing might happen, but you never know. I’m just warning you. My old best friend Isaac was one of them. He was the one that injured my stomach.” “That’s awful, you’re stomach too?” Adelaide bent over too see a big bandage across his waist, and made a grimace. “And the soldier that ruined the food we baked for them, I just couldn’t help to notice, that behind his crudeness, his eyes seemed to show sadness. As if they were pleading for help. As if he didn’t want to be doing what he was doing, but it helped him to keep his family off the streets. I just couldn’t look away from them. I wanted to help, and I bet I could have, but I didn’t. I left his only chance, and I wish I never did.” Nate looked down gazing at the water, in silence. Everyone was speechful, as if finally everybody nodded in agreement.
“Would you ladies like to take a stroll with us?” Penny asked trying to change the dismal aroma around them.
“We’d like that. “ Cassie nodded with pleasure. Adelaide placed out a hand in front of Nathan, as Penny took the other. Each of them had their slender arms around his waist, and he was beginning to like being crippled! No he was joking, he laughed in his head.
The three ladies made conversation on and on incessantly of scenery and what was going on in their lives, and what wasn’t. Nathan just listened to the talk and began to obtain the moment in. He leaned his head on Addie’s shoulder not noticing he was, and once he felt Cassie’s eyes on him, he brought his head back straight ahead. “Nathan what do you think? What do you think will happen when the war ends?” Cassie asked sharing their fantasies talk with him. “I’m hoping everything will be better. I’m hoping slavery will be brought to an end, so we all can share the taste of freedom.” Nathan commented and Penny gave a small smile, but everybody else was silent. “Also there should be no judgment and gossip among who’s on whose side, and everybody will be friends again. But I doubt that.” “Why?” Adelaide asked. “Because whichever side wins, the other side will feel a deep sense of loss, and want revenge. No matter what, there will always be hatred among eachother.”
They picked up their skirts and sat down on a bench in front of Adelaide’s house. Adelaide was glancing at him, and this time he couldn’t look away. They both smiled at eachother and Nate figured he had taken a liking to her. And he wanted to know if she felt the same towards him.
“What are you two smiling about? I want to know what you thought was funny, so I can laugh too,” Cassie said with youthful curiosity. “Uuh…”Adelaide stuttered, and they both looked at eachother laughing. “What?” Cassie smiled.
“I don’t know! We were just smiling, is it okay to smile?” Nathan asked losing his voice due to dehydration. Cassie gave a suspicious look, and Nate wondered that she had found out he loved Adelaide, before Adelaide found it out!
“Well I guess we should be getting back home,” Penny sighed. “Would you two like to join us for dinner?” she asked in childish delight. “I guess,” they both replied.
Later
“Could you pass the stew?” Adelaide asked. As a whole room of hands passed it down. “And yes, it was an odd but remarkable way to meet, I shall say. Now what do you girls think of a name for the baby?”
“I’ve always adored the name Cassandra what do you think?” Cassie asked. “Hmm... It is pretty. I do know Will wants to name her Marissa, but I never liked that name, that’s why I go by Penny.”
“Why didn’t you like that name?” Ma butted in.
“Well the truth is because my father named me after the woman he loved while married to my mother.” There was complete silence.
“So you know it’s a girl?” Adelaide chimed in.
“Well my doctor from up north says he thinks we are bearing twins. But I have been keeping it a secret from William, once he notices that is. One boy and one girl. I told Will what I wanted him to be named, and he quite agreed, so all I need is the girl’s.
“What is the boy’s?” Nathan asked.
“Oh it’s a surprise. I cannot tell yet.” She smiled.
So they gossiped on and on about what the name shall be until it was getting late, and they went home. Nathan limped over and sank down on his bed. He blew out the candle and everything went dark. He could almost hear the sound of Fireworks already, and anticipated the 4th Of July; or maybe it was cannons shooting off in the distance. He closed his eyes and couldn’t get Adelaide’s smiling face out of his mind, and he didn’t know why, but he liked the feeling he was feeling.


11
Pish-Posh

Cassie

My grandmother came from North Carolina on the last day of June. She came up the driveway in her carriage while I was walking in the garden with Alexis. I looked up to see her slave boy, Grady, driving her fancy carriage. I didn’t recognize Grady at first. He had been probably nine the last time I saw him. He was twelve now!
“Hello missy Cassie,” Grady called. I smiled up at him, putting a hand on top of my hat, so it wouldn’t blow away. I scooped up Alexis, and ran to the house. Grady was just pulling the carriage to a stop.
Grady helped Grandma out of the carriage and onto the ground.
“Hello Carolyn! How are you doing?” Grandma called. “Grandma, Carolyn was my mother who has been dead for years.” “What’d you say Carrie?” Grandma shouted. I looked at Grady for help. He was just a grinning and shrugging. “Grandma, come into the house,” I said loudly. “What?” “COME INTO THE HOUSE!” I screamed. Alexis looked at me like I was crazy. I just rolled my eyes and led my grandmother into the house.
Later
I learned that the reason Grandma had come to visit was because her small town in North Carolina was supposedly a target for the war. So she had come to Richmond to stay with me. Annabelle and Alexis were scared of her, because she talked so loud.
Once she finally figured out that I was not Carolyn, my dead mother, the first thing she said was, “Do you have any beaux?” I almost chocked on my tea (it was just boiled blackberry leaves). “Ur; no. I have suitors.”
“You can’t have spoilers, you have suitors dear.” I rolled my eyes. “Grandma, that’s what I said.” “What?”
“NEVER MIND!” I shouted.
“Where is your father? I need to speak to him.”
“Grandma, Papa is fighting in the war.” “He is? And he left you, a forty year old all by yourself?”
“Grandma, I’m FOURTEEN! Not forty. And he didn’t leave me by myself. All the slaves are here.”
“Cassie, aren’t you a little old to believe in Saint Nick? And even if he was real, he wouldn’t be able to take care of you- he only comes at Christmastime!”
I sighed. This was pointless, trying to explain all this to Grandma. She would never understand anything about Papa, because she never liked him to begin with. Plus she couldn’t hear me.
“Well, Cassie, I hate to tell you, but your father is a nutcase; trying to make you believe in Saint Nicholas this late in life. Pish-posh! For goodness sakes, you’re forty years old!”
“No Grandma, I’m FOURTEEN! And I said the SLAVES will take care of me, not Saint Nick.”
“That makes a lot more sense Darling! But your father is still a nutcase.”
I bit my lip. Grandma was really hurting my feelings, carrying on and on about how Papa was a nutcase. And I think Harriet could tell that I was getting annoyed with Grandma, so she said, “Mrs. Brown, I think Miss Cassie needs her rest. She’s had a long day.” “Well, alright, if you must think that you’re about to be arrested, then you must go hide yourself, but not in this house! I don’t want anything to do with it!”
“But Mrs. Brown, I didn’t mean….” I just shook my head at her. It was easier not to mess with it.
I hurried out of the room. Annabelle and Alexis were playing in the library. “Cassie, is scary Grandma gone?” I chuckled. “No, Anna. It seems we might be dealing with Grandma for a long time.”
Later
Over the next couple of days, I found myself escaping to the creek, just to get away from my crazy grandmother. She still thought that I was going to be arrested, and she insisted that I stay away from her.
On one occasion when I went to the creek, I took Annabelle and Alexis. The cook had asked me to get some poke-greens for poke-salad that night for supper, so I wandered over to some poke-green bushes. “Cassie, come play with us!” Annabelle called. “Annabelle, I will in a minute. I have to gather these poke-greens for supper tonight.” I heard Annabelle sigh and huff, but she started to wade in the creek, holding onto Alexis’s hand.
I was tugging and pulling on the poke-greens, sweat dripping down my face, my bonnet strap choking me, when I finally finished. I put the greens into the basket, and I called, “Ok, I’m ready to play!” I turned around, but Annabelle and Alexis weren’t there. “Anna, Lexis! Where are you?” I let the basket full of greens slide to the ground, as I walked around the trees, looking for my sisters. I walked downstream, and I heard giggles and splashes. “I’m coming to get you!”
I hurried towards the sounds, but suddenly, they stopped. “Annabelle?!” I started running. When I reached the place where I thought that they had been, I saw Alexis’s bonnet floating in the water. “Alexis! Alexis! Annabelle!” Annabelle came running out of nowhere. “Cassie! Cassie! Lexis fell in the water! Come quick!” I gasped. I started running after Annabelle.
And there was Aaron, our slave picking Alexis out of the water. “Oh, Aaron, I don’t know how to thank you!” I said rushing forward to grab Alexis out of his arms. “Don’t bother missy Cassie.”
“But I thought you were mad at me for telling Uncle Carl about you being able to read?”
“I was. But there’s no reason for that, since your uncle wasn’t mad.”
I hugged Alexis close to me. “Thank you Aaron. Thank you.”

Adelaide
The day before July Fourth Adelaide received their first letter from Adam. It was a short one and she couldn’t help noticing he didn’t mention anything about her, but it still made her feel good inside to read it.

Dear Aunt Ruth and my girls,
I miss you all. Before you ask, let me mention that I’m fine here. But I’m afraid I only have bad news.
First of all, a man in my troop that was just transferred from another camp in South Carolina had news about Mack. Mr. Matthew McKinley was killed- by his own friends. Although he had managed to join up with another regiment in Tennessee, someone there recognized him, who had once thought he was dead. He couldn’t lie to them, or convince them with any excuses, so they hung him by the noose, for as you all know it’s considered a crime to leave your duty for your country. I’m so very sorry Ruth; it did bring tears to my eyes. But he paid for his mistakes, and I beg that you only forgive him. What’s done is done.
Second of all, for the past month I’ve been trying to track down pa. I haven’t found a bit of a trace of him, but the men here say not to worry. It’s easy for many to wind up missing in this place sure as hell. Tell my sisters not to fret. We’ll all be home soon, for it looks like an easy battle to lick them blue-backed federals, and mayhap then we can start out new.
Well must help move camp. When the going gets tough, the tough get going!

Love you all,
Adam L. Whitson
Adelaide returned the worn paper to its proper place in her top drawer, her mind dizzy with so many questions. She wanted to ask why her pa and brother even joined this dang war. And why the Confederates? They were New York born and raised, weren’t they? Although pa had told her it was because he was against the North’s idea of government, Adelaide couldn’t help but wonder if his reasons went deeper than that. Mother was a true southern bell, lived right here in Richmond all her life. Maybe her father was fighting a part of the South’s battle for her. He had never been quiet contented since she had died.
And what of Adam? He would say because of his new friends here, just to fit in and all. But to follow in father’s footsteps? That was hard to believe, since he never had seemed to love pa. Unless… Adelaide thought …he felt as if he needed to make it up to pa, before he never got the chance…in case pa never came back.
She laid her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes, still unable to clear her thoughts from other things.
Talk had been going around town; it always was. But it was in the headlines too; threats from General McClellan to capture Richmond and turn the Capital of the Confederacy into Union hands. But besides this, what bothered Adelaide more was the fact that the people here didn’t worry. The ignorant Virginians took great pride in Their Great E. Lee, and they bragged he could keep any dang devils from their city. And although it made Adelaide angry, so far they had been right.
As she blew out her oil lamp and turned over on her comfortable side, her last thoughts were blissful ones. She thought of Nathan’s invitation to the parade tomorrow afternoon and the fireworks afterwards, and her heart fluttered inside her chest. He had invited her! Maybe she shouldn’t have been surprised about it, but it still made her feel special. Unfortunately though, Adelaide had failed to inform her aunt of this. Because secretly, she knew if Ruth knew about it she would keep her from going- especially to celebrate in the streets out past dark. But she was not passing up some fun this time! Especially with her best friends; hopefully Cassie would come out too. Adelaide hadn’t seen her dear girl friend in quite a while, supposedly she had heard that her grandmother was visiting, and she wasn’t “quite right in the head”. Adelaide couldn’t help thinking, it couldn’t be any worse than her aunt’s head! She softly smiled in the dark, where no one could see it.

Nathan
It was finally the 4th of July, the day he had been waiting anxiously for. He craved for a celebration he could go, and be himself, and have fun. The whole morning ma and Penny were sprinting across the kitchen getting this and that out of the oven. Everybody, even Nate was acting unusually giddy.
”Oh dear, Penny, the casserole! Could you get that out of the oven?” Penny rushed across to get it. Ma wiped her hands on her apron. “Nathan I think I hear Gabby, could you go check on her?” ma called out from the kitchen. Nathan limped over to Gabby’s room, and picked her up from her crib, and placed her on his shoulders. “There’s going to be soldiers, Gabby, a parade, some fireworks, and desserts.” Nathan went on, making his own stomach grumble, listing the delectable dishes. “Da-da? Da-da?” Nathan was shocked at the name. He had been trying to get her to say that word for months, and now here it was. “Da-da?” she repeated it over and over as if she was looking for him. “No Gabby, Da-da, Da-da’ went bye-bye, dada all gone.” He hesitated answering solemnly. Gabby began to cry. How did she even know? She was not even three yet! Nathan tied his boots on. No, pa won’t be at the parade, neither will Will. They were all going to be dressed up in dull gray instead of blue. But Nate wouldn’t let that bring him down, on a day like this. Ma dressed Gabby, and then Penny and ma went to go change. Penny came down wearing a silky navy blue dress with a matching hat and ribbon to go with it. Nathan wondered if she ever sweated under all of those thick layers. He bulled on a clean white t-shirt, with some Levi’s.
“Nathan I don’t think she should be on your shoulders with that bad leg, I wouldn’t want you to fall over.” Ma said concerned.
“I’ll be fine, Ma.” Ma put an arm around him to help him balance well.
Later
They all opened the door and headed out to town, where the parade and party was held. Rows and Rows of wooden tables were set up, and all of the older women were sorting out the food. Two boy’s a little older than Nathan were setting up the fireworks. They looked as if they were clueless. The sky was starting to turn dark. Cassie and her sisters and grandmother showed up. Cassie ran over to him gasping for breath. “My goodness! You may want to stay away from my grandmother, or she might think you’re getting arrested too!”
Nathan looked confused.
“Grandma this is Nathan, Nathan this is my grandmother.”
“Nice to meet ya, ma’am. “ Nathan shook a fragile wrinkly hand. “No certainly I do not have mice in my feet!” she yelled. Everybody started to stop talking and stared. Nathan gave Cassie a confused look. She just shrugged and pulled him away grasping his elbow. “You see what I mean?”
“Adelaide! You’re here!” Cassie ran off to hug and greet her, as Nathan was left behind, trying to keep his balance, walking over to her. Nathan crossed his arms trying to cover up his bruises, and hold his still aching-sore stomach.
“Hello, Nate; how is your leg?” Adelaide asked.
“Fine. Happy 4th of July!” He exclaimed, holding up Gabby’s hands. They quickly caught him from losing his steadiness. The three of them sat down at their own table, as Elijah Bobby soon began to sit down with them. “May I join ya’ll?” He asked. They all nodded in agreement, and started to chat incessantly of the celebration.
Then, they all began to stand up, in presence of the soldiers about to march. Everyone began to cheer as they strolled down the streets. Young girls began to rate the soldiers looks. “Oh, definitely the Richmond soldiers are the most handsome!” they giggled. Nathan shook his head in pity. Some of them will come home uglier than they ever were before, then how will they feel? That they’re just china dolls to look at, and comment and be rated on?
“Do you see my pa?” Cassie began to stand on her tiptoes, peering over someone’s shoulder. “Do you see mine? What about Adam?” Nathan began to feel left out. Suddenly an older woman ran out to the streets. “That’s my boy!” She screeched. They began to drag her out, “Ma’am, he can’t hear, you,” a man told her.
“Yes he can! It’s my son, don’t ya hear me?” She began to struggle and fight off as he pulled her away.
A lady looked over at Penny in disgust. “Haven’t ya ever heard of manners? Take off yer hat, young miss!” She snapped at her, as Penny slowly took her hat off. “Why Penny, you have the most beautiful hair!” Cassie claimed stroking her golden curls. “SHH!” old women shushed them. People began to whisper, and more and more eyes began to glare on Nathan. He could clearly hear them whisper, “Why is there a crippled Yankee boy, over here? Shouldn’t it be illegal to have crippled Yankee’s in the presence, of Confederate soldiers?” They pondered. “Didn’t his mother’s husband die? Serves him right, serving for the wrong army. And would ya look at that, there’s even a Negro slave here! Why I’ll be darned!” They chuckled giving Elijah and him dirty glances.
Nate looked over at his ma crying, as Penny stroked her back. “Nathan, are you going to let them say such things about you?” Cassie asked. “What do you want me to do, punch all of ‘em out?” he replied. “Yep.” She chuckled.
“Who invited ya’ll?” The older woman next to him, asked, pointing at Elijah and Nate. “We invited ourselves, what’s it matter to you?” He replied coldly. Ignoring her face, and looking up to Gabby and making her clap. “We invited him; you got a problem with it?” Adelaide stood up and faced the older woman, getting annoyed of their mean remarks toward her friends.
“I didn’t ask you young miss; I have never seen such horrible manners to your elders. Ruth, isn’t this your niece? It’s about time you teach her something about being polite.” The lady called. Ruth shot Addie a glance, as if she was saying you just wait till we get home.
The four of them sat back down on their table, as the fireworks began to start. Alexis and Alice began to hold their ears. They lay down on the cool tender grass, and the four of them began to watch in joy. Then they all grabbed a firecracker and began to run around. Music began to play, and they all began to dance. Nathan set Gabby down, and his feet began to quickly move to the harmonica, piano, and banjo. Cassie and Elijah Bobby laughed together as they danced side by side. Adelaide took Gabby, and began to playfully dance with her. “May I?” Nate took her hand joking, as the four of them danced quickly swaying to the sweetly sounds of the music.
“Where did you learn that?” Addie laughed looking down at his feet tapping fastly to the beat of the music. “I don’t know,” he shrugged, and Addie, laughed picking up her dress and tried to do it also. Annabelle and Alexis were running around in circles, as Alice and Gabby danced with each other, copying everyone around them. Young couples started to get up and dance; they had started a whole show! When they began to get dizzy Nathan and Adelaide flopped to the grass in laughter.
“Addie, would you like to court me? I love you Addie.” The words kind of slipped out, and at her stare, he wondered if it was a silly remark. “I’m sorry the words slipped out unexpectedly, maybe we’re too young, I’m sorry, if I asked it too early.” Nathan’s cheeks began to flush a pink. “No-I-. “ Adelaide struggled to find the words. “Tell me if you ever change your mind.” Nathan limped to get up and get some dessert. “Nate, what do ya mean change my mind, I never said no,” Adelaide was interrupted by Elijah Bobby and Cassie.
“The Desserts are ready!” “Come on, let’s eat!” Cassie pulled Addie’s hand, and Adelaide, immediately wiped off her confused face. They all rushed to get some food, and began to chat as if they were back to being friends, and always would be.

12
Emptiness

Cassie
I was baking cookies in the kitchen, all by myself, when Grandma came in. “Cassie, dear, I have decided that it’s too dangerous for me to live here. You could be arrested any day, for whatever you have done. I’m leaving tonight.” Inside I was doing a happy joy dance, but I said, “Oh, Grandma, I’m sorry that you’re leaving us.” “I’m not beating you silly,” Grandma chuckled. “You should really be behaving like a responsible adult. Not a silly child.” “Yes Grandma,” I said, stifling a giggle.
That night Grandma did leave in the dark of night, with Grady driving her carriage.
Later
I was sitting on the banks of the creek, sticking my feet in the water, trying to cool off in the July heat, and thinking. I was thinking about how Nathan had asked Adelaide to court him. He might not realize it, but I had overheard their conversation at the Independence Day party. I was supposed to be the one with Nate, not Addie! I didn’t want to be, but I was angry at Addie. And it was all Nathan’s fault. I just didn’t want to be angry with the one that I love.
“Cassie, Cassie!” I looked around. Who was that calling my name? It sounded like my mother! I looked across the creek, and there was my mother, in her evening gown. “Mama?” “Yes, Cassie, it’s me. Your mother.” I opened my eyes wider. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening, I thought, over and over. Mama’s dead, Mama’s dead! But there was Mama, right beside me.
“Cassie, you seem sad, what is it darling?” I got over the fact that Mama was supposed to be dead, and talked to her. “Oh, Mama, I’m in love with Nathan Parker! And he asked Adelaide to court him. He said that he loves her.” Mama nodded, smiling. “Mama,” I said angrily. “It’s not funny.” “Oh, I know it isn’t funny dear. But I think you are in love, with falling in love.” My eyebrows furrowed. “Mama, that doesn’t make any sense.” “It makes perfect sense Cassie-lou. You have always wanted to be in love, like any girl your age would. And Nathan happened to be the boy you have your eyes on.
“You have always been very good friends with Nathan. And now, all of a sudden, you think you are in love with him?” “But Mama, it’s not all of a sudden. It’s since Addie came.” “Well, does Adelaide like him too?” “Oh yes Mama. Probably more than me. She talks about him all the time.” “Cassie, you have always been a sensible girl. Why can’t you see it now? I think you are just jealous of Adelaide, because she is a big part of Nathan’s life now. And even if you didn’t court him, you wanted to be the only girl in his life. Am I right?”
I looked down at my wet feet. “I guess you are right Mama. I guess I was a little jealous of Adelaide. I guess I’m not really in love with Nate.” I hung my head with shame and embarrassment. Mama lifted my chin with her fingers, smiling that beautiful smile at me. “It’s alright Cassie-lou; there is nothing to be ashamed of. We all make mistakes.”
“Cassie! Cassie! Cassie, come play with us!” I squirmed around on the ground for a minute, and then I was fully awake. It was all just a dream. Mama had not come back to life. I had fallen asleep and dreamed that. And now, Annabelle and Alexis were down by the creek with Lena, waiting for me to come play with them.
Suddenly, they both jumped on me. We rolled around in the grass for a few minutes, with Lena waiting patiently. “Let’s go home,” I said happily, feeling a new peace that I hadn’t felt since July 4th.

Adelaide

“What did I tell you?”
“I’m not sure Aunt Ruth; you tell me a lot of things I don’t want to hear.”
“Well I do declare! I cannot believe children were ever born as rude as you are!”
“You must forget I am not a child, and I wasn’t born this way,”
“Well I’ll be! Not a child! You sure showed me!”
“Ruth, you don’t understand and you must; you must someday! The world doesn’t revolve around you or any expensive fancy matters that people throw themselves to like a dog on a bone! Manners don’t solve problems and children do grow up; though not all the same way they still should be treated so!”
Adelaide jumped at Ruth’s sudden fist slamming against the tabletop. She was tired; they both were, but her aunt was stubborn and her anger was eating her alive, Adelaide thought. She could hear the fireworks booming outside, and all the rambunctious going-ons out in the streets that she was missing. She had enjoyed the Fourth of July celebration, but it wasn’t over. She was forced to leave early right after the dinner. Though she suspected she wasn’t missing much, it was just as good a show down in the house, with Ruth blowing the fireworks.
“You do not speak to me that way, young lady! I’m filled with disgust when I call you that because you certainly don’t deserve that title, but if this is how it’s gonna be, so be it. From now on I’m gonna treat you like a lady and tell you out straight woman to woman. So listen up if you wanna grow up!
Women do not attend wild parties outside on the streets at night!”
“So your idea of parties- balls with gowns and dancing men- that is any better?”
Ruth ignored her niece’s comment. “I was lenient enough to let you have your fun, but it was your own fault it was spoiled. Where do you get such ideas in your head that you can say whatever you want, when you want? Girls do not speak until spoken to!”
“Was I not spoken to? That hag was asking who Elijah-
“That hag is Miss Gina Bogart- the wealthiest woman on this street and a very good friend of mine! She just so happens to be our senator’s daughter!”
“And what does that have to do with me? Did I ruin your reputation by answering her with honesty?”
“No- you ruined my day for causing that woman pain from your outcry of stupidity! We did not invite that boy! I don’t even know him…what other sorts of kids do you run around with?”
“I do not ‘run around’ with anyone. And yes, Elijah Bobby was invited because a friend is always invited. He is my good friend; just as you have your Gina Bogart- and I was simply saving him from humiliation that wasn’t necessary!”
“He is just a nigger, Adelaide! What did you expect? Likes of him are not invited anywhere, especially in Richmond, Virginia with the rest of the sweet south! And I no longer permit you to hang out there with out any good reason to from me. I did not train you to run free as a street urchin!”
“No, you couldn’t even train me to be an honest, compassionate human being! Perfection is all you want, and never in your life will you get it!” Adelaide was screaming at the top of her lungs, sick and tired of being pushed around for everyone else. Finally that leash was ripping free.
“I would lick you good if you weren’t so hard headed! I think for you it shall be punishment enough when you apologize to dear Miss Bogart tomorrow, who has never done any harm to anyone!
“No? Calling a couple of innocent kids a Negro-slave and crippled-Yankee-boy isn’t enough harm to find her guilty of imperfection?”
“You girl do not know good when you see it! Respect could do you some good!”
“Good? All that woman showed me was her stuck-up ways of thinking and ridiculous rudeness! And by her name of Miss, I suspect she never married either…I wonder why! Was it because she’s not a loving person or nobody can stand her?”
Adelaide watched her aunt’s eyes widen in red horror. She was almost afraid Ruth would die of a heart attack on the spot. She would be a murderer then. And where would that leave her? Without her aunt her whole family would be on the streets. Adelaide swallowed back the thought, reminding herself her aunt had done a good thing taking them in, and like her brother says, what’s done is done. She might as well be thankful for it. So why can’t I? How come I have to be a problem to everyone? Oh well, there was no ending this now.
“You wanna get yourself put out on the streets? You wanna live like those friends of yours, then that’s fine with me! Don’t you know how much I’ve done for you all? I am not your mother and have never been one so I do not know how to deal with you. But I will say this; no more time with that black-skinned tramp or that other boy, whoever he is!”
“Nathan? Nathan Parker?”
“I’ve seen how you hang on to him so, and the way he looks at you- it’s no wonder since you attract so much attention to yourself acting like an ignorant thing! After the way you’ve been to me, I cannot trust you, and I don’t think I can forgive you either. Not ever. So keep on being a bitchy ungrateful creature and I will treat you like one! If you will show no respect to my friends then I will not to yours.” Ruth’s cold flat words finally stung. Adelaide struggled with the tears that began to pour down her face. She could barely speak against her aunt through them. “Nathan is fifteen, and is the youngest gentleman I’ve ever seen! He is not only my good friend- he’s like a brother to me! If you take him away from me-“
Adelaide’s words ran together until they droned off into sobs. She couldn’t finish what she wanted to say. What did she want to say? If he was gone, what; what then? Just then, although it could’ve been the worst moment of her life and the wrong time to be thinking about anything, she realized how much Nathan really meant to her. She wished she could go back to his question, have the strength to tell him what she had known all along.
Aunt Ruth stopped; a thick silence hovered between them until she dismissed Adelaide from her presence. Adelaide went to her room but did not cry herself to sleep. No; not this time. Instead she prayed to her Lord for a brighter tomorrow, and somehow, she knew it would come.


Nathan
The days flew by tediously without either of his friends; there was a gap of uninteresting moments inside him. Elijah Bobby was busy all day, doing his usual industrious chores; Adelaide was a mystery to him now, he just couldn’t figure it out. He had walked to her door the other day, and opened the door to see a gloomy tear stained face. She didn’t look like herself at all. All she had said to him was, “I can’t see you,” before she could explain there were footsteps in the hall and he could here Aunt Ruth’s muffled voice echo through the solid walls. “Who is that you’re talking to, Adelaide?” in a harsh tone. Nathan had looked at Addie speechless, he was about to shout out It’s just me Ma’am, until Addie shouted in an aggravated reply, “no one.” And the door slammed in front of his face. That was it. Mayhap he had made a mistake asking her on the 4th of July. Mayhap she just wanted to be friends, and no more than that. Nate supposed she didn’t have the same feeling for him as he did with her. It had left unanswered perplexing questions swarming into his mind, over and over that night. And he had no idea what Cassie was doing; she was secluded inside for the past week.
Penny had left yesterday, another friend come and gone. She had left him a note with gift of newly stitched britches, and a brand fresh new fancy pair of leather boots. He picked up the note and read it over again for the third time.

Dear Nathan- The days passed by too fast, but I am glad to be heading home to see Will. You understand, I know you will. I hope the new britches and boots will be useful for you, I know you needed them. That is not the only gift I have for you. I have two of my desired novels, sent on your way at this moment. They are both written by my absolute favorite author, Mrs. Stowe. Uncle Tom’s Cabin and Father Henson’s story. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I did. Please don’t send them back; I want you to keep them. It’s just enough as you giving me your bible, and a new spirit in my heart. Nothing could replace that. Please keep praying for Will, and that he will be able to make it safely through the ghastly battles, and soon be able to visit with me next Christmas. You have been a great friend, Nate, and a great brother in-law, as they would call it.
May God be with you,
Penny

Nathan was left alone for now. Excluding Gabriella and Ma, Pa was gone, Will and Penny, and soon enough Adelaide, Elijah Bobby, and Cassie. Closer and closer to the eager end of the war, more and more battles had come and gone, just as the men. Most of them were won by the Union. Nathan was even more proud of that, after reading Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and Father Henson’s story the sad story about the true difficulty of being a Negro slave.
Nathan was sitting beside the creek once again, gazing into the summer clouds, just lost in still puzzling thoughts. Why had Adelaide suddenly shut him out of her life? Was Aunt Ruth mistreating her? Then he remembered the look Aunt Ruth had given her at the 4th of July after she had given the remark of standing up for him and Elijah Bobby. How can some people be so intolerable?
Speaking of intolerable, a new kid had moved in to town for the summer to visit. Thomas Weaver, the nephew of Mrs. Walden, Elijah’s manager. The last time they had finally spoken Elijah had told him of the names Thomas had called him, and the way he had pushed him around with orders as he was the king, and Elijah his personal slave. Which no doubt, he was. Elijah told him how bad he wanted to beat him or punch him, but he knew he couldn’t. He had to fight back the yearning.
That afternoon Nate was talking with Elijah, when Thomas came out. He was blonde-haired, freckled with a gravel look, only fourteen. He called Elijah a Negro, slave, nigger, and some other words he had wished not to repeat. Nate was getting sick of it.
“Hey, nigger, ya get me some cake and tea?” he would laugh and joke around. “Ya poor animal, bout got no family, eh? I’m sure you wish to be like me, but once you find out the rebels gonna win, you never gonna be free as you please!” he would grunt and snicker. Nate couldn’t stand one more bit of it. “Will you damn stop it now? Looks like you’re in trouble anyways because the federals are about darn winning rite now. What are you going to say about that, aye? Just because he is black, gives you no right to push him around and cuss at him, like he’s some piece of dirt!” Nathan shouted.
Thomas’ cheeks were flushed red with anger. “Who are you anyways? On our property, shouting at me, with no rights? My aunt certainly ain’t inviting any crippled, federal, poor boy, to come talk to our slave! You best be on your way home, to your momma, before you get hurt!” He cackled. Nathan clenched his hand into a fist and punched the kid right into the face. Soon the kid started punching him back, and they all started getting into a fight. Soon enough, Elijah had joined in too, and finally had gotten to punch him, just as he had wanted. Until everyone was wiping their bloody noses and mouths. “STOP IT!” Mrs. Walden started breaking everybody up with a broom and shooing them away. “Who do ya’ll think you are, part of some mob riot? I’ll have nothing like it, now you get back to your mother before, you got into any trouble, and you deserve another whipping’ no slave of mine, will behave of that! The only thing to do is learn your lesson.” She took a whip out and started to beat his back, forcefully thrusting the whip at his back, repeating it twelve times, until she had no more strength, and turned around back into the house as if her task was completed. Blood ran down Elijah’s back, thru his shirt, but he showed no sign of pain he just bit his lip and held back the pain. Nathan tried to look away, but he couldn’t, the sight made him crumble. He wondered what was worse, getting rocks thrown at you, or being beaten with a whip twelve times. He limped inside his house, wiping the blood from his nose and mouth. Ma dabbed the bruises and blood off his face with a damp cloth. “Nathan, you have got to be careful. You’ve been getting into too much trouble, the past months.” She tried to hold back the grief, but couldn’t. “I can’t let you get hurt like this. I don’t want you to run away from me like your brother and pa. Soon enough you’ll be the only boy I got.”
“Ma, you shouldn’t say things, how do you know Will is gonna die?” Nate asked surprised at her words.
“All I know is dead or not, he probably won’t come back as the same man that left.” “You don’t know that Ma!” he shouted at her. She started crying and ran to her bedroom, to hide them behind her pillows. Nathan flung himself onto the bed, to get sleep, but he didn’t get any. She was right, what had he gotten himself into? He prayed, but the endless unanswered thoughts still swirled around in his mind.
13
Real friends

Cassie
I had to get out of the house. Annabelle and Alexis were driving me crazy! I had to go see Adelaide, talk to her, and tell her the whole story of me being jealous.
I grabbed my shawl, since it was cool for a July day, and hurried over to Adelaide’s aunt’s house.
When her aunt Ruth answered the door, I said “Hi. Is Adelaide here?” Ruth smiled sweetly. “Of course, my dear. Come in. Come talk to her.” “Thanks.”
I went up to Addie’s room, to find her staring dreamily out the window. “Addie, I need to talk to you….” “Cassie!” she shrieked. She ran over to me and threw her arms around me. “Uh, I’m happy to see you too,” I said backing away from my friend.
“Cassie, it’s a living hell in here! Aunt Ruth won’t let me see anybody! And she’s turning my sweet little Alice against me!” Addie burst into tears, as I rubbed her back. “Ok, Addie, it’s ok,” I said soothingly.
Addie looked at me with a tearstained face. “Cassie, you’ve got to get me out of here. I have to go see Nathan. I love him!” I took a deep breath. “Adelaide, I know. But I can’t help you get out of here.” “But Ruth won’t even let me out of the house. She’s afraid that I’ll run off with the ‘street urchins’.”
I backed away from her once again. “Addie, I wish I could, but I can’t do that. Your aunt would find out somehow, and she would be furious with me!”
“Isn’t that a risk you’re willing to take?”
“Uh, no.” Adelaide burst into tears again. Whoa, emotional, I thought.
“Then you aren’t a very good friend.”
I gasped. I had come to Adelaide to tell her that I forgave her, and to explain to her why I had been mad, and this was how I was being treated? “I’m sorry,” I said coldly. “But I have to go if this is the way you’re going to treat me.”
“Oh Cassie, I’m sorry, but,” “I don’t want to hear it,” I said.
And with that, I ran from the room, and rushed away from that house.
Later
I spent the night in my room, wondering if I should go back and apologize to Addie and explain that I couldn’t help her get to Nathan. “Miss Cassie? Can I come in?”
“Yes Harriet, come in.”
Harriet came in with some ginger tea. “Miss Cassie, what’s been on your mind lately honey? You seem so distracted.”
“Oh, Harriet!” I fell into my nursemaid’s arms and sobbed. I spilled out the whole story, how I was still in love with Nathan. My dream about Mother had been wrong; I wasn’t in love with falling in love, I was in love!
I felt as if I was talking to a sister or even my own mother when I was talking to Harriet. I had always just thought of her as my nursemaid, but she was like a mother now.
I lay in Harriet’s arms and she stroked my hair with her rough, calloused hands.

Adelaide
Adelaide was reading her Bible just to pass the time as it ticked. So many of the messages and verses jumbled in her mind with no particular meaning, but she found a certain comfort in it. Maybe that was only because she could practically feel her mother’s presence from within the pages.
She heard a knock on the door and jumped, only to see little Alice standing before her.
“Hello Lady. Guess what? I got good news- me and Alexis are best friends!”
“That’s great.” She tried to smile enthusiastically. Alice didn’t seem to catch her sister’s sarcastic tone.
“And guess what else? She says you and her sister are not anymore. She says you told her sister off cus you didn’t think she was good enough of a friend. Is that right, Lady?”
Adelaide swallowed hard. “No, I…I was not having a good day, was all. We all have bad days.”
“Not me! Well just because yall aren’t friends any longer means me and her can still be friends, right? Cus Alexis is my-
“Best friend, you told me. And so are I and Cassie. You need to tell your little friend not to spread lies.”
“She aint! Cus Ruth said so too, and said that it was all cus of some Yankee street boy. Ruthie don’t like how you act sometimes, Lady. She says you are changing somethin’ awful. Why must you change, Lady?”
Adelaide had to bite her tongue til it was painful to remind herself she mustn’t cry. It wasn’t her sister’s fault she didn’t know anything. Aunt Ruth was just as tasteful as a poison potion and just as contagious as a yawn. And her words caught the weakest ones first. She must be strong and hold out just a little longer, just until the war was all over and they could go back to how things used to be.
“I s’pose everyone must grow up,”
“Grow up? Well I’m not; Ruth says I’m too cute to. And she also says that you won’t ever be growin up with an attitude like-
“STOP IT! I don’t care what Aunt Ruth says, ya hear? It’s her fault I have to talk back and fight against all her wrongs alone!”
“But mama said-
“SHE’S NOT YOUR MAMA! You must understand that Alice! You must! I am your older sister, and you must listen to me. Don’t you remember what pop said before he left? He said you must mind what we- Adam and I say. Don’t you remember pa?”
Alice backed up against the wall, shivering with fear. She seemed to shrink back into the woodwork against Adelaide’s unexpected wrath. Adelaide soon filled with guilt when her little sister’s eyes brimmed with tears that began to overflow.
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, Alsy… I’m not angry at you; I love you and you know that. Don’t you? I just don’t want you to forget pa and Adam, is all. Alsy please don’t…” But Alice swerved out of Adelaide’s open arms and ran down the stairs fast, crying all the way. Adelaide could only collapse in tears to her floor again. A sudden feeling of wanting to rid herself of this life overwhelmed her. She knew it was too late. Alice did not remember.
Adelaide hugged her knees tight and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to picture her family together in front of their cabin with smiles. With awful alarm she realized she had let them slip loose. She, too, had forgotten.
Later
That night Adelaide awoke with a start. She read the clock; only ten. She rolled over on her downy pillow when the noise startled her again. She sat up, pulling the covers tighter around her for comfort. She listened harder until another rap, louder this time, came from the window. She slowly slid off the bed and walked across the dark room on shaky legs. She threw back the drapes, unlatched the French doors and stepped out on the balcony. She just stood there for a moment, breathing quietly yet cautiously while letting her hair be blown about by the soft night air. Then there was a rustle. Adelaide thrust her neck around, straining her eyes to see.
“Psst…Addie!” Adelaide swung around, trying to convince herself that the grand oak tree had not just talked. She squinted. “Who’s there?” She whispered hoarsely.
“It’s me; Nathan.”
Adelaide tried to take a step closer but tripped over a rock. There were a few stones scattered around the balcony wood and she bent down to pick them up. “You threw rocks at my doors? You know you scared me half to death…and you woke me up.”
“That’s what I meant to do- wake you up, I mean.” Adelaide jumped to see Nathan climbing over the railing and soon standing right beside her. “How did you do that?”
“Don’t worry about it; it’s something you gotta learn with experience.” Adelaide strained to see his smile she had missed, but the moonlight wasn’t there. She reached out and brushed a leaf out of his hair.
“I gotta talk to you, Addie.”
“Well, I figured that. And it better be something good to cause this much trouble for.”
“I’m serious, Addie. I have to ask you- what’s going on?”
“Going on? What do you mean, ‘going on’?”
He sighed. “Do I really have to tell you? Me and Cassie can both see something’s wrong. I don’t know if it’s with you, or because of me, or-
“Because of you? Why would anything your fault cause me wrong? Nathan, I know you probably doubt everything I say now cus I haven’t exactly been telling yall the total truth, but I never got to tell you what I wanted to July Fourth.”
Nathan shuffled his feet and didn’t look up from them. The cold breeze chilled Adelaide’s skin and she had to wrap her arms around herself for warmth. “What I mean is, I don’t just like you, Nathan. I kept telling myself you’re like my brother, my best friend…but really, you’re both- and more. Sometimes it seems so silly because I’m confused, but- I love you Nathan. I really do-
“No. Don’t say that.”
Adelaide stepped back, shocked at his response. “What are you trying to say, Nathan? I’m only telling you the truth- what do you want me to say?”
“I’m glad Addie, but I don’t wanna talk about that just yet. Things have happened lately and changed so much, and before you say anything I have to know.”
“Know what?”
“Why you seem so cold, so lifeless lately.”
Adelaide threw her hands up in the air. “Now you? Why must everyone compare me to a rock? Nathan, I thought you understood-“ tears fogged her eyes and began to shake her voice. “I’m sorry, Nathan, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and I guess I just miss my life, is all.”
“How can you miss it if you’ve never lost it?”
Adelaide swallowed and started to explain her helpless tears, but couldn’t make herself say anything. What excuse was there anymore? The war? Aunt Ruth? Suddenly standing so long in the middle of the night, tangled with sobs, she felt sick. Adelaide fell over and felt a pair of strong arms grab her up. She leaned against him and he didn’t seem to mind it.
“What’s wrong, Addie? Why can’t you just tell me what’s happened to you?” Adelaide yanked at her hair, trying to contain herself. “There’s nothing! It’s just Aunt Ruth as always- trying to control my life! I thought something would tear me up like pa missing, Adam leaving, moving here or mum’s death- but it’s none of that! I know sad things happen, tragedies just help me come back to reality! But it’s just being here and growing up without the simplest things that I miss so much, and all the emptiness seems to hold me down! This war just makes things more complicated, but without it, I’m not even sure anymore who I would be- oh Nathan! If only someone like you could understand! No matter what though, the only thing I am sure of is you- and that’s why I love you. Because I need you- you’re the only thing that doesn’t change that I can stand by. I would never hurt you-
“So slamming the door in my face and telling Ruth that I’m a no one doesn’t hurt?”
Adelaide stopped and closed her eyes. She had forgotten about that. “Is that what this is all about? You thought I was mad at you because of that? Listen, Ruth won’t let me see you- I had to lie to her. I was only protecting you,”
“I don’t need to be protected, Addie! That’s all everyone wants to do- protect me! I wanna fight for my own right! Don’t you see? That’s what we all gotta do! You can’t let your aunt rule your world like that- take a stand and do what you think is right!” Nathan’s eyes lit with fire that could beat the sun for brightness. Adelaide just sighed, not knowing what to think. “But Nathan, isn’t that exactly what everyone is doing? Isn’t that how this war started- people took different stands until they hurt each other. It’s rebellion!”
Nathan shook his head. “No; they don’t know how to fight right. Spilling each other’s blood is not the way. All you gotta do is talk; talk with love. Love your enemies and just wait for that one day they’ll love you too, right?”
Adelaide looked at Nathan and had to smile. She nodded with a whisper. “You’re right. I’m so glad I have you, Nathan. You make everything seem so simple and clear- I think you were born to be a preacher, not a soldier.”
“And Addie, there was another thing I wanted to know, but I guess I shouldn’t have had to come over to ask. I should’ve known. You already told me but I’m still not so sure- you do love me, don’t you Addie?”
Adelaide stood up on her tiptoes to reach Nathan’s full height and leaned closer to him til they were touching. Nathan trembled and looked at her still confused, until she kissed him. This time Adelaide didn’t have to see his smile in the dark; she could feel it.


Nathan
Nathan woke up with high spirits, for some odd reason. Maybe it was that he had gotten to see Addie again, back to her old self, last night. Or maybe it was that Mr. Michael had offered him a job helping him at his store. Or maybe it was just because after thinking of all your blessings, it left you in high spirits.
Nate whistled into the kitchen, Ma and Gabriella sitting in the wooden chairs Pa had built, eating oatmeal. “I suppose you’re excited with your new job, today huh?” Ma smiled at him with a tired look spread across her face.
“Maybe.” “Your not happy about the job, Mr. Michaels gave you?” Ma almost looked angry. “No-well I mean yes, I am happy about that, but that’s not the only thing I’m happy about.” Nathan served himself a cup of cold milk, and bit into a cream-filled pastry, leftover from Gabby’s birthday. “Oh?” Ma’s eyes peered over full of curiosity. Nate looked at her as if he was telling her please don’t go there. “Does it have to do with the fact that you were gone last night?” “How did you know?” Nate looked shocked. Was his mom this meddlesome? “Okay. I heard the door close last night; I guess it’s just a natural instinct that when I hear the door, I have to go check, and on the way I noticed your bed was empty. So I am nosy? Aren’t all mothers.” She chuckled to herself. “Is it wrong for me to be concerned that you were missing from your bed?”
“You knew where I went?” Nate asked gobbling the rest of the pastry down in one bite. “Yes. Well did you think I could go back to sleep knowing you could be out in the streets that late at night?”
“You went looking for me?” Nathan’s cheeks turned red. He didn’t mean to cause this much trouble upon his ma.
“I was about to, until I saw you talking with Adelaide, in her tree. First place I checked. It reminds me of your pa.” She started laughing to herself. Nathan smiled. He liked it when his ma laughed. “He climbed up my tree once at night, and when he was about to kiss me he tripped and fell on top of me! He was so embarrassed he jumped down the tree and ran off!” She kept on laughing. “I guess father and son are a lot alike.” She snickered.
“I wonder if Will has climbed up Penny’s tree.” Nathan laughed with Ma. “She kissed you didn’t she?” Ma asked. “You-“
“Okay so I did a little too much spying. I couldn’t get to sleep, just call me the nosiest woman in town.”
“I have got to go.” Nathan’s chair squeaked as he headed for the door. “You’re a little early; you just wanted to brush the subject away. Oh soon all of you will be leaving me for other girls. “She chuckled.
Nathan opened the door. “Goodbye Ma and Gabby.” He waved at them both. Gabby waved back. “Have a good first day at work. Love you!”
Nathan shut the door and whistled on the way there. He looked at Addie’s window and saw a curtain move, but that was it. He waved to Cassie, but she didn’t see him.

Later
“Ah Nathan there you are,” Mr. Michaels hollered to him across the store. “Just in time, I need you to start putting these packaged foods on the shelf where they belong. And then I need to do a few things, so I’d be glad if you would take my spot behind the counter for me in a while. And then you can start cleaning it up a bit, ok?” Mr. Michael’s instructed. Nathan nodded his head in agreement, grabbed the box, and started sorting them out on the shelves.
The bell rang as a stout woman walked in. “Excuse me young man, could you hand me the sugar?” she asked reaching over toward him. “You’re lucky, because that’s the last we got. We’re runnin real short on the supply of sugar. Early bird gets the worm, right?” He smiled and handed it over to her. She grunted, made a scowl and walked to Mr. Michael. “Who’s that crippled boy over there ya got working here? Can’t tend to your own store yourself aye?” She asked.
“That’s my new helper, Nathan Parker.”
“A Parker boy? Ain’t they Federals! There are tons of young decent poor people at the refugee asylum and on the streets, that ain’t got a roof over there head, or decent food to eat, unlike him, and there confederates, wanting a nice job like here to earn money, and help their families, and you give the job to him? That is disgraceful! I thought you a respectable man, well I thought wrong! You show no respect to those other kids, and I gonna have to find myself another General Store to shop at, because you sure ain’t getting my money!” She shouted furiously. Mr. Michaels, face turned red, and he couldn’t find anything to say. He just handed her groceries in a sack, and she marched off with her nose up high.
Nathan looked down at his leg. It was healing and it still felt painful whenever you touched it, although he could walk on it with just a little limp. That he’d have to get used to for a while. He looked over at Mr. Michaels, his face now faded pale white; he didn’t deserve such insults, and he was one of the nicest men in town! Nathan felt ghastly that he was the cause of the verbal abuse. His first customer, already never coming back.
“I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean for such trouble-“
“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. She was right. Every bit of it. I’ve turned down lots of young children asking for jobs, telling them I didn’t need it, though I accepted you.” Nate felt as the insults were now turning to him. “May I ask why?”
“I’m not sure why Nathan. It’s too hard to explain.” He bowed his head right when the bell rang again and two more customers headed in. “Hello, Miss Jane,” Mr. Michaels brought a smile to his face. “Hello,” she curtsied sweetly. “We have a list we’d like to bring, and ask you for, for the soldiers. “ Nathan grabbed the list and started filling her basket; he was glad they were doing this for the soldiers. As he brought it toward her, he took a letter out of his britches pocket and handed it to her. “Could you take this to my brother, William Parker? He’s, he’s for the Union, if that matters.” Nathan told her. “Sure, it won’t matter, I’ll find a way to get it to him,” She whispered and smiled at him, and stuck it in her purse.
After a day of complaints and compliments toward Nate, it was very busy; sweeping, cleaning, mopping, sorting foods, cleaning shelves, and working behind the desk as Mr. Michaels, for an hour and a half. Mr. Michaels still had a sullen pale face on the time he left. “Here; thanks for helping, Nate.” He handed him four coins, and Nathan walked back home.
Later
The next day, Nathan was hanging out with Elijah Bobby and Thomas. “So you like a confederate girl? Aren’t you for the Union?” Thomas asked. “Isn’t that like illegal?” he chuckled alone.
“You better watch out, she could be a spy, there’s been a lot of em around here, and ya can get ya self hanged standing up for her!” Thomas informed, rubbing his swollen eye. Elijah was chewing on a piece of grass. “Well I guess you better go to your job before you’re late,” Elijah said almost as in an irritated tone. “Well guys, I guess I’ll see ya later,” He nodded his head and began to walk off.
“Ya got yourself a job?” Thomas asked. “Yeah, are you surprised? You didn’t think a poor crippled Yankee kid, could, could ya? At least I don’t sit around and boss everyone else to get my food!” Nathan hollered back.
“What did he say?” Thomas asked with his fists clenched, turning to Elijah. “Now guys please don’t start this again,” he pleaded, with his arms up, trying to separate them. But instead Nate burst into laughter and ran off. “What are ya, chicken?” he heard Thomas call out toward him. But Nate kept on running.
He was panting with summer sweat pouring down his dark blonde hair as the bell clanged, when he entered. “Hi, Mr. Michaels” He greeted him with a smile. Mr. Michaels just shook his head, and shook his arms out, as if he was annoyed of him.
“What do you want me to do today?” he asked.
“Nathan, I’m sorry, but I can’t have you work for me anymore, I think I’m able to go back to tending the business by myself. “
“What? You said I could have a permanent job here! You’ve changed your mind all of a sudden?” Mr. Michaels nodded his head.
“No, you liar! You didn’t just fire me because you wanted to tend to your own, it’s because I’m a poor, crippled Federal, ain’t it? That lady dug her nonsense into your head didn’t she? It’s because I scared your customers away, isn’t it? Just say it! It’s okay! Just say it, you can’t lend me a job because nobody wants there money wasted on a damn poor crippled Yankee! Isn’t it?” He shouted, and maybe his anger blew to loud. Customers stared. Mr. Michaels face went back red. “Nathan, I gave you a choice, I gave you a job, I gave you free groceries, and this is how you repay me? I was a good friend to your family, and I stood up for you! You have ashamed me greatly. And I know you didn’t mean the words that were coming out of your mouth.” He shook his head, and he almost cried.
“You don’t understand, do you? Those words weren’t an insult to you at all. They were an insult to myself. You have ashamed me. You dumped me like yesterdays news, just because of who I am.”
Nathan’s voice lowered to silence. His head sank down with his spirits, until he bumped into a lady wanting money for the people in the refugee asylums. “Help the poor children and mothers. They need your help! Young man would you like to donate some money to the poor-“
“I’ve tried giving charity to them before, but they didn’t pay the same respect back to me. “ He picked up his gashed broken leg and showed it to her. Then he walked on off.
“You’re home early,” Ma opened the door for him.
“He fired me,” Nathan replied flatly. “Why?” Ma asked shocked. “Because we’re Federals.” Gabby giggled in the background. Ma ruffled his hair. “Nathan, it’s the trying that counts. Money isn’t enough for my family; my children are, and you Nathan- are more important than money, okay?” Nate clenched the four silver coins he earned from yesterday and gave them to ma. Seems as if that would be the last time he felt money that he actually worked for in his own calloused hands. Nathan sat on his bed, looking at the ceiling.
“Pa what would you have done in a situation like this? How would you deal with it? How did you love everyone, and please everybody, like you did? I wish I could, Pa, but why can’t people take us as we are, besides, what color we are, how poor we are, or who we’re rooting for in the War? Is that all that matters now?”
Gabby walked in the room laughing, and climbed into his arms, giving him a big hug. Why couldn’t he go back to being careless, worry free, like a baby? He cradled her in his arms and kissed her on the forehead. Wiping off the dust of Pa’s photograph. “Say, da-da” He tried to teach her. “Da-da.” Gabriella pointed. Nathan smiled, and praised the Lord of what he still had left in his life. He had love, and that was all he needed.

14
Forgiveness, Freedom, and Goodbyes
Cassie
I was helping the cook dry dishes, when Lena came rushing in. “Missy Cassie, Mister Nathan’s at the front door waitin’ for ya.” Why would Nathan be here, I wondered as I followed Lena into the front room. Nathan was there looking awkward. “Cassie, can I have a few minutes to talk to you?” “What about?” “Cassie, we both know that you overheard me telling Adelaide that I loved her. I want to explain that I still want to be friends.” I stiffened. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I said with pursed lips.
I had thought that when I had that dream about Mama, I would have a new peace, but I didn’t. “I’m sorry Nathan, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” “But, but Cassie, I,” “Nathan, please.” He sighed, but nodded and showed himself to the door.
I almost burst into tears. Nothing was right these days; the war, Adelaide and Nathan, and no one at home to take care of us.
Later
I was back in the kitchen a few minutes later, drying dishes again, when Lena came in. “Missy Cassie, a young man is here to see you.” I rolled my eyes. It was probably Nathan, who had asked Lena not to say who it was. “Lena, is it Nathan Parker?” Lena looked confused. “No. Didn’t you just tell him to go home?” “So it’s not Nathan?” “No Miss.” I followed Lena out of the kitchen and back into the front room, where Jason Johnston stood. I had gone to the ice cream parlor with him once, and he was always calling on me. I didn’t like him; it was just because Papa had told me to start courting someone. “Jason, what are you doing here?” He grinned up at me with a wicked and evil grin. “Come with me; I want to elope.” I gasped. “Elope?” I said in a hoarse whisper. “Jason, I’m fourteen, I can’t elope!” “Come with me now,” he said in a growling voice. I backed away. “Jason, you’re making me uncomfortable. I need you to leave.” “I don’t care if I’m making you uncomfortable. You need to come with me, now!” I shook my head. He grabbed my forearm. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth. Jason dragged me by my arm out the door. I tried to scream, and I tried to bite his hand; I tried to do anything, but he wouldn’t allow me.
He thrust me into the carriage, and I started screaming, but he shut the door in my face. I wished at that moment that I would’ve talked to Nathan, and then Jason wouldn’t be doing this.
We were halfway down the old country road, when we saw Nathan. “Nathan! Nathan! Help me!” At that moment Nathan turned around and saw me banging on the door. He started running, even with his limp. He caught up to the carriage, and grabbed the horse’s reigns and stopped the horse. Jason started shouting at Nate. Nate ignored him and ran to open the carriage for me. He helped me down. Jason was swearing, and he tried to come punch Nathan. But Nate ducked just in time. “You are gonna pay slave lover!” Jason shouted, as he lunged at me and Nate. Nate shoved him away, and said, “If you go near Cassie again, you will pay.” Jason backed away, obviously intimidated. He got back on the carriage top, slapped the reigns, and sped off.
I turned to Nathan, and gave him a big hug. “Oh, Nathan, thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been there. And I’m sorry.” He shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m just glad he didn’t do anything to you.”
Tears were running down my face as I hugged Nathan again. “Thank you, thank you.”

Adelaide
Adelaide couldn’t sleep for many nights. Sometimes she felt horrible for what she had done to Cassie, and other nights she could only think of Nathan. It was the last night of July and Nathan had come to her balcony like every past evening. They usually just talked, but tonight he looked rather distressed.
“What’s the matter, Nathan?” he told her of Cassie’s unfortunate accident, and how lately she seemed almost desperate-crazy with no one to help them live in that house alone.
“I don’t know what to say, Nathan. I am so guilty…now she thinks she has no friends.”
“No, she doesn’t blame it on you, Addie. How many times do I have to tell you to stop blaming yourself for things?”
Adelaide wiped the tears from her eyes. “I know and I’m sorry; I have to go make it up to her somehow. I have to get out of this house and apologize to her. I guess I’m just a coward, is all.”
Suddenly they both turned at the sound of steps. A light flickered on in Adelaide’s room. Adelaide stared at Nathan, as both of them stopped breathing. She mouthed him to scoot back up the tree. Nathan almost tripped backwards over the railing, and then the curtains ripped open. There stood Aunt Ruth, her face pale and agape; she shrieked and threw open the French doors to join them out in the cool air. But the air didn’t feel cool anymore to Adelaide.
Ruth grabbed Nathan up by the shirt collar. “What do you think you’re doing, boy? In the middle of the night with my niece? Do I gotta call the police on you? Cus you’ll be damned for sure if I do! And Adelaide! How can I trust you anymore? Trying to fool me and runaway with scum like him? What must I do to get it through you children’s thick heads?” she shook him violently til he dropped to the floor on his bad leg. Adelaide could see Nathan trying to suck up the tears as best he could. She couldn’t however; again she felt like a coward. She fell to her knees in front of her aunt and grabbed her skirts pleadingly. “I’m so sorry, Ruth- it’s not as it looks! It’s not as horrible as you think! We were only talking!”
“So you would go as far as to disobey me behind my back and do something as dangerous as climbing a tree in the dark of night just to talk? Can I believe you anymore, Adelaide?”
“But don’t you know how it feels to be taken away from your friends? When you need them and you feel there’s nothing else you can possibly do without them- oh Aunty! If you can only forgive him I won’t cause you any more troubles-
Ruth’s eyes went foggy, and Adelaide knew she was thinking of Matthew. She did know how it felt to miss someone you loved. She almost understood for a split moment, before the fiery anger returned to her eyes. “I cannot believe this! What must I do to raise a child to a lady? You don’t know how many times I thank the Lord I never had children! I could never be a mother! All your father asked of me was to give you a place to stay- not put up with your wrongs!”
“He did not ask you to be my mother.” Adelaide spoke up, straightening her back. Nathan pulled his nerves together and stood beside her.
“Listen, Aunt Ruth- I am forever grateful that you were here to do as my father wished, to help all of us and take us in as your own children. And I am sorry for all the trouble that I have caused you, but I think the real problems are coming from the two of us. We don’t get along because we don’t understand each other. That is how wars start, am I right? Must we go on like this? I know I am confused- but isn’t everyone now? Friends, neighbors, brothers- all turning against each other because of misunderstandings and confusion! These days you have to take a side, you have to love someone and hate the other- what you look like is what defines you-but that is not how God wants it! We, as his Christian people, should show the people love as an example! How is it that pastors own slaves? How is it that aunts and nieces bicker over long-gone pasts? All we have now is ourselves, and to make it thru this we’re going to have to rely on each other. I know you miss how it used to be- who doesn’t? You’re not the only one in this house and neither am I! I am sorry that it took me a while to understand this, but I’m glad I did, for people are still out there fighting! I hope you understand what I am trying to say to you. I wish I could say it to everyone. I have a friend- a friend that taught me forgiveness. I didn’t know how much friends mean until I lost her, and now I would do anything to get her back. So I will. If only you will let me talk to her and apologize, because I really need to. But first I figured I had to straighten out things with you too, because then it just wouldn’t be right. So…can you forgive me?”
Nathan just stood back in amazement, watching the two ladies stare down each other with eyes full of emotion that seemed to go deeper than the ocean itself. It was a while standing in the chilly breeze before Miss Ruth could speak, and when she did her voice cracked. “Adelaide…I do understand. It’s just that, I was stubborn. I wanted to be your mother, so I took control. But I took too much. I tried to win over Alice with ‘things’ because I knew she’d love it. And Adam I knew to give him his space so he could be left alone and thank me for it. But you- you I could not get you to love me like the rest. I felt like a loser that you didn’t want to be here and you didn’t want me. I loved your mother so much, but I used to think that your grandparents loved her more than me. I know it was silly, but she always seemed to get the good things in life; she was the lucky one. So I thought now I could be her- your mother- I wanted to feel it. And now look what I’ve done- you’re so right! I have a fifteen year old giving me a lesson in common sense! You’re just like your mother- and I guess I am jealous, is all.”
Adelaide did not know what to say. She was so taken back she couldn’t find words. She even forgot Nathan was still standing beside her and had heard every word of this, and that they were still standing outside on her balcony in the middle of the night.
“Please don’t be jealous of me anymore, Ruth. I am not any better than you. And neither was my mother.”
Aunt Ruth cried and grabbed her niece tightly into a hug. She whispered words only Adelaide could hear. “Thank you, Adelaide. Maybe I just needed to hear that.”
Later
“I can’t believe you think I should be a preacher, Addie. Last night you sure sounded like one.” Nate joked. Adelaide smiled. It was now one hour after midnight and they were all having a cup of coffee near the stove. The coffee was black since sugar and cream were limited, but it was the feeling in the atmosphere that counted.
“I guess that’s a good thing,” they both exchanged glances that Ruth pretended not to notice.
“I suppose you should be getting home Nathan, before your mother frets her life away. And if you have trouble convincing her what went on tonight, I can talk to her.”
“Thanks, but that’s ok. My ma’ll understand.” He got up from his chair and Aunt Ruth nodded at him before he left. Then she turned to Adelaide, who was staring into the cook stove with sparkles in her eyes.
“Aunt Ruth…I still don’t understand. Why would you envy my mother? She married an unfortunate man that wasn’t good at anything but drinking. If you really knew my pa…you would see how things weren’t that much better for her after she moved out. Our life wasn’t anywhere near perfect or pleasant that is, at all.” Adelaide stared into her coffee cup before swallowing its bitterness down to her stomach.
Ruth closed her eyes for a moment before opening her mouth. “Do you know why your father and I really didn’t talk? Why I was hesitant at taking yall in, and why I never helped yall with money?”
“Oh please, Aunt Ruth- you mustn’t feel guilty now. You never had to-
“It was because your father didn’t want me to. You don’t know how many times I offered, and how many times your mother Adelaide begged me to visit…but your stubborn pa never liked me. He never got along with me and figured he was too good to need anyone’s help in life. So we swore to just ignore each other, that was, until your pa finally realized there would be a time he’d desperately need help not just for himself. After Adelaide died he really refused to talk to me just because I reminded him of her, I think. Oh and now look what’s happened! Here we are, just- I don’t know, I guess. I don’t rightly know.”
“Know about what, Aunt Ruth?”
“How things can change so quickly, I suppose. And how much the changes can turn a life starting with the small things.”
Adelaide looked at Ruth with confused brows, but could only figure her aunt was a different person inside. She yawned and Ruth caught it. “Mayhap we should go to bed, too. So tomorrow you can get right over next door and talk to Cassie.” Adelaide got up and turned in time to catch her aunt’s promising wink.
Later
Adelaide sighed, knocking for the fourth time til she thought the lion-headed knocker on the door would fall off. She adjusted the basket of muffins on her arm and decided she’d have to use her own effort. She banged on the heavy front door with her own two hands so hard the house shook. Finally, a black-skinned woman opened the door a slight crack. “What do ya want, missy?” her broken voice was muffled from behind the darkness.
“I need to speak to Cassie, is all.”
“Well you can’t; direct orders. Sorry to cause you to lose your knuckles for it.”
“Well I’m not losing my knuckles banging on this door without a worthy cause. You must let me talk to her – it’s about the reason she won’t let me talk to her.”
The servant miss was apparently confused, but reluctantly opened it anyway. “I’m sorry, but she really does need someone to talk to. And I reckon those muffins smelled too good to turn down.”
Adelaide smiled and followed her in, heading for the staircase. But the maid stopped her. “If anybody asks who let you in, tell ‘em it was Gideon.” She laughed and disappeared in the kitchen. Adelaide shook her head at the funny woman and led herself to Cassie’s room. She didn’t bother knocking this time.
“What are you doing in here, Adelaide?” Cassie gasped. She was sitting in her rocker knitting socks for soldiers, although to Adelaide they looked a lot more like pockets full of tangled yarn.
“I’m here to apologize, is what. And apologize to you, is who. Now do you really need to know why?”
Cassie saw how determined her friend was and didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry for the things we said and now that I think about it I think it was all silly. Sometimes we can be two stupid girls,”
Cassie smiled. “You’re right, I guess. And I forgive you. I have to, don’t I? You’re my friend.”
“Yes,” Adelaide smiled and picked up some thread to join her.
“And you’re mine.”
Later
It was the next afternoon and Adelaide had just gotten thru talking with Nathan. She had some important news to deliver.
“Adelaide, what’s up?”
“Cassie, I have to speak to you about Jason. I know he’s been bothering you something awful lately, but there’s good reason to it.”
“Good reason? Good reason for dragging me out of my house and nearly attacking me?”
“No, but just listen. He was desperate.”
Cassie sighed. “I’m listenin’,” she rocked harder.
“Nathan knows him and he saw him the other day. The poor kid’s on the street, he was kicked out. The reason he was askin you to come with him-
“Forcing me to come with him,” Cassie corrected.
“Well the reason he was doing that was because he was under pressure. His pa beats him, ya know. He didn’t think that was so harsh tugging on you like that since he’s used to it, I suppose,”
“And?”
“And his pa said he had better find a girl or else he was gonna get rid of him, and he wouldn’t give him any inheritance or nothin. He thought Jason was useless and good for nothing- he could never get a job and too afraid to go to fight like most abandoned boys do. He had to do something or else he’d be left with nothing. He wanted to please his pa, I guess, and you were the closest thing, but it didn’t work out. He’s really got nothin now.”
“But why? I don’t understand- why did his pa want that?”
Adelaide shrugged. “He’s crazy. Crazy and drunk. That’s why even the army didn’t want him,”
Cassie shook her head. “Talk about crazy! What is this world coming to?”
“But I still think you should go talk to him. Maybe he just needs a friend, and you should forgive him.”
“Forgive him for having an insane father and violently forcing me to elope with him? I don’t think so!”
Adelaide stood up. “Then you aren’t my friend! Don’t you see? You can’t forgive me and then not him- that isn’t right. You must forgive everyone- no matter how many times or how worse a wrong!”
“But we’re friends! That’s different!””So you were forgiving me just because I’m your friend? Cassie!””What? What do you want me to say? You know just as well as I do that these days there’s a line drawn in the dirt. You gotta step over on some side and know that you’re gonna have enemies! You can’t help it if the whole world doesn’t like you!”
“Yes, but you’re supposed to love your enemies too.”
“And where did you get that notion? From your Bible? It’s gone to your head! Sure, it’s good to read, but it seems you’re forgetting people lately, too busy trying to be Jesus!”
Adelaide stepped back in pure horror. She didn’t know what to think about Cassie anymore. But then she felt like a hypocrite. Just forgive her…she doesn’t know what she’s saying…
In answer to her thoughts, Cassie burst out with tears. “Oh I don’t know what I’m saying anymore!” she ran to her and Adelaide couldn’t refuse the embrace. “You’re right and I’m sorry. Sometimes I think I’m almost as crazy as Jason’s father! It’s just that I’m frustrated and I know everyone is, but you must understand- I don’t know what to do or where to go or who to go to! I’m trying to hold together what I have left of my family, and I guess I’m not doing a too good job of it. Oh Adelaide, I never thought times could get this hard!”
Adelaide rubbed her friend’s back, still thinking of what to say to her that would sound like encouragement. She couldn’t think of much. But before she could say anything at all, someone barged into the den where they were.
“Aunt Ruth? What are you doing here?” Adelaide stepped back from Cassie’s hug. She still hadn’t gotten used to her Aunt’s unusual surprises.
“And what are you doing with all of my things?” Cassie looked upset.
“I heard what was wrong and I have a solution, that is if you consent to it, my lady,”
“Consent to what?” she blinked back her tears, dumbfounded.
“Ruth now’s not the time…” but apparently the time had changed. Ruth didn’t listen, and instead she stepped forward with a wide smile across her suspicious face.
“You and your precious sisters mustn’t worry any longer! Yall are coming next door with us; to live.”

Nathan
Nathan was once again lost in a puzzled trance, with more thoughts swarming around in his head. This time they were significant. He was thinking of fighting in war, with Abraham Lincoln of course. That meant traveling all the way to Maryland to sign up. But he had no doubt, they’d let him; they were in desperate need now, more and more battles were being lost by the Federals but won by the Rebels. He was tired of having the whole world only surrounded by this one talk; the Civil War. It was making everyone different and miserable, even himself, and he was going to end it as soon as possible. No matter what chances he had to take, meaning to risk his own life for freedom to many people was what mattered. And also what they needed right now. Although he thought of what his Ma said to him the other day of not wanting him to leave her like Pa and Will did. He was given a responsibility to take care of his ma and Gabriella, but he wanted to do more than that, he wanted to end the whole cause of it. The cause of his father’s death and many others, the cause of people hating each other over silly things; to stop people from whipping others, and throwing rocks and crippling others. What would his friends and family think of was what he was afraid to hear.
Nate walked into the kitchen with his messy hair, and not his usual hungry look on his face, but a nervous one.
“Good morning, Nathan,” Ma smiled her every morning tired smile while feeding Gabby. Nathan didn’t reply his expected good morning back to her mumble. Instead of getting his breakfast, he pulled out a chair and sat beside her. “Nathan, what is on your mind this early? I can tell something is bothering you.”
“It’s something important, is what is bothering me. Something that I need to get off my chest and tell you.” Nathan answered his sweating hands folding together uneasily.
“Well go on.” Ma smiled at him. He didn’t like how this conversation was starting; his ma was smiling, which was what he didn’t want to make disappear. “Ma, I’m thinking of going to Maryland, and signing up to serve for the Union Army.” He could see from his mothers face, that this was unexpected from his mouth. Her face went pale, and it was the first time that he noticed his mother didn’t look too healthy. He could see her cheekbones poking through her skin. His stomach started to feel queasy. Had she been eating? For a few minutes they just stared at each other in silence until she finally had the strength to find the words.
“Do you think you are making the right choice?” Ma’s voice was fading to a whimper, until she was going to rupture with tears. “I think I’m making the right choice, yes. “Nathan nodded waiting for more questions to come. “May I ask you why you think its right?” she scratched her parched brunette hair. “Why I’m going is the same reason pa went, the same reason Will went, for freedom. Not only for freedom to the slaves, but for everyone. This war has caused more damage to the people than the places. And if we just hurry up and get it finished and hope that the Federals will win, even though most people in Richmond won’t like that fact. It’s gotten so boring, I…I don’t know what to say or do anymore. I just want to bring everyone back to their normal selves. Now days all the talk is the war, it’s the main thing in this era, and it shouldn’t be. Can’t we not just end it?” Ma was now flooding with tears. “Nathan you are only sixteen, and what about your leg?”
“They’re so desperate now they’ll take me anyways. Besides my leg isn’t much of a pain anymore; I‘ll always live with that limp and that memory. But we can write letters, and I’ll be back by Christmas with Will and Penny.” The sound of him saying that he wouldn’t see her in four months really put an impact on her. “It’s what pa would have wanted.”
“Don’t say that, Nate! How do you know that’s what he wanted? He did not want his family to be taken apart by the war. Just because he went doesn’t mean he wanted his sons to follow and do the same! What he wanted was us to all be safe and healthy no matter what. He wanted you to take care of Gabriella and me; he trusted you. At the looks of our money now, it’s going to get worse, Nathan; soon we will be running out of food.” Ma’s voice went to a hoarse yell. Nathan was speechless. “I guess I didn’t do a great job of it.” He mumbled. “Nathanial Daniel Parker!” he was surprised his mother had called him by his whole name. “You know you did the best you could, you sacrificed your own life for us, and had yourself get one leg crippled, just to get us safe. “ her crying went to hardly being able to breathe now.
“Elijah Bobby is there to help you guys, he loves you just as much, ma, he treated pa as his own, and pa treated him as his own son. “ “Nathan I appreciate it, but he’s a slave. He cannot do the same things as you can. You know that. He is chained by his own master as he is a dog!”
“Yeah he is treated like a dog! Bought, and sold for, and traded! Whipped till he bleeds and ordered to fetch them stuff and sit and lay; that’s why I am going ma. To stop it. Because I can’t stand watching it.” Ma actually wiped the tears away, and gave a weak smile. Her shaking hand found Nathan’s.
“And if I don’t make it back, you know where I’ll be, in a better place. And I’ll be with pa.” She squeezed his hands until his hands were about to fall off from the circulation. A tear fell down and dropped on Nathan’s hands. “If you think you are doing the right thing, than I trust you. But what about the others that need you? You are practically Adelaide’s father and brother, and you know you love each other. What about Cassie? You are a father and a best friend to her Nate; there are others that need you, there are others that care and love you.”
“Thanks ma, for trusting me, I’ll be back to say goodbye again, but you’re right and I know I have to give the same dreaded speech to them, and that’s what I’m about to go do.” He squeezed her hand back, ate some breakfast, and got up to go.
He knocked on the Adelaide’s door, getting ready to hope for the best. Was he sure of what he was doing? Aunt Ruth opened the door, looking changed, even her hairstyle had changed. “Yes?”
“I need to see Adelaide, its important.” He pleaded.
“You remind me of Matthew,” she whispered under her breath. Matthew? The one who ran away, the coward who got himself killed? Why was it that people were always reminded of other people by him? He wanted to just be Nathan Parker, not Daniel Parker, William Parker, or Matthew; he wanted to be reminded of Nathan Parker.
She opened the door for him. “Go right ahead.” Before he headed in he turned around toward her, “Ma`am, I know you thought me a scum, but I wished you could have really gotten to know me, before judging your opinions. You might not see me for awhile; you might not ever see me again.” He turned away from her blank shocked face and headed up the spiral staircase.
Nathan didn’t bother to knock; he opened the door slowly, and sat down on the window seat beside her. “Nathan, what are you doing here?” He thought to just get it over with. “I’m heading to Maryland, to sign up for the Union Army.”
“What…what do you mean? What has gotten into your mind?” A tear had already dripped down her face.
“Addie, I’m doing it for freedom of everyone, and I just think it’s the right thing to do right now. Just to win this war and get it done and over with. I know you have been miserable from the war, I have and everyone has. We need to get America back to normal.”
“And you think just you is going to change everything, and the Federals are going to turn around and defeat the rebels. What about your leg?”
“My leg is fine. Addie, I promise I won’t change. I’ll come back whether who wins, I’ll still come back as Nate, and I’ll still come back to marry you.”
Adelaide’s cheeks flushed pink. “And what if you don’t come back? You are risking your life for this, you know?”
“I know I am. We all are. I’m better off there anyways; we’re running out of money, and running out of food and life, and neither of us can seem to find a well job. We all are going to die sometime, and if I do, you’ll know where I am. I’ll be in the best place I could be.”
Adelaide started to shake and cry. Nathan put his arms around her. “Don’t make me feel bad, I want you to be happy about it.”
“Happy? Is your ma approving of this decision?”
“We already talked; she already agreed, but hesitantly.” Adelaide shook her head. “We can write letters, I’ll be home by Christmas.” Nate smiled. He leaned over and kissed her. “I love you Addie. I’ll see you again, and I know I can promise about that, even if it’s in heaven.” She was such in shock, she couldn’t say anything back. She stared out the window, with tears down her face. Nathan opened the door surprised to see Cassie right behind it. “Why is she crying? What did you do?” Cassie seemed concerned and angry.
“I’m going to Maryland, to fight with the Union,” He sighed getting irritated of repeating the same speech over again.
“Wh...Why would you do that?” she stuttered leaning against the fancy wallpaper.
“Because of freedom Cassie; don’t you understand what this whole war is about? I just want to end it all and get back to how it was before.” Cassie looked as if she was fuming. “I thought you different from every other man or boy, but you’re just the same as all the others. I thought you actually cared, and would never leave us, but I thought wrong. You’re just like the rest of them, to go to war and win, and then you can say you’re a war hero!” she yelled at him, her cheeks red. “I’m sorry,” Nate replied softly.
Cassie started to wipe a tear from her eye.
“I’ll be back by Christmas, and you can write letters if you want. I’m sorry, if only you could understand my position.” He muttered. “You’re position? What do you mean?”
“Cassie there’s a lot of differences between us if you never discovered them. First of all I’m a boy, you’re a girl, I ‘m poor, you’re rich, I’m a federal, you’re a rebel, you have slaves and I don’t. But those things really don’t mean anything if you think of it. Are we still friends?” Cassie looked up with red eyes, and nodded. She handed him the socks she had been attempting to knit. She started to smile looking at the yarn mess. “They’re supposed to be socks, but I guess you could use them for anything. You might be in need of them once it gets cold.” Nathan picked them up and started to laugh a hearty laugh. “Thank you,” He smiled and gave her a hug. He could still hear Adelaide sniffling in the background.
“I think she needs your comfort.” Cassie opened the heavy door turned around one last time and smiled, “Goodbye, Nathan.” Nathan turned around and walked on out the door. There was one more person to confront.
“Elijah!” Nathan called out in the backyard where he was working. He wiped the sawdust off his hands and walked on towards him. “I’m going to Maryland to sign up; I would like you to watch over my Ma and Gabriella.” Elijah Bobby’s face immediately lit like a candle. A wide grin spread across his face, so wide it was contagious. “So, you think you’re gonna make it this time?” he asked. “I would assume so; I wanted to let you know I was fighting for you and all your brothers and sisters,” he replied scoffing Elijah’s voice in a laughable way. Elijah laughed a long. “Thanks a lot Nate; you don’t know how much this means to me. To actually have a friend to risk his life for my freedom. If I could, I’d be right beside you. I wish I could do more than watchin your ma and sister, I’ll do the best I can.” He commented with the hope back in him again. Elijah scratched his bare wet back, and Nathan looked back to see more than twelve big gashes, and scrapes, from all of his past strikings. He immediately looked away, and bit his lip. “You’ll still be beside me,” he reassured him. “I’ll be back by Christmas, you can wri-, I mean, and I’ll see you then.” Nathan caught himself remembering he couldn’t read or write. Elijah Bobby held out his dirty dark skinned hand and Nathan shook it. Then he gave him a hug and began to limp back home. “Go get those dirty-faced rebels!” he joked, and Nathan laughed and waved goodbye. At least someone was happy of his decision.
“Don’t tell me it’s time for you to leave already,” ma dabbed her eyes with a hankerchief. Gabby came running over with a frown. “Don’t leave Natey!” Gabby exclaimed. He threw her up in his arms as pa had done when he left. Ma started to sniffle as if she couldn’t breathe anymore. “I’ll come home by Christmas and bring you a gift, don’t you worry!” he told her and that cheered her up for a little bit. Ma began to hand him food, “Ma you need the food,”
“And so do you,” she shoved them in his arms. She grabbed him in her arms and kissed him on the forehead. “I love you Nathan,” she sobbed. “Love you to Ma,” he smiled and limped out the door after the door shut behind, blocking out Gabby’s screaming.
Many Days Later
He walked into the Recruiting station with his heart throbbing. He signed a form and then a guy came to see him.
“Name?” he grunted. “Nathan Parker,” he replied huskily.
“Over eighteen?” he grunted again. Nathan looked down at his boots. “Yes, sir.” He lied.
“I don’t think you over eighteen but it won’t matter; I’ve had younger ones. Tragic ain’t it? You sure of it?” Nathan looked up, and limped forward, then nodded. “What about that limp we-“
“Its fine, it doesn’t hurt, it’s just permanent. I’ll be fine.” He interrupted. “May I ask how?”
“From a group of rebels down in Richmond.” The man nodded his head in shame. “Here’s your uniform; May God be with you,” he added. Nathan took the musty blue and red threaded uniform, and he immediately felt better. He kneeled down and prayed.
Dear Lord, Please tell me this is the right decision. Please guide me through these hard decisions, and times. And to watch over Ma, Gabby, Addie, Cassie, Elijah; to keep them safe and healthy. I’m thankful for all your blessings and love, and if I don’t make it, I’ll be with my Father and Maker. In the Lord’s name I pray,
Amen.

15
Hopelessness

Cassie
I was exhausted from moving all of our things into Adelaide’s house all day long. It was mid-afternoon by the time we were finished.
Right before supper, I was resting on one of the guest beds upstairs, when Annabelle sneaked in. “Cassie,” she whispered in her high- pitched seven year old voice. I opened one eye. “Yes?” “Are we going to live here forever?” she asked in a quivering voice. I rolled over. “Annabelle, you should like it here. You said yourself that Alice was your best friend.” Annabelle started to cry. I sat up. “Anna, what’s the matter? What did I say?” Annabelle was crying very hard. “Alexis said that Alice was her best friend. I never said that. I don’t have any friends!” And with that, she burst into a fresh wave of tears. I patted my sister on the back. “It’s ok,” I said lovingly. “Of course you have friends. You have Alice, and Nathan’s little sister, Gabriella.” When I said Nathan, my voice caught. I missed him, and he had only been gone two days!
I was comforting Annabelle, when Ruth called us down for supper. “Don’t worry,” I whispered into her ear when we were going down the stairs, “Jesus is your very best friend, remember that.” She looked up at me puzzled. “Really?” “Oh, yes,” I said. “Friends come and go,” I said, hoping that Addie and Nathan would never leave, “but Jesus will always stay.”
Later
I left right after supper. “Cassie, don’t you want to get some sleep?” Adelaide asked me. “I slept this afternoon. But I need to do something. Remind Alexis and Annabelle to say their prayers.” “You’re not going to be back in time to put them to bed? You know Alexis won’t go to bed without you.” “Just try, Addie, please,” I pleaded. “I really need to do this.” Addie shrugged. “Alright, but be careful out there. There are some really dangerous people out on the streets.” “I’ll be careful, Adelaide, thanks.”
I grabbed my thin, summer shawl and walked into town. I was going towards the dumpiest part of Richmond, to visit Jason. I was praying very hard the whole way there, hoping Jason didn’t try to take me away again.
I got to what I thought was his house in just fifteen minutes. Except it wasn’t really a house. It was just a shack. I took a deep breath, said a last-minute prayer and knocked on the door. Jason opened it. “Cassie?” he said surprised. “Hi Jason.” “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I came to say I forgive you.” He raised his eyebrows. “Forgive me for what?” “For almost forcing me to elope with you!” I yelled. “Oh, that. Yeah, sorry about that Cassie. I thought you would just come with me. I didn’t know you had a beau.” “A what?” “A beau.” “Oh, you mean Nathan? Oh, Jason, he’s not my beau. He’s just a friend. I don’t have a beau,” I said chuckling Jason blushed. “Oh. Well why didn’t you come with me?”
“Because I’m not ready to get married. And my sisters would be all alone. I can’t leave them. They’re the only family I have left.”
“But, your pa, is he…” “I don’t know if he’s dead or not. He hasn’t written in a long time. But then again, he wasn’t one for writing letters. And I have no idea about Uncle Carl. He hasn’t written any letters at all.” “Oh, Cassie, I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry that I let you down Jason. I’m just not ready to start my own family.” Jason sighed. “I understand.” “But don’t you have any friends that would be willing to let you start courting them?” Jason shook his head. “No. I don’t have any friends.” “Yes you do,” I said remembering that Annabelle had said the exact same thing. “Really? Who?” Jason asked excitedly. “Me,” I said with a small smile. He grinned. “Thanks Cassie.” “But I do not want to start courting you. Let’s just be friends, okay?” “Alright.” “And you also have another friend too.” Jason looked at me strangely. “Who?” “Jesus.”
Later
A few days later, Adelaide and I were sitting on the porch, drinking lemonade, when the mail carrier came up to the porch. “Good morning ladies,” the young boy said, tipping his hat to us. I giggled. “Good morning Eddie.” He grinned and handed Adelaide a few letters. “Thank you Eddie,” she said. Eddie tipped his hat again. “Any time, Miss Adelaide.”
“Here Cassie. There’s a letter for you,” Addie said, handing it over to me. She went in search of Ruth to give her the mail while I opened my letter. I read it silently. “Oh no!” I screamed. Everyone came running outside. “What?! What?! Is it your father or uncle?” Ruth asked frantically. I nodded my head, tears falling in my lap. The letter had dropped to the floor. Adelaide picked it up and read it aloud whole Ruth stroked my hair.
Dear Cassie, Annabelle, and Alexis,
I am sorry to tell you your uncle has died. He was shot in the arm, and lost too much blood to survive. But while he was in the hospital, dying, he found time to write me and ask that I come and look after you if he died. Which I was informed, a few days later he did. My name is Bernadette Rogers, and I am an old friend of Carl’s from California. I am traveling to Virginia to be your legal guardian. Expect me to arrive August 4th.
Your soon-to-be legal guardian,
Bernadette Rogers
I was sobbing now. I didn’t want a strange lady coming into my house, when I was perfectly happy right where I was. And, my uncle Carl had died. And I had loved Uncle Carl. I had come to love him more than Papa even.
“Oh, Cassie, I’m so sorry,” Addie said sympathetically. I stood up, sucked up my tears, and went into the house to gather my things back up, and wait for this Bernadette Rogers to arrive in a few days.


Adelaide
They were all sitting on the floor of her room shedding tears. Adelaide was having a hard time finding the right words for her dear friend; no matter how hard she tried no encouragement seemed to comfort Cassie enough. When the other girls found out of their uncle’s death, Annabelle slammed her door and had locked herself in her room-which was Adam’s old room, and Alexis had refused to talk the rest of the day. Sunday nobody felt well enough for church.
“Uncle Carl had taught me everything right I needed to know. Now that he’s gone I don’t know how I can possibly manage to do the right thing anymore without him!”
Adelaide laid a hand on Cassie’s shoulder. “We only missed church one Sunday and you’ve already forgotten? Cassie, you know God is here with us through everything. Sometimes the only thing that can clear you tears is prayers. You said so yourself that Jesus is the only true friend.”
Cassie turned to smile at her Adelaide as she wiped off her tears, “I suppose so, but you’re pretty close to a true friend too, Addie. You sure are a big help.”
“That’s what I’m here for-“A knock at the front door downstairs frightened them both. Cassie jumped and Adelaide went to her balcony. Ever since Confederate troops have been all over the streets of Richmond, Ruth had told them to be cautious of who was at the door before you let them in- Yank or rebel, Black or white.
Adelaide looked over her balcony railing below, spotting a lady who looked rather important; all dressed up in a fruit bonnet and hooped dress. But she saw no wagon or coach; she wondered how she had gotten here.
“Cassie; come look! If that’s Ms. Bernadette Rogers, looks like you’re in for a fancy time with her!”
Before Cassie could get a glimpse though, they heard Aunt Ruth opening the door. The two of them raced down the stairs to greet her. “If she’s Carl’s friend, you know she’ll be one of the nicest people ya ever met,” Adelaide whispered in her friend’s ear. Cassie nodded, but when Ms. Rogers stepped inside her smile faded. Adelaide backed up into the stairwell. Cassie leaned beside her, trembling, “I thought you said she was beautiful?”
There before them stood a woman that Adelaide believed would be the closest thing to a witch if she had ever seen one.
The elegant clothing and make-up had tried their best with this woman, Adelaide thought. She was rather tall and fat around the middle, reminding Adelaide of her father’s beer belly. Her wrinkly face was enveloped in a halo of white wispy hair, which Adelaide thought would’ve been rather beautiful if she had ever brushed it. She spoke like a rich, slurring Californian, and her eyes sparkled to match her sharp-hook nose.
“Is this my charming Cassie-babe?” she held her arms out to Adelaide.
“No; I’m Cassie, Miss,” Cassie stepped forward out of the shadows wishing she never had.
“Well nice to meet you; where are the other chil’ren?”
“You mean Annabelle and Alexis?” Aunt Ruth stepped forward, a little suspicious. “You do know that they are still in mourning for their Uncle Carl. He was very dear to them.”
“Well yes, May God bless his soul. Anyhow, where are their things?”
“Most of our stuff’s already at our house since we’re right next door.”
“Oh. Very well then, come along!” she turned out the door. The girls’ feet stayed rooted to the floor.
“Wait- Ms. Rogers! Wouldn’t you care to meet with us a bit; say, a cup of tea?”
“Tea? Blech! What do you use to make your tea now that this dang war took away our precious sugar?”
Adelaide watched Aunt Ruth’s back go rigid. She was rather uncomfortable with this legal-guardian. “Maybe the girls would prefer to stay with us just a little bit longer while you get adjusted and settled here.”
“That won’t be necessary. Besides, I’m never settled. We’ll see how long I last here,” Bernadette sighed and gazed around the entrance hall in dismay. Everyone stood in complete motionless silence before the woman grabbed Alexis’s little hand. “Okay, time to go!” she yanked the three of them rather harshly out the door.
“Come by any time if you need anything!” Ruth called after them.
“I’m sorry but I believe I certainly won’t need anything of yours!” She humphed and they waltzed outside. Adelaide barely had anytime to wave. She turned to see her aunt lean up against the wall. “Those poor souls! What kind of friends could a man possibly make?”
“Ruth, do you know how she got here? I didn’t see anything outside- almost as if she had flown here on a broom!”
Ruth let out a laugh. “She rode on horseback. All by herself; bareback like an Indian.” The two of them looked at each other in hopelessness. “I don’t know what we’ve gotten ourselves into, but I know one thing for sure.”
“What’s that, Adelaide?”
“Cassie lives right next door, but I have a feeling I’m going to miss her.”

Nathan
September 15, 1862
Washington County,
Maryland

Dear Addie,
How are you, and everyone at home? I’m sending all of my letters in to your home, so please deliver the rest to Ma and Cassie. I hope you have dried all your tears by now. Right now I am polishing off my rifle, and drinking whiskey by the campfire. Yes, don’t tell ma I have been drinking whiskey, and it isn’t that bad. But At least I’m not drunk like most of the others. At least I don’t think I am! We have been warming our blistered, bleeding feet by the fire, it’s not that cold here, I’m just dreading December. But I must remember to swallow all of my complaints, therefore we soldiers are supposed to not complain, or act cowardly. And if you do there will be punishment. Lord knows what the punishment will be! These Union Uniforms make every man look handsome, even when we are covered in grime. My skin is almost as dark as Elijah Bobby’s! My heart aches whenever I think of everybody back in Richmond, I can’t even picture your faces anymore. I think it’s because I have seen such horrible things here, I can’t try to remember your pretty face anymore. Though don’t fret; I am not as lonely as you think, let me introduce you to some new friends I have met: it is a little odd, since there are only two soldiers, counting me, on this camp from a southern town. Though everyone else has northern accents, but I feel back home.
Now Jim is twenty-three, he has a wife, a baby on the way, and a two year old son, in New York. His accent reminds me of yours. He’s funny, he makes us all laugh. He really loves making up nicknames, so he calls me Pastor Crip. Crip short for crippled, and the pastor part, Is because I’ve been giving them all a little lessons, or encouragements, that if they die they will be in a better place. They agree with you, they think I should rather be a preacher than a soldier. I’m suspecting that is a good thing.
Frank is seventeen, he’s well built, and he’s a real nice guy. He’s a lot like me; in a lot of ways that I can’t explain right now. (There is a reason.) Jacob is even younger than me, he’s the smallest, and real small His story is a real sad one. He’s the other one from the south; Georgia, he really wants to fight, just doesn’t know what he’s gotten himself into. A confederate mob riot burned his house and family down, so he’s here for revenge. It’s not real good, but we all are pretty much here for it.
Samuel or Sammy is twenty, he’s been here the longest, he was here when it first began, and he’s aggressive, his face turns real red if we just mention Confederates around him. We’re still trying to think of a name for him.
Anthony, is the oldest out of us all, he teaches us a lot of lessons for good aim, kind of like our own drill sergeant. Then there’s our General, General George B. McClellan, he’s got a real big mustache, and he’s a pretty good General, all I can say. Well I hate to end this letter, but I love and miss you. You will be in my prayers, just as I know I am in yours.

Affectionately yours,
Nathan Parker or Pastor Crip

Dear Ma,
How are you and Gabby? Give a hug to her from her big brother. I haven’t seen Will yet, but he’s probably not in Maryland, because nobody here has heard of him, but don’t worry.
You will be proud to know that my hair is now shorter. My friend Jim, who’s not a bad barber, has cut it off since he told me my hair would be lice heaven in a few days. How is Elijah Bobby? My leg is fine, so don’t worry about me. Just keep us all in your prayers, as you are in mine. I am counting down the days till Christmas; since I will be able to run, pardon me, limp towards my home. Frank is reading my letter now and calling me Mama’s boy. Which is true, I am your son, but I loved Pa just as same. I know this is short, but you would be glad to know I’m saving it for sleep. I love and miss you,
Sincerely,
Your son- Nathaniel Daniel Parker

Dear Cassie,
I’m sorry about Uncle Carl. Not only you have been mourning, he must have been known as a Federal hero, since a lot of soldiers from camp are missing him, and telling me about him. I wish I got to know him more. I’m sorry I’m not there with a shoulder to lean on. But I am sure you have finished all of your sorrow, since you are pretty strong inside. I’m nibbling on a cold cornmeal biscuit now, but thanks to you, my toes aren’t the least a bit as bad as everyone else’s. My friends are beseeching for socks just like mine, and they would call you the “Best Knitter in the world” If they could have some matching pairs. Frank told me to tell you that. Even though there is a lot of extra loose thread in the inside, it makes my feet even warmer. The sky is getting dark, and my eyes are slowly closing, so I must end this letter soon. You know I can’t talk about battles or anything relevant in to them in my letters, so not much to say about that. There are a lot of sicknesses going around, so we are trying the hardest to not catch anything. I hope you are doing fine, and I miss you a lot.
Sincerely,
Your friend,
Nate Parker
Nathan looked up to see the sky pitch black. The singing and smell of whiskey had faded away. He looked around to see some soldiers passed out on the dirt. Seems as if some had too much whiskey. He trotted inside the tent, and pulled the thin quilt over him. He laughed when he noticed he had their ridiculous song they were singing by the fire still in his head.
We are the union, gonna fight the Rebels,
We’re going to blow away those devils,
Take their slaves and their Negro’s
And let them run free!
Just like me!
He said a prayer and thankfully finally got to close his eyes.

Later
September 16th, 1862
“Crip, Pastor Crip, wake up would ya! The Big Mac’s calling us for battle.” Nathan woke up to see Frank and his small beard, due to staying here long. Big Mac was General George McClellan’s nickname. He whipped the foul smelling quilt off, and started to get ready. From the looks of everyone’s faces he wasn’t the only one nervous. “We’re confronting Robert E. Lee’s army, that’s what I heard. Towards Sharpsburg.” Jim mumbled.
The soldiers looked at each other but marched and some on horses rode, and walked silently. Not too sure what to expect. Big Mac looked over on his sleek brown horse; with his mustache quivering even he knew this battle was going to get bloody.
Morning attack was near the Cornfield, right around Dunker Church. Hooker’s corps were headed to Lee’s left flank, and that started a powerful assault. We were sweeping through Miller’s cornfields, fighting just like life depended on it.
Nathan stood there as tall as he could firing his rifle and reloading it as fast as he could. He didn’t want to hear all the screaming and see all of the blood, but he had too. Cannons were frantically being loaded, and it wasn’t till now when one was heading toward him and Jim.
“WATCH OUT!” Nate screamed on the top of his lungs trying to shove him away as fast as he could, but it all happened too fast. He heard a yell, and Jim was blown away, and soon he was as black as night, with blood all over him, and his remains everywhere. Nathan looked back even though he didn’t want too, but it was too late, Jim was dead. He wiped away a tear, hated to leave him lying there; he would never be able to see his family again- but he had to get back to do his part. Jim was in a better place now.
Later- Midday
We were puncturing the Confederates center at Sunken Road and we got into action crossing a stone bridge over Antietam Creek, following the Confederates at the right. They all kept on fighting, and this was about the bloodiest time; soldiers screeching yelps in pain, blood being shed over his not- as- handsome blue suit anymore. Once they started to get nearer, it was more and more crucial. He heard a young familiar blood-curling scream when he almost tripped over Jacob, with no legs, and no hands, he lay there hopeless. “Pastor Crip, I …gonna die. Help me; war…ain’t so fun anymore… wan- go back!”
Nathan screamed “Help!” but he was ignored. He whispered over toward him “God rest your soul,” and Jacob died with a smile on his face. Nathan turned around to see a cannon heading straight toward him. “CRIP!” he dodged out of the way, with Frank falling on top of him. “Thanks,” Nathan looked ghastly to see blood pouring through Frank’s uniform, right near his heart, his face went pale, and his lips blue. “Mmmmargaret, tttended me in South CaCarolina, tthank yyou for for your sssermons, tell her I love her.” He stuttered, until he flopped into his arms, Nathan shouted No in his head, but he got up from underneath him, and got back to his duty.
Nathan’s uniform was soaked with Frank’s blood and some of his own tears. He looked to the Rebel’s and saw the man who shot Frank, and he was about to have anger and revenge take over him, when he thought he saw Adelaide’s face. Was he dreaming? Yeah, he hoped all of this was a dream until he realized it might have been Adam that killed him; their eyes met, until they looked away and began to pick up there rifles and shoot away, at each other. He couldn’t be angry at Adam; he probably shot lots of his friends also.
Horses began to charge, and angry Rebels with knives began to fight back. This dreadful battle lasted three days. It was said to be the bloodiest battle so far.
When Nate finally left that place covered with dead bodies they were back at a campsite, except for a lot of other new Federal soldiers from General Burnside joining them. Nathan limped inside the tent, where his friends’ replacements were. It was only Anthony and Samuel left from there old troop. There was silence until Samuel headed over near him cheering and smiling, with whiskey in his hand. “Why aren’t you guys happy? We won the dang battle!” He shouted angrily. “We didn’t win it,” Another voice replied. “It was just Union strategic war.” Samuel grunted and sank on his creaking bed.
Nathan joined a silent card game, with Anthony and a new soldier Frederick who was Nathan’s age. Anthony set his cards down. “Game and match!” he said quietly.
Frederick lay on his bed with his arms beneath his head. “Are you going to preach us something today? We’d appreciate it, Pastor Crip.” Anthony asked. Nathan bit his lip back at the sound of his nickname. Limped to the center of the tent and opened his Bible to the first page he opened to. All eyes were soon on him, some with there Bibles opened reading a long:
“Matthew 5:3-10 God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are gentle and lowly, for the whole earth will belong to them. God blesses those who are hungry and thirsty for justice, for they will receive it in full. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted because they live for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.”
It seemed as if he picked the perfect verses; he looked up to see not only him touched but everyone else; some were teary-eyed and some were smiling. Nathan preached a short sermon and then they all prayed out loud after each other, and echoed Amen one after another, in different voices. Afterward, began to sing a favorite memorized hymn, and some memorized it too, but some copied every word after another. They might have sung bad, but they had forgotten what had happened in the past three days and that was the Lord’s blessings. There deep voices praised,
“Rock Of Ages Cleft for Me, let me hide myself in thee; let the water and the blood, from the riverside which flowed, be of sin the double cure, cleanse me from its guilt and pow’r. Not the labors of my hands can fulfill thy law’s demands; could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not a tone; thou must save, and thou a lone. Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to thy cross I cling; naked, come to thee for dress; helpless, look to thee for grace; foul, I to the Fountain fly; wash me Savior, or I die. While I draw this fleeting breath, when my eyelids close in death, when I soar to worlds unknown, see thee on thy judgment throne, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in thee.



16
Things will be Better
Cassie
I read Nathan’s letter, tears coming to my eyes. I didn’t want him to have to go to war; almost getting himself killed in every battle. He could be lying dead this instant and I wouldn’t even know it, I thought bitterly. But I knew he felt it was his duty.
I went over to my little desk and dipped my quill pen in the ink. I sat down to write him a letter.
Dear Nathan,
I will make some more stockings for your friend Frank. I will probably make some more pairs as well, so that I will be know as ‘Best Knitter in the World’ to everybody in your camp. I miss you a bunch. Adelaide does too. I see your mother and Gabby at church, and I see that they miss you even more. But I know that they are proud of you; Addie and I are too.
I am not living at Adelaide’s house any longer. Bernadette Rogers, a friend of my uncle’s from California is now my legal guardian so you can send your mail to my house now. I have got to go. I miss you.
Yours Truly,
Cassie

I stuffed the letter into an envelope, and went outside to wait for Eddie to take the letter away.
I was sitting on the veranda when Mrs. Rogers came out. “What are you doing outside?” Mrs. Rogers yelled. “You never come outside without my permission! Do you understand girl?”
“I was waiting for Eddie, the mail carrier. I wrote a letter, and I need to see that it’s picked up,” I said angrily, wondering why she would accuse me of being on the veranda of my own house.
“You come inside with me right now!” Mrs. Rogers said, frowning. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the house, and then snatched the letter out of my hand. She ripped it open and read it. “What is this?” she shrieked. “A letter to a boy? What would your uncle think?”
“He’s my friend!” I said, my temper flaring. “He’s in the army. I write a lot of letters to him. And nobody has stopped me before!”
“You are a disrespectful girl, a disrespectful girl indeed!” Mrs. Rogers said disgustedly. I felt like sticking my tongue out at her, but who knew what kind of trouble I’d be in then.
“I’m sorry. Please, let me have the letter,” I pleaded.
“I don’t think so young lady,” Mrs. Rogers said. She held the letter right in front of me and ripped it into pieces. “No! Mrs. Rogers, please!”
“Sorry girl, it’s already gone,” she said as she walked away. I felt like crying… but it was only a letter. I couldn’t let a letter make me feel this way. I could always write another letter.
“I hope you feel better Mrs. Rogers,” I muttered under my breath. “But this isn’t over. This isn’t over.”

Adelaide
Dear Nathan, September 25, 1862
I miss you so much and can’t help but think about you. You know since you’ve been gone me and Cassie can’t find much to do. You took all the excitement away, I guess. I know I can’t ignore the war and the whole reason why I am writing to you on paper instead of speaking to you face to face, but I really don’t like to think about where you are and how you could be. I don’t know much about war but I know enough to know that it isn’t pleasant. I ask myself so many times a day, why? I believe God’s the only one who understands our frustration now.
So how are you? I feel stupid asking you things like that, since I should know it always could be better. Though everything could be better, we just can’t help that. If there’s one thing I’ve learned by coming to Richmond it is that God’s in control and you just gotta be thankful. Sounds so simple, right? Maybe life hasn’t been so easy for any of us ever since this war began, but I think it changed us. I’m trying my hardest to be strong, Nathan. I figure you’re probably trying to be brave.
Did you know Nathan that once I swore I’d never marry? I’ve never told anyone that. I used to think my Aunt Ruth had it so good here on her own I thought it must be easy. Maybe I had seen father slap around my mother too often after he drank when I was younger. And maybe I had watched too closely as my father fell apart after she died; that I could only think love was a very scary thing that tied you to someone else. Adam was the only boy I knew then, and he was my world before little Alice came along. But you know something? Well I think you do, but I’ve changed my mind. I hate feeling foolish but it’s the truth when I say all I want is you, Nathan.
Well just to update you on back home-besides nothing fun happening- Cassie’s back in her own home with a guardian that, let’s just say- isn’t so nice and pretty all around. I still haven’t gotten any word from Adam or my father. Have you heard anything? Do you think they could be dead? As much as I hate to write that word I know I’ll have to face some reality. Oh and Elijah Bobby says hi. He’s stopped by my house so often lately just to hang out it makes my day. Sorry to say but our topic of conversation is most usually you.
Still loving you,
Addie
Adelaide folded the letter and placed it on Ruth’s desk to wait until the postal carriage came along. The house was all quiet; Alice was taking a nap and Ruth had gone into town to get the newspaper. So many things had become restricted recently it was hard to get out of the house and buy things. Newspapers had gotten more expensive because everyone wanted one, but we needed one now- Richmond was in such constant danger of the Union hands. The capital was such a big target we went under threats and drills so often now. Although all Virginians believe deeply in the power of Great E. Lee, they couldn’t help being frightened when Confederate soldiers stop you in the street just to make sure you aren’t suspected as a spy.
She went to her balcony and stood over the railing, enjoying the chill that blew her hair around. She stared straight into the red sun and knew somewhere Nathan, Adam, and even her father could see it too and were feeling the same warmth it gave her. The air smelled of crisp salt, dried leaves, and for some reason that scared Adelaide to think about, it smelled of smoke too. She figured she was imagining things. After all, she had been imagining things almost too much lately. She’d imagine her father at her door just as Cassie’s had done so long ago, to hold her and tell her what he never had; that he loved her. She imagined all the rest of them came home too; Matthew was back from the dead to give Ruth everything back she was missing, and Adam just how he used to be before he became the recluse obsessed with war. And Nathan wouldn’t have that limp anymore. Uncle Carl would come home to rescue Cassie and the girls, and everything would be right. Though the thing she had strangely dreamed of the most was something that would not subside from her conscience. Her mother; who would be alive and happy, something Adelaide thought she really never was.
“Adelaide? Are you alright?”
She swung around to see Aunt Ruth behind her.
“Yes, I mean why wouldn’t I be?”
Ruth smiled and leaned casually on the railing beside her, gazing over the same sun she had.
“By that you actually mean No, and how do I know?”
Adelaide turned her head slightly with a faint pretend-to-be-surprised-look. But it quickly wore off. She gave in with a sigh. “Yes, I guess that’s what I meant to say. Why?”
“Well if you’re as lonely as you look, then I can guarantee there’s a problem.”
It was Adelaide’s turn to smile. At the moment she couldn’t even remember how Aunt Ruth had changed so, but she realized she liked it. For only a moment she was imagining again, and this time her mother looked a lot like Ruth.
“It’s about everything, isn’t it? You’re missing almost everything, right? And Adam, your father, Nathan…” Adelaide gave her aunt a sideway glance this time. Ruth had never mentioned or even pretended to notice her and Nathan.
“And all that just seems to bring back everything else, like your mother…” Ruth’s voice drifted off and her hair gently tossed around, brushing Adelaide’s face. It was like magic that they both chose not to say anything, as if they both knew the silence was needed. After a moment Ruth finally stepped back into the room. “Oh, I almost forgot. In town I picked up some mail for you. You got a letter from your brother.” She pulled a faded envelope out of her apron pocket. Adelaide almost hopped off her feet. Finally word from Adam!
“I didn’t read it, and I don’t know if it’s good news or bad, but Adelaide…”
“Yes?” Aunt Ruth found it harder to say looking into her niece’s eyes filled with happiness and hope. “No matter if it’s good or bad, just know…things’ll be better soon. I just want you to understand you aren’t the only one…you’re not alone.”
Adelaide just nodded as her aunt turned to leave. She shut the balcony doors and plopped on the floor. But after her aunt’s strange words she was almost afraid to open it. Her hands shook as she ripped it open and pulled a yellowing letter out.
Dear Adelaide,
I wanted you to read this, and only you. I’m sorry I haven’t written, but I couldn’t help it. I thought we had drifted apart and was afraid to write you any longer. But now the days all blend together, and my skin’s blackening and all I can think of is home. I miss being clean…gosh I just miss the smell of being clean! Every night staring up at the moon I feel like a stupid little boy again. I thought I knew what war meant then. I wish I still didn’t know now. I’m sorry that I have bad news, and I’m sorry that it took something like this to happen for me to pick up a pencil to you.
I’ve received word Father is dead. Please don’t cry. I know how much you want to right now, and I do too but I can’t. I just can’t. I’m a man now. And I’m sure you’ve grown up too. He’s been dead for some time now; killed by one of his own men- another Confederate. I know it sounds insane to you, but if you were here you’d understand how such a mess things can be.
Though I do have good news. It’s good news for both of us, and somehow I know thing’s will work themselves out soon. I’m coming home in a few months…to stay for good. My general understood that I was the only man left in the family and I was needed back home. So he got papers signed for me to leave and never come back. I can’t wait to see yall. Just don’t worry. Things’ll be better.
Forever your brother,
Adam
Adelaide curled up in her bed and cried into her pillow. She knew she was older now but could not help the tears from flowing. She felt like she needed someone, but didn’t want to see Cassie or Ruth. Maybe it was best just to be alone. She realized all she needed was God. She tried to pray, but it seemed impossible. She thought of what Ruth and Adam both said, and what everyone seemed to be telling her constantly. She knew she needed to trust those words. No matter how bad her life was now or how worse it could get, things’ll be better. They will.

Nathan
December 10th, 1862
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Dear Addie,
I am sure there is no need for me to waste time explaining this freezing weather, since I am sure you are experiencing the same in Richmond. We are not that far away from each other. I can’t count how many times I have read your letter you wrote in September. Can you believe it has been about five months I have been in this war? It feels more like five years. I heard the tragedy about your father. There has been too many tragedies to hear and see, I can say I am glad to hopefully be able to come home for Christmas. I have been counting down the days, fifteen more days! I shall say I hope you are much warmer than we are!
As you probably have heard since November 14th General Burnside is now are new General. And I wish you could see him! He has hair that comes around like he is trying to grow a beard but then it stops. He also has a big curly mustache that needs grooming, like everyone around here. Fred and I have called his hairstyle “sideburns” “Burnside’s sideburns,” don’t ask why we call them that we just do. Fred and some other men are pleading me to grow some sideburns, they said I’d look handsome in them, but I think they are teasing. What do you think, should I grow some? Maybe after the war they’ll be the new fashion.
How are you? You will remain in my prayers. I miss and love you. Now I hate to end our conversation, although I need my shuteye. God Bless!
Affectionately yours,
Nathan Parker Or Pastor Crip

December 10th, 1862
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Dear Ma,
How are you and Gabby? As you will look out your window, and I look around, we will both see snow around us. Christmas is coming soon, and then I will look forward to hopefully seeing you and to remain snug inside, instead of outside. Have you heard any from Will or Penny? She should be expecting soon, shan’t she?
There isn’t much to say of over here besides battles coming and going. I have a feeling the end still isn’t near, and won’t be for a while.
How is Elijah Bobby? Well, I am sorry this letter is short.
Thank you very much for the quilt you have sent to our camp, it keeps us all much warmer than we would be without it. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of Pa, since I can see you used most of his clothing for it, and some of all of ours clothes we have outgrown. I suppose you did that on purpose to remember everyone is near. You and Gabby will remain in my prayers, and I hope that I will be back home where I belong rather than on this battlefield.
I love and miss you.
Sincerely,
Your son- Nathaniel Daniel Parker

Dear Cassie,
How is everything with Bernadette? I haven’t heard from you in a while. I hope everything is okay. Thank you so much for the large supply of socks, they have been helping everyone’s feet around here, and they all say thanks a bunch. Fred reminds me a lot of Elijah Bobby. He is full of the most hope. No matter what happens the day before, he will be silent and mourning one night after a battle, and the next day he’ll be smiling and so happy. It’s as if it’s a new day, forget what happened in the past, and forget your burdens and your sorrow. I think that should be my new motto. I admire it. Christmas is coming and the snow is falling, I know how much you enjoy winter. Have you heard much from your father? I hope you all stay warmer than we are right now. Unfortunately there isn’t much to say, and my eyes are closing on me. I will have to continue your letter as soon as possible. I will be back to talk tomorrow-

Later- December 13th, 1862
Nathan sat cleaning his rifle again, attempting to finish his letter to Cassie. Samuel came over standing over his shoulder, reading his writing, as the other soldiers were finishing their breakfast, so-called meal. “Who’s Cassie?” he asked slyly.
“A friend.” Nathan replied taking a bite out of a rock hard biscuit. “Isn’t your gun clean enough now, Crip?” He chuckled. “Who are you planning to use it on, eh?”
“If you don’t shut your mouth, it might be you!” Nathan snickered. All of the soldiers sat in a stupor watching the childish fighting going on. Samuel took a long chug of whiskey before spitting on his boots. Nathan wiped it off with his rag he was cleaning the rifle off with, stood up and finished his whiskey. All the other soldiers began to shout, and fire their rifles praising among nothing. Nathan decided to test his out, and shot his up in the air.
Afterward, three loud shots interrupted the merrymaking. They all looked over to see General Burnside with his gun and horse by his side. “Get your guns, we are heading towards Prospect Hill.” Suddenly there was silence except for men fetching their guns, and marching to Prospect Hill. December 11th the Union engineers had laid five pontoon bridges across Rappahannock River under fire. On the 12th we crossed over, and today there was nothing to expect but a battle. There were futile frontal assaults from Prospect Hill around to Marye’s Heights.
And it started to get horrific.
Nathan started to fire his rifle, when he noticed a familiar face under a coat of filth. “Will?” Nathan turned his head and then began to dodge a bullet. “Nathan, what are you doing here?” he asked surprisingly. “ I thought you knew-“ He shot a few bullets, “Ma didn’t tell you, I’ve been here for almost five months!” Nathan replied. “WATCH OUT!” William screamed as Will, Fred, and Nate fell to the cold snow, responding to a cannon coming their way. “Are you two brothers?” Fred asked looking back at one to the other. “Don’t you know we’re all brothers here?” Nathan smiled, and they all lay down with their guns in front of them and their frozen fingers shooting away. “Yes, we’re brothers.” William mumbled before he got to his feet and blended with the navy blue suits until they couldn’t find him again. Fred looked at Nathan peculiarly. “What?” Nathan looked back at him; a horse neighed as it galloped right near them. “Why did he act that way, you guys not get a long or something?” Fred asked. “ I don’t know, he’s been here for over a year, probably not in the best shape. Anyways, this battlefield is not the best place for a chat. Right now we’re here to fight.” Fred’s eyebrows we’re in a confused state, as if Nathan had just spoken French. Fred nodded and walked on ahead shooting. Nathan limped after him continuing his gunfire.
“You know, Crip you really should grow some sideburns,” he advised again. Nathan laughed showing him a childish smirk.
Then the smirk vanished and a holler of pain as a bullet him in his leg; he fell over to the snow. “Crip you okay?” Fred jogged towards him in concern. “What the hell is he shouting about I don’t see any blood!” A soldier looked back at them. “My leg!” Nathan grunted holding it his hands covered in blood. “Would you stop talking a bullet hit him in his leg! That’s what he’s shouting about! You idiot! I could use some help!” Fred protested. The soldier turned around back to where he was ignoring him. “Oh Jesus, it’s your left leg, the same one you can’t walk on! We got to get you out of here Nathan! Do you hear me?”
“No, he’s worse; he needs more help than me- take him first!” Nathan murmured. “That man’s dead!” Fred yelled looking over at the bloody man Nathan had pointed to. “Come on, I’m getting you out of here!” William looked back at them again and his face met Fred’s. He ran over to Nathan. “Is he okay?” It seemed like a stupid question after looking at the puddle of blood, making the snow turn red, which was expanding every second. They were running out of time.
“Nathan, I’ll see you at Christmas! I hope you’re okay! You’re a real great brother you know that?” Will’s voice began to fade to a whimper, to hide his emotion he turned around leaving them alone, back to fight. Fred dragged Nathan until he realized it was only making Nathan’s leg worse. He helped him up, and held his arm around him, and they struggled to walk until they found a doctor. Nathan was put on a stretcher, and mumbled thanks to Fred before he was carried away.
Later
Nathan woke up in a musty, and awful smelling room. He was in a large tent with many other soldiers in it with him on wooden beds wrapped in bandages. He looked down to see his leg wrapped up in a large white bandage. It felt as if a million needles were stabbing deeper into his leg, and his leg felt smothered too tight. A doctor in a long white coat with a Red Cross label sewed to it walked over to him with a paper in his hand, and a frustrated and grueling look on his face. His dark hair was covered with sweat, and he had a gray beard. “Excuse me, what is your name?”
“Nathan Parker,” It seemed as if the words came out in a moan. He scribbled something down on the document. “Nathan, there is only one way to get rid of this pain in your leg. And that is-amputation. I’m sorry; it is a risk, although we need your acception. Amputation? The word popped into his head after the word pain. Didn’t that mean while he was awake? Just axing off his leg, sounds pretty messy. His heart began to throb quickly.
“Although you are aware, you will be sent home, due to your injury.” Of course! Did this doctor think he was stupid? How would he be able to fight with a stub? A limp was bad enough, though if it would take away the pain, right now it seemed like the best choice. He would be home, home sounded so great to him. Nathan’s face began to feel real hot. Though it something he shouldn’t feel proud of. All of the other men were still fighting, even his brother. He would still be Nathan just barely without one leg.
Nathan nodded. “I accept it,” He took the document and signed his name on it. “The procedure will be done tonight.”
Nathan searched around the room for a clock, but he couldn’t find one. There were no windows. He didn’t know what time of the day it was, but he wanted to get this pain done and over. Thank you Lord for all you have done, and your blessings, I will be glad to be safe at home. I thank you for being with me every day in each battle. You answered my prayers, I wanted to be back at home soon, and I will Lord. Amen.
The Lord answered me that’s for sure, but in a mysterious way. He really does work in mysterious ways. Usually he felt reassured after saying his prayers, but this time, he was still feeling uneasy. Nathan could barely keep his mind off of being able to get home soon. Back for Christmas, just as he planned. Although he could barely keep his mind off of having his leg amputated.

17
Miracles

Cassie
I had had enough of Mrs. Rogers. She was making my life miserable. And she was going to make my Christmas miserable too.
I was reading a book, and Mrs. Rogers burst into my room.
“Cassie Morris, you get to baking those pies!” she said sternly.
“What pies?” I asked, confused.
“The Christmas pies of course!” the old ugly lady shrieked.
“But, I’m reading. Rita will take care of the pies for the time being. I’ll help her later,” I said.
“Who is Rita?” Mrs. Rogers demanded.
“The cook that you hired,” I said. Mrs. Rogers seemed to consider that. “Well, I don’t want you to help her later; I want you to help her now!”
“But it’s Christmas Eve! I should be able to read when I want to. I am always so busy helping the servants. This is worse than when Uncle Carl was here.”
“God rest your uncle’s soul. And you are a wicked, wicked girl. Those poor slaves work so hard, and you can’t even go help them bake pies?” Mrs. Rogers was shouting by now.
I threw my hands up in the air. “Fine, you win!” I cried, setting my book aside, and going downstairs to help Rita with the pies.
“You’ve won this battle, but it isn’t over,” I muttered under my breath.


Later
The table was set beautifully for Christmas Eve dinner. And Mrs. Rogers had made me set it. Annabelle and Alexis were dressed in their Sunday best, and so was I. I was in a pretty, baby blue dress that fitted my figure well.
Mrs. Rogers, even in her beautiful red dress, was just as ugly as ever. Her hair was sticking up everywhere, and I know that she would be angry if I mentioned it, so I let it go.
“Is Papa going to come home for Christmas?” Annabelle asked as we sat down to pray. But before I could answer, Papa was standing in the doorway. “Papa!” I screamed. I ran to him, grabbing Annabelle and Alexis on the way.
But I stopped before I got to him. He was had bloodstained bandages wrapped around his head and his left hand; the hand he wrote with. He was thin as a beanpole. “Papa?” I whispered. “Is that really you?” Papa started coughing.
“Mr. Morris!” Mrs. Rogers said, horrified. “Mrs. Rogers, get the maid!” I cried. But Mrs. Rogers was frozen in place. “Annabelle, go!” I yelled, grabbing Papa’s waist. My short, slender arms wrapped all the way around his waist, which was scary. They had never been able to do that before. Annabelle took off at a run. “Lissy, Lissy!” she screeched, calling for our maid who was also a nurse.
I helped Papa into a chair nearby. Alexis was standing there, wide-eyed, looking frightened. I didn’t really expect her to help though. But I did expect Mrs. Rogers to help.
“Mrs. Rogers, I could use some help. I looked into Papa’s eyes. They had once been a dark blue; now they were a sharp gray. His face was white as a sheet. And he was coughing up blood, which was not a good thing.
Annabelle came running in at that moment, with Lissy close behind. “Don’t worry Masta Morris, I’m gonna get you all better.” Lissy promised.
We had Gideon come in and transport Papa to the bedroom downstairs. Then Lissy ripped open his butternut gray uniform. There were wounds all over his chest. “Poor Papa,” I said.
Lena came in and whisked Annabelle and Alexis away before they could see what had happened to Papa.
“Cassie, what happened to your papa?” I turned around to see…Uncle Carl. “Uncle Carl!” I screamed. I felt faint. This was all happening too fast. Papa coming home wounded. And then, Uncle Carl, who was supposed to be dead, coming home.
“Cassie? Cassie?” I heard Mrs. Rogers calling me. But then I didn’t hear anymore, because everything went black.
Later
I woke up a few hours later, in my room. Harriet was standing over me. “Oh, missy Cassie, we was so worried about you,” Harriet said, leaning over to kiss me. “Yes Cassie, we were worried,” I heard my Uncle Carl say from across the room. I sat up.
“Uncle Carl. I thought you were dead.”
“So did I,” he said, looking at me and smiling.
“But, Mrs. Rogers… and Nathan. Nathan said that you were in his troop, and all the men missed you.”
“Everyone thought I was dead, because I was wounded very badly. But after I healed, they sent me to another regiment, so I didn’t see any of those boys again. I guess I should have notified them that I was alive.”
“Probably,” I said, as Harriet handed me my tea.
But then I thought of something else. “What about Mrs. Rogers? Did anybody notify her that you were dead? Because nobody notified us.”
Uncle Carl sighed. “Bernadette Rogers is an old friend of mine from California. And then she also followed me to Oregon. So I’ve known her for years.
“I wrote her and told her that I was wounded. I asked her to write you and tell you. I never told her that I wanted her to come live with you.”
“But, she said you died. She caused me a lot of grief.”
“And I’m sorry for that. I should have told one of my other friends, someone I trust.”
“You don’t trust her?” I asked, terrified that I had been living with a madwoman for the past few months.
“No, I didn’t mean it in that way,” Uncle Carl said.
“She’s mean to me Uncle Carl,” I said, starting to cry. “Please make her go away.”
“I will. I might just yell at her. But that would ruin the Christmas spirit. So I’ll just talk to her after Christmas.”
“Good,” I said satisfied.
Later
Papa was resting. Lissy had dressed his wounds, and she said there was no infection.
Uncle Carl, Mrs. Rogers, Annabelle, Alexis and I ate our huge Christmas Eve dinner, and were filled to the brim after we were done.
Since Uncle Carl and Papa were home, I wished I had invited everybody I knew to Christmas Eve dinner, but I hadn’t, because Mrs. Rogers would have made them miserable.
Other than Nathan being gone, Mrs. Rogers being there, and that all my friends weren’t around (which I know is a lot), it was the perfect Christmas Eve. And it was just because Uncle Carl and Papa were there.

Adelaide
“My doll, may I come in?” Aunt Ruth’s voice drifted over her shoulder. Adelaide didn’t see why she bothered asking since she was already standing in her room. Ruth sat down on the bed beside her.
“Where’s Alice?”
Ruth sighed. “Napping. You know, it’s getting close to that time. Christmas is tomorrow and your brother Adam could show up any day now. I think you should tell her.”
Adelaide turned away from her aunt’s strained face, noticing it was more strained than usual and didn’t want to look at it any longer. She felt the tears come but they did not surface, as they hadn’t fallen since that September day. She and Aunt Ruth had made an agreement not to tell Alice until the time was right. The time had come now, but Adelaide felt that it would never be right.
“When she awakes I’ll send her to you. I think it will be best if you tell her, and I think you know that too.” Adelaide didn’t answer. She turned her attention back to her mother’s Bible that sat in her lap. She could feel Ruth reading over her shoulder as she turned the page. The page was ripped at the corner, and Adelaide turned a little pink looking at it. She remembered the day she had done that; thrown it at poor Nathan and ruining her mother’s precious book. Although it wasn’t her mother’s any longer it was still precious.
“Do you always read this when you’re alone up here?” Ruth’s warm breath tickled Adelaide’s neck. But Adelaide still did not answer. She scanned the words and realized the ruined page full of memories had almost marked itself for her. The verses on this page wanted to be remembered…needed to be.
“Where are you? Would you mind reading it to me? I haven’t looked at a Bible in years, I do believe!” Ruth laughed it off and Adelaide did not. She read it nevertheless.
“Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way.
If I speak in tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Adelaide slowly closed the book, and soon began to feel uneasy with her aunt still hovering over her as if she was in a trance. Finally she spoke. “I feel as if I missed something. I have never known love like that. Who has? Nobody’s perfect!”
Adelaide turned back to face her aunt with the stubborn tears still in her eyes. Her voice was weak as she replied. “Yes you have. This is the only real love you’ve ever received, and have always had. God loves you. So many people take that lightly because it’s such a common thing to say. But if you think about it long enough, it goes deeper than anything.”
“I still feel like I missed out on some things. I gave up reading the Bible when I was fairly young because it was so dull to me. Stories of ancient prophets and parables and so many things I couldn’t understand and felt I never would! But I think just now something finally got through. I don’t remember those verses.”
“Well they’ve been here all the time; first Corinthians chapter thirteen. You’re not the only one, Ruth. So many give up because they don’t understand things. But God takes care of everything so why spend your time trying to figure things out? There’s plenty more verses in here like that, Ruth.”
Ruth leaned closer and seemed to whisper. “Now I know why you spend so much time alone with this book.” Adelaide just smiled. “May I borrow it? I’m sure I have another one somewhere in this old house but I’ll bet it’s full of dust.”
“Please do!” Adelaide passed the Bible to her. “And I’ll go find the duster!” She joked and they both had just begun to laugh when Adelaide’s door opened. Both of the ladies swung around to see a blonde head of curls peek in.
“What’s so funny? I wanna know! I’m waked up now so I can know!” Alice soon joined them on the bed with a bounce, causing the mattress-box to crack.
“I think I better get off this thing before our weight brings it down!” Ruth slid off the edge and left for the door. But before she stepped out of the room she made sure Adelaide could see her encouraging nod. Adelaide turned to her little sister and sighed. The nod didn’t seem enough to prod her along. Her throat grew heavy and twisted as she studied some loose threads on her quilt and began to play with them. “Whatch’ya doin?”
Adelaide thought over and over and harder each time for what to say. Her stomach clenched in a fist that she was sure would punch her in the heart any moment.
“Addie, what’s wrong? I axed’ you what you were doin and it looks like you’re doin nothin. So can I leave now? I’m hungry! Are you hungry? You looks sick…are you sure you’re all wight?”
Adelaide just swallowed. “Listen Alsy…I just need you to listen for a minute. I got something important to say and you gotta hear it.”
Alice nodded back but from the sparkle in her eyes Adelaide didn’t think she really understood. She wasn’t ready…I’m not…how can I say this? How can I make it any better? It seemed impossible now…but she knew if she didn’t she would be deceiving her sister.
“So what is it? Aint ya gonna tell me?”
“I just want you to know that what I’m gonna say isn’t good news. You might want to cry even…but I want you to try not to. Do you think you can handle this?”
“Sure. I promise I won’t cry.”
“You promise?” Adelaide was doubtful; the poor thing didn’t know what she was saying.
“I won’t cry sissy…now please tell me! It looks like if you don’t tell me any sooner you’re gonna cry yourself.”
I already have; Adelaide thought to herself and stopped herself from saying it. She had to make this easy for a four year old.
“Pa’s been gone for a long time…”
“Yeah, he has,” Alice interrupted. “Will he ever come back?”
“No. He won’t.” That was all she had to say and it came out so fast Adelaide didn’t even think about it. She quickly ducked from Alice’s gaze and pulled her finger out of the tangled threads she had wound so many times around that the tightness hurt. Surprisingly, when she gained enough courage to look back in her sister’s eyes she realized Alice had kept her promise. She did not cry.
“You can cry if you want to, Alsy. If you need to I’ll understand. Everyone cries and they can’t help it,”
“No.” she shook her golden locks stubbornly. “I don’t need to. I never needed pa anyways. Ruth says I’m already a big girl and I didn’t need his help. When he left I cried, but …” Alice looked up to see her older sister with tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew she’d be the one to cry first. Adelaide was numb hearing her sister and watching her have no reaction at all towards papa’s death. As if he didn’t exist…as if she didn’t care. And finally her tears had gained enough saddening weight to fall freely.
“What Addie? Are you mad at me? Is it wrong that I’ve forgotten papa? Do I need to remember him? Cus all I got of him is a picture…should I cry? You want me to cry?”
Adelaide just shook her head. Alsy had forgotten pa as easily as she had their mother. She didn’t understand what orphans meant.
“Don’t worry Addie…Aunty Ruth can adopt us!” Adelaide turned away from Alice’s smile. Finally Alice gave up on consoling her sister and left. Adelaide slid to the floor. The thought of living in Richmond with Ruth forever was depressing to think of because the only way she could live here was with the war around them…and certainly this war wouldn’t last forever?
Later
Late Christmas Eve night Adelaide finally gathered enough strength to go downstairs. To her surprise she found Aunt Ruth reading in the parlor by the light of an oil lamp. She was all alone; Alice had already gone to bed and with just as sweet dreams as she had had before the sad news. The stairs creaked under her feet and Ruth’s startled head turned.
“You’re still up?”
“I can’t sleep.”
“On Christmas Eve of all nights? Why, that’s a shame. You know, I’ve become so interested in this book I just can’t put it down…I guess I sort of forgot about you.”
“That’s all right…are you still reading my mother’s Bible?”
“Sure am. You know what…I think I can cure your sleeplessness. Why don’t you come take a seat by me and we can read the Christmas story together.”
Adelaide flounced down the stairs and struggled to pull a heavy brass-buttoned leather chair over to the corner. Ruth waved a hand at her. “Just come sit.” Adelaide didn’t know what to say, but she slid into Ruth’s lap and found it comfortable.
“Fifteen years old isn’t too old to sit in an aunt’s lap for a bedtime story, is it?” they both laughed. Adelaide shrugged, “I suppose not!”
Her aunt’s southern voice smoothly read the verses off the pages like melted butter off a corn biscuit. Adelaide found herself dozing off on her shoulder. Ruth smelled of starched lilacs and felt so much like a mother. Her mother.
Suddenly Ruth’s voice stopped, and Adelaide raised her head a bit. “Why did you stop? Mary hadn’t even seen Gabriel yet…”
“Oh, I was just thinking. I was thinking how often I’ve messed up in my life and how wonderfully God has fixed it for me.”
Adelaide didn’t say anything, but she sat up so her aunt would continue.
“Well, I always wanted children. People may have thought otherwise because I pretended to not be bothered by my loneliness, but that’s one of the main reasons I was jealous of your mother.”
“Because of us?”
Aunt Ruth saw the alarm in her niece’s eyes. “Oh this is a bad time to bring up such things.”
“No, there’s a time for everything. And I’m listening.”
“And I was so rude to you because when I was put in charge of yall I finally had my children but you wouldn’t let me in. It made me feel as if I was meant never to be a mother.”
“Oh I’m sorry, Ruth…I didn’t mean it that way. I was only grieving…and I thought I was the only one.”
Ruth sighed. “Now we have things straight but it seems our whole world is grieving. Sometimes I don’t know what to do. I’ve just recently gotten back in the habit of prayer. Maybe you were the reason I’m changing. God has sent you for me, Adelaide. I know no one can replace your mother and I understand you’re still upset about your father, but…”
“We’re orphans.” Tears drifted down from Adelaide’s eyelashes. “And Alice doesn’t even care! She has already forgotten pa! After all I did to keep us together thinking things would get better- none of it worked!””She just doesn’t understand. She will.”
“I’m just so frustrated because for some reason I had the slightest hope that after the war Pa would come back a better man and would forget ma and drinking and take us back home. Now I can’t believe I actually thought things would get better!”
“Oh honey bun…we live and learn. And I can see you’ve learned a lot of things…and that’s something better in itself. We know not everything is better-some things have even grown worse, but you know you’re wrong if you think nothing’s gotten better. Why, I have the children I’ve always wanted, you’ve made friends and learned to trust and become stronger, and your brother could waltz in that door any moment now!”
Adelaide tried to smile, but her lips felt heavy and too tight to stretch. “I’m just afraid…what if Alice has forgotten Adam, too?”
Ruth didn’t answer. She just rubbed Adelaide’s back and combed her hair softly with her fingers. Adelaide tried to breathe straight and think things would come through. It was just so hard to imagine Christmas was tomorrow, and last Christmas she was snug at home with her whole family!
There was a bang at the front door and Ruth jumped off the chair nearly throwing Adelaide to the floor.
“Oh my Lord! Look what the wind blew in!” Ruth dashed over to embrace a tall figure bundled in blankets that shed ice all over the hall. She led him into the kitchen to sit beside the stove and readied a cup of hot cider. Adelaide just watched, studying him as if she was looking through a magnifying glass.
He was dirtied and nearly had a beard. His eyes looked so small behind his worn skin and grim expression. His broad shoulders were gone and replaced with bony ones that jutted out of his thin frame. His toes stuck out of his boots that flapped open. His feet were crusted with dried blood and soot showed deep under his nails. His hair was caked with ice crystals that seemed to give his once blonde hair a kind of shine. He stared back at Adelaide but did not acknowledge the fact she was even standing there. Adelaide knew she would be disappointed if she had expected her brother to return dazzling and renewed, a man with a spring in his step and braver than a hero himself. But this was someone different; a shrunken and exhausted man that looked like he had been to Hell and was spat back out and was now trying to fit in a boy’s clothes again.
Ruth pulled up a seat at the table across from him and gave Adelaide a warning look. So she reluctantly approached Adam and bent down to hug him. He hugged her back and Adelaide was sure she saw a hint of a smile flash across his face. That was all. This was nothing like the reunion she had imagined.
The moment of silence was almost unbearable. Since Adelaide had obviously lost her voice Ruth opened up for her.
“You all right?” he didn’t answer. Not even a grunt or a nod.
“You’re so happy I bet, to be home I mean. We are happy too, that you’re here. I suppose it will be a surprise to little Alice tomorrow. We won’t want to wake her so you’ll have to be her Christmas present!”
His mouth formed a little dimple at one side of a very faint grin.
“I’m sure you’re tired. You’ll feel better once you’re rested. Goodness what a wonderful Christmas this’ll be! Too bad we don’t have a Christmas tree. With all the men gone I assume there’ll be many others going without trim and mistletoe too.”
Adam still was not talking. Adelaide followed his gaze that probed around the room, blank and full of something she could not figure out. Ruth realized he wasn’t responding and knew he was probably just exhausted and overwhelmed now. So she gave up with conversation and decided to get his room ready. “Is there anything you brought back with you that I can bring to your room for you?”
Adam shook his head no and she left. Adelaide could only swallow. He had nothing. Then she noticed how he was staring at her. She averted her eyes away from his face, not sure what to think. She couldn’t even look at her own brother’s face at the moment. It brought tears to her eyes every time she told herself he’s here…right here in front of me…yet she still felt a world away from him. Even farther away than when he was gone. This did not seem the one that wrote her letters so full of feeling.
She knew she had to say something or the silence would say too much and she’d have to cry. “Adam…I’ve missed you so much. And I’m happy to see you. Just know you’re home, all right? You’re home.” He looked at her one last time and then got up and walked off, leaving her standing in the empty cold kitchen. As soon as he had gone to his room Adelaide fell into a kitchen chair and sobbed aloud. She could not think wrong of her little sister anymore because she felt she had forgotten her brother also. It was hard to forget him…but she definitely didn’t remember the Adam that just walked in through the front door.
She gripped on to the corner of the table, thinking who every other man would come home as. Would every other loved one that would return seem like a one-hundred-year old boy? She could only pray. Pray it wouldn’t be so with Nathan.

Nathan
Nathan trudged his worn boots through the icy snow, almost as if he were dragging them behind him, scared to move on forward. A familiar face glanced at him with an alarmed look cast upon it. “Crip what do you think you’re doing?” William shouted at him. “I am fighting in the war, what else does it look like?” Though there was no need for an answer, a canon shot a loud shout, and it was as it was in slow motion, a bomb aiming right through his chest. He was covered in smothering flames, until he was swallowed up in whole. The last thing he saw was Will drop his rifle, sprint over toward him, and kneel down at his feet, as tears dropped down to his remains. The gray smoky sky, flashed to a gun smoke black, and stayed there.

Nathan shot up from lying down, and threw the quilt down as if it were a poisonous snake. Sweat flowed down his whole body, almost like he was on fire. He was burning, while outside the window it was snowing. Am I alive? He was still questioning himself in his mind. Unexpecting, he looked around to see home, he was lying in his own bed, and his own room, he was safe at home! Suddenly everything was playing in his head; he was remembering it all now. It was recollecting in his brain. The joy was overflowing inside him that he was back home, although the sorrow for his fellow soldiers still fighting remained in him. He said a short prayer, and realized he couldn’t feel his left leg; he looked down at a short stub that was left at where his whole leg used to sit. Nate was glad that the amputation was over, and the pain was gone, although the memory of the slow and morbidly painful slice was still stuck inside him. The doctor tried to reassure him, then took out his hefty razor-sharp utensil and it sliced right through his wound, he couldn’t say it was a quick process, the screams, hollers, and pain seemed as they would never stop, Nathan could hear him amputating his leg and he couldn’t look, his neck was settled wedged to the ceiling, the whole time, and nothing else. He had never felt anything more painful then that, he remembered trying to imagine he was somewhere else though it wouldn’t work while someone was right there knifing your leg off; especially, when you could still hear gunshots from beyond. Nathan’s doctor didn’t even have any supply of chloroform to give him, and afterwards his leg was placed in a five foot pile of bloody limbs. Although he hated to, he had to give credit to his surgeon, he had saved his life, and no matter how sordid, gruesome, or excruciating it was; it worked. He looked down seeing a relief swept him that he was out of his uniform, and in his underclothing. The fragrance of lavender, and sweet pea was sweetening the aroma on his skin. He didn’t remember washing up; he didn’t even remember coming home.
His eyes told him to go back to sleep, but the fear of nightmares and his stomach overpowered. Not only did he smell soap, his nostrils breathed in the heavenly smell of bacon and eggs, caused him to wake up, and head to the kitchen. He picked up the fragile and cheap looking crutches that looked as if the doctor made them himself while amputating his leg. The weight of his upper half body’s strength lifted the lower half, and he was successfully standing between his crutches.
Now that step was done, it was getting into his clothes that seemed the most difficult. He leaned his crutches on his wooden dresser, pulled the warmest shirt he had on, now that his sweat had drained down, and soaked in chills had followed after. Then pulling his right leg into his pants, and then pushing his stub into it, he was finished. Feeling the empty lower pant leg that started above his knee to his feet upset him, but it just had to stay like that, there was no undoing it.
Limping towards the kitchen, the faint sounds of his mother and Gabby laughing reverberated louder, as he came nearer and nearer to him, the same constant childish grin was able to make an impact on his face. “Merry Christmas Nathan!” Ma wiped her hands on a red checkered apron, and showing herself in her best red dress which pa gave her two Christmas’s ago, she was still able to wear, was large on her, and made him worried.
“Christmas? Already? Did I sleep through the whole month?” Nathan leaned over the sink, splashing water on his unshaven scraggily face; at least he smelled clean.
“You were like a bear hibernating in the winter,” she laughed. “No, of course not, give yourself a rest Nathan, you just came home yesterday! You washed yourself up and napped the whole day. You deserved it.”
“Did I ever greet you or Gabby? How come I can’t remember anything that happened just yesterday?”
“It may be a side effect from your, your…procedure, but you’ll be fine. You can give me another hug, if you want.” She grinned, holding out her thin arms to him, and Nathan accepted it, embracing her back. She wouldn’t let go for a while, but she finally did.
“You kept your promise, you said you would come home for Christmas and the Lord answered it,” she smiled, fussing with her wispy hair that shared the exact color of Nathan’s. Nathan was about to reply “even without a leg “when a little Gabriella came running into his arms. “Nate-y! Nate-y you’re finally home! What’d ya bring me, for Chrismiss?” Even Gabby was in her best, with a silky red dress and matching bow, seemed to go perfect with her dark brown curls. “You remembered?” he asked. “Uh-huh!” she smiled a toothy grin, missing few of her bottom teeth. “Well I did keep my promise, but you’ll have to wait till everyone gets to open their presents also, it would only be fair, wouldn’t you think?” “Humph. I guess.” Her bottom lip curled under, as it always did when she was pouting, and her chubby arms embraced his legs, up as high as where she reached. “Where did your other leg go, Nate-y it’s lost, I can’t find it. Ma where did his leg go?” she looked ghastly. Ma looked down at it ashamed as if it was her fault, but sadly and quickly looked away from it. She looked down at her daughter, and tried to hide her tears, but couldn’t. “Just a minute honey, while I can find the words to explain it.” She walked over to Nathan softly whispering toward him, “I got the letter about it, but I never told anyone else, I couldn’t find the courage to say it to her, or Adelaide or Cassie, even Elijah Bobby, I just couldn’t.” She wiped a strand of hair out of her eyes. “I’ll tell them. It’s alright, I can find the words. “
Ma walked over toward Gabby, and kneeled down to her height. “Ma, why are you crying? Will it grow back, like when you cut my hair?” “No, sweetie, when Nathan left, he left to a place called war. That’s where William is, and where your pa died, and went to heaven. But Nathan got shot in his leg, and had to have it off to keep away the pain.” She kissed her on the forehead. “But he is all better now, and is just the same, and we both love him just the same, right?” Gabby nodded with her dark eyes sincere.
“Now let’s eat, everything’s ready- the pancakes too, and my homemade maple syrup, Nate’s favorite, and my homemade sugary molasses, Gabby’s favorite.” She set them on the table and Nathan picked up a warm plate of pancakes, quickly setting it on the table, before it burnt his frozen fingers. They all scooted into seats at the table, almost fully as a family, only missing a few members.
“Thank you,” Nathan replied, getting a fork and plate.
“You’re welcome, it’s a Christmas breakfast, enjoy it.” Nathan began to spoon many pieces of bacon, and a large pile of eggs and pancakes. He couldn’t help it, his stomach was controlling him! This was paradise compared to the mush and hard tack he had.
“Watch your portions, Nathan; you don’t want to get sick on Christmas day. Usually if your stomach is used to a biscuit a day, it won’t be able to hold all what you have on your plate.”
Nathan disappointedly looked down at what he hoped to taste, but he agreed, and scooped some spoonfuls off his plate.
“He was going to eat like a giant!” Gabby giggled. “I see Gabby has expanded her vocabulary,” he smiled. And ma reminded them to bow their heads in prayer. “Dear Lord, we thank you for this delicious meal before us, and for allowing me to come home, and that we will all be able to celebrate this great day of your son’s birth together. Amen.” Afterwards, forks immediately clanked against the porcelain plates, and Nathan started to drown his pancakes in maple syrup. “William and Penny are heading here today also. It will be a great holiday for all of us to enjoy together.”
“I saw William; he didn’t look like himself though.” Nathan mumbled between forkfuls. Ma nodded in a reply looking down at her plate. “Just five months when you left seemed like five years, though without William, it’s seemed like almost forever.”
“Fred, he was a friend I met there, he-“
“I don’t want to hear about it. “ “No, it was something good he-“
“I don’t want to hear about it!”
“He saved my life! And you don’t want to hear about it?”
“Whatever happened there stays there. I don’t care- I only care that you’re here and safe; please don’t mention anything about it!”
“You don’t care that he saved my life! I wouldn’t be here without him! Maybe you can just wave it away and forget about what happened there, but I can’t! Don’t you see that bad memories like those will always be carved in my mind?” Gabby had her sticky hands over her ears, trying to block out the shouting. “I’m sorry, Nathan, I’m sorry. I know I just don’t want to talk about it right now. I shouldn’t be acting like this at Christmas, such a happy day it is!” she picked up her dishes and dropped them in the sink still gazing at them, with watery eyes. “It’s alright ma, I forgive you, we can just forget about it. But aren’t you going to finish your food, you can’t starve yourself!”
“Thank you. Now there are others that love you, and are worrying about you just as much as I am! Why don’t you go surprise them?” she smiled. “I know. May I be excused?” he asked, putting his plate in the sink. “Yes, but be back soon! We do have to open presents you know? And I invited Aunt Ruth, Adelaide, Adam, Alice, Cassie, Alexis, Annabelle, Elijah Bobby and Cassie’s Uncle Carl, Bernadette, and Pa. Hopefully we can all fit in this little house.” She smiled. Nathan kissed Gabby’s forehead and headed outside. He put on a jacket over it and a single boot also. Then he waved and headed outside. He limped on his crutches as they slid on the ice and snow; he was thinking of the past Christmases that he had when he was younger. They had always had the same traditions each Christmas, but it made the wait better; they would wait for their ma’s special homemade apple pie, sugar cookies, and the pancakes, their ma’s piano music was a lullaby to sleep on Christmas Eve night. They’d wake up to find presents under the small, but presentable trees, the few but best gifts in their stockings, the stories their pa told by the crackling fire, singing Christmas carols, devotions, and the birth of Jesus readings. When they were little their pa would sit them on their laps as they sucked on their candy canes, and he would tickle them till they choked on their candy. Without all that, he didn’t know how this Christmas would be; it would be different, but enjoyable.
Nathan walked into Pa’s work room, the place where all his tools and carpentry skills were displayed. Thanks to Elijah Bobby for doing his job, he pulled out a piece of wood from a pile, which was just the right size, and got to work. He found where his pa had kept all his carpentry notes to remember how to fix and build things since he forgot a lot, and flipped to the page he must have wrote after building a cane for the crippled Mr. Brockwell, whom died four years ago. If I have to live with you for the rest of my life, you’re gonna be fancy. He smiled to himself and got to work.
Later
Twenty minutes later, his cane was completed. Nathan’s thumb touched the initials he had carved in it, retracing it over and over, proud of his own splendid handiwork. N. D. P. Nathaniel Daniel Parker, backwards version of his father’s. Why had he been named after his pa, and not William, he was the first son? Below the initials he had carved Pastor Crip. Nathan took out his smooth cane, blowing away the loose sawdust and threw his crutches to the corner, he picked it up twirled it around, and pretended to dance with it.
“You look like an old man!” Adelaide’s voice startled Nathan; he didn’t even feel her presence when she entered! He looked over at her and saw tears, but a smile inconcluded with it also, which was good to see. “Are you taunting my cane?” Nathan showed his childish smirk again, and this time even his dimple showed also. She laughed and ran towards him as he limped on his cane towards her. “You still have that limp?” She asked looking down at his cane. “Better, no pain. Worse, no leg.” He rolled up his britches all the way up to show his stump. Adelaide gasped her hand over her mouth. He rolled it back down, and hugged her with their arms around each other. “You never told me?”
“What’s there to tell? You don’t want to hear about getting shot, and having your leg hacked off.” she dug her blonde curly hair and forehead into his shoulder weeping, and he dug his chin into hers. A tear rolled down his cheek, apprehending that the past two years were the most years he had ever cried in his entire life. The next few minutes they just stood their embracing and shedding tears; it was a long moment of silence. “I missed you,” Adelaide whispered. Nathan just stood there with his eyes closed until he finally opened them and replied, “I missed you too.”
“I thought you were going to come home looking a hundred years old, like Adam did.” She chuckled. “Is he okay?”
“I’m afraid not, and he doesn’t feel well enough to be up for the party, otherwise, I am glad you came home just the same, except you do look a hundred years old with your cane,” she teased. “I sense that William isn’t the same William either.” He looked down at his boots and looked up at Adelaide, and they kissed and the cold weather was immediately forgotten which surrounded them.
“Merry Christmas!” Cassie disrupted running with her long holiday gown hauling behind her. “Addie, you look splendid!” she complimented on her emerald dress. “What do you think?” Cassie twirled around gleefully with the warmth of Christmas cheers, like a cup of steaming hot chocolate. “Beautiful.” She nodded smiling, showing her dimples as well. “Look what the cat dragged in!” she teased in her usual jovial way, fixing her loose strands of hair that dangled out of a royal chignon. Running toward him, she stood on her tiptoes taking out mistletoe and pecked him on the cheek. “It’s so good to see you, Nate! Good gracious! What happened to your other foot?” she asked glancing at his cane, to where his pants laid out with no foot in them. “Shot, then amputated. How are you?” he changed the subject briefly, staring at her teeth tightly closed together in a grimace, with sad eyes. Wanting to be curious as her curious self, she swallowed down her questions, assuming that he didn’t want to talk about it. “I am fine.” She nodded, taking a deep breath, and turned around. “Well, we can move out of this carpenters shed and go somewhere else if you’d like.” Nate suggested. Cassie, pulling her wool jacket tighter over her chest led the way out to the snow. Nathan limped after, and Adelaide followed. Nathan’s cane skidded across the thin slippery ice, and almost fell before they both hurried over to catch him. “I’m okay” he implied with a grin, making them all laugh.
Later
Everyone, excluding Adam, William and Penny due to a late arrival, gathered around their house, crowded but cozy. Even Elijah was there; Mrs. Walden, being nice because of Christmas, let him have a day off. “That’s one well made cane,” Elijah Bobby attributed stroking the cane. “What’s it say?”
“Just my initials. And a nickname I was called from a friend, a fallen soldier.” “I’m glad you back Nate.”
“Thank you; for the work you did. You kept your promise; I understand it was kind of doubling your duty, I ‘m sorry it was a lot of work.”
“No problem. I was happy to, for a good friend.”
Addie sat beside them warming her cold hands from serving some iced tea. “I apologize for not giving you a present. Though I do have this, but you should really accept is as a gift for you from my ma not me. It was a present from my father to her, before they were married. Probably one of the most valuable things he ever bought.” He handed her a necklace that had a small stone of amethyst, it was a beautiful shade of purple. “Then I don’t understand. It would be insane to give it to me! Please, keep it.” She softly pushed his hand away. “She believes that money could never outnumber the price of love. She didn’t want it. She told me she had plenty of memories of him in her heart, not around her neck. She was afraid she would lose it, when she was younger she admired it much more, but after going thru what she went through these past years, she knew you would never misplace it. Please, take it. Merry Christmas.” He handed it to her. “No, you put it on.” She refused. Nathan lifted her curls and clasped the gold necklace around her neck. “Thank you, it really isn’t necessary; you coming back is a good enough Christmas present for me.” She smiled. “Please thank my mother.” he leaned over and kissed her.
“Dinner is ready, everyone can gather around if you would like! I hope there are enough chairs for everyone.” Mrs. Parker shouted placing the food on the Christmas decorated table. Nathan limped over towards a chair and Adelaide sat on one side, Uncle Carl on the other. “Merry Christmas Nathan, my condolences for your leg. It happens.” He shook his hand. “Thank you sir, all the soldiers thought you were dead. “ “Well praise the Lord, I am not!” he smiled plopping sweet corn and apple pie on his plate.
Cassie sat down between her pa and uncle. “Thank you, Mrs. Parker, it all looks delicious.” “You are welcome Miss Morris,” She smiled. Mr. Morris picked up a big butcher knife. Let’s get this amputation done, a doctor picked up a butcher knife toward Nathan’s leg. Nathan quickly blinked the horrifying flashbacks away.
“Let’s get this turkey cut!” Mr. Morris exclaimed. When there was a knock at the door, and there was the sound of footsteps and somebody entered the room. “Merry Christmas everyone!” Penny’s voice chirped like a chickadee.
“William, are you coming? Sorry for interrupting your dinner,” Penny walked over with her belly larger than ever. Mrs. Parker pulled out a chair for her. “Not at all, welcome home!” she cheered. William entered staggering in with a jug of whiskey in his hand. “What the hell is everybody staring at me for?” William shouted with an ignorant voice thundering through the small house. “Will!” Gabby ran over towards him hugging his knees.
“William, don’t talk like that, there are children!” Penny corrected his foolishness. Nathan looked down at his plate, and he, Cassie and Adelaide exchanged worried looks. William staggered thru the kitchen dropping a glass and spilling it all over the floor.
“I am so sorry, I will clean it up!” Penny’s hand trembled as she forced herself to move. “Good gracious no! With those babies about to burst! He is my son; I will clean it up.” Ma pushed Will away. “What is wrong with you?” she whispered though everyone could hear it. “I just came back from hell, that’s what happened!” he shouted. “Stop that, you are drunk! That’s what is wrong. Now please don’t go in there until you promise you will be yourself, and not this drunkard you brought in my house!” she shouted. Everyone sat down, and William didn’t say a word the rest of the day.

Later
Afterwards everyone opened their gifts, and many of them had already left. “A dolly! I am going to name her Natalie, since you gave her for me!” she hugged the rag doll, playing with its black yarn hair. “Goodnight everyone,”
“Goodnight Nate-y!” Gabby replied, still humming the tune of “Joy to the World” from when they sang their Christmas carols after dinner. Ma was up in her room praying over the side of her bed. Nathan hugged Gabby, and trudged to his room to hear Penny faintly crying. The Christian part of him wanted to help, instead the selfish lazy part of him, said it wasn’t his business, and he did his bible readings, said his prayers and went to sleep.

18
More Than Words
January, 1863

Cassie
Papa said he needed to go back to war. “But Papa!” I wailed. “You can’t go. You were wounded!”
“I’m much better, and you can’t decide for me!” he growled. So I backed off. I didn’t want Papa mad at me when we only had a few more days together.
Uncle Carl sent Mrs. Bernadette Rogers on her way. Mrs. Rogers tried to protest, when, the day after Christmas, he told her to pack her bags.
“Mrs. Rogers, you have terrified my nieces, and I want you to leave.” So she left.
On New Years Eve, they had fireworks in town. Papa had gone early that morning, but Uncle Carl took us to downtown Richmond to watch the fireworks. Adelaide, Alice, and Aunt Ruth were there.
“Where’s Adam?” I asked Adelaide, and she said, “He stayed at home. He doesn’t want to hear the fireworks; he said they remind him of the cannons and guns.
The Parkers all came. Addie and I ran over to Nathan and sat with him to watch the fireworks.
I saw Jason in the crowd, and waved him over to sit with us.
“Hey Cassie!” he said running over, wrapping his scarf around his neck. He greeted Addie and Nate, and then sat down next to me.
We were shouting over the fireworks, yelling and screaming to be heard, when we heard, “Hey slave lovers!” behind us.
We turned around, and saw three boys running away, laughing and shouting names at us; awful, ugly names. I was almost crying. Addie, Nate, and Jason comforted me, but I was still crying.
“Why do they do that? Slavery is wrong! Uncle Carl has taught me that, and I am proud to say that I’m a better person because of it. They don’t know what we’re like! They should just shut their mouths!” I was spouting off, running my mouth, and not caring what people around me thought.
After the fireworks, I was leaving, Alexis asleep in my arms, with Addie and Nate walking behind me, when I heard some older ladies talking nearby.
“You know that Cassie Morris? She’s turning out to be just like that uncle of hers.”
“I know! And that boy Nathan, poor boy, got his leg amputated. Fighting for the Union! Humph!”
I felt tears in my eyes. Why were they doing this? Why was everyone in Richmond it seemed against my friends and family? It just wasn’t fair.
“Hey, Cassie, you ok?” Uncle Carl asked, coming up and slinging an arm around my shoulders. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied, pretending that nothing was wrong.
Later
After we got home from the fireworks, we loaded up thee wagon, and went to Washington D.C. Uncle Carl had heard that President Lincoln was going to have a speech on January 1st, and he wanted to go hear it. I wanted to hear what the president had to say too.
We got there late morning, and we gathered where he was going to do it, and Abraham Lincoln stood up, and starting speaking.
It was powerful. What he said made so much sense! Towards the ending, he said,
“And by virtue of the power and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States and parts of States are, and henceforward shall be, free; and that the Executive Government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons.”
Our slaves were free! I didn’t expect to feel that happy, but I did. Uncle Carl was beaming.
We started home as soon as Abraham Lincoln finished. Uncle Carl and I talked about the speech the whole way home.
“How do you think the slaves will react to this?” Annabelle asked softly. I turned around. I hadn’t known Annabelle even listened, much less understood what President Lincoln was saying.
“I don’t know. We’ll have to see when we get home,” Uncle Carl said simply.
We got home hours later, when it was well after dark. We got to the plantation, and we gathered all the slaves inside after we put Annabelle and Alexis to bed, and told them about the Emancipation Proclamation.
Some of them cheered, some of them were silent.
“I am giving you all of the complete freedom to leave,” Uncle Carl said over the cheering. “But I hope that you will stay on, and I will be willing to pay you.”
Then he dismissed the slaves, and we didn’t have any idea what would happen in the morning.
Later
When we woke up, the plantation was deserted. All of the slaves- except Gideon and Lena- had left. They were free, so now they were gone.
“We tried to stop ‘em Masta. We tried to tell ‘em how good you was gonna treat us, and even pay us, but they wasn’t gonna listen. So they all left,” Lena said apologetically. I couldn’t believe that Harriet would leave me. I couldn’t believe that anyone would leave us. It was unbelievable. Uncle Carl looked devastated. I was nearly crying, as I looked around at my empty plantation.

Adelaide
Adelaide was sick of waking up to the same sun. The days itched her until all she wanted to do was scratch. She set aside her cross-stitching and sighed. Ever since Cassie had made a name for herself as a knitter, she had been helping Addie learn how to sew too, but by herself the needle never seemed to work with itself. She told herself as long as she didn’t look at the mess of threads on the other side of the framework she wouldn’t be discouraged. How was she supposed to make the stitches look identical on the front and the back?
“Addie dear?” Ruth stuck her head inside her door, the smell of food wafting in behind her. Adelaide got up off the floor without a word and took the trays of leftover hot dinner from her aunt’s hands. She already knew what to do; she had been doing this for the past week. Ever since Adam came home he hadn’t spoken a word let alone come down and join them at the supper table. Ruth insisted he eat somewhere, so she had Addie set his food at his door.
“Why are there two trays, Aunt Ruth? He barely eats what we give him, why would you waste two helpings on him?” Ruth tried to ignore the irritation in her niece’s voice. “One’s for your sister.”
Adelaide rolled her eyes and closed them for a moment, wondering when the world would end. It had to be soon.
She reopened them and saw Ruth’s creased face that looked older and exhausted with loss of color. She wondered if she looked like that too, for she sure did feel it.
“What’s wrong with Alice? Did she just survive flying cannon fire and is fighting off nightmares or is it just a stomach ache?” she watched Ruth’s sagging face brighten with laughter. “I do believe it’s only a stomachache, hon. So don’t worry about it, I just wanna try to get her to eat is all. She’s in bed.” Addie nodded and headed down the hall. Ruth watched the young girl drag her feet as if she had a ball and chain attached to them. She wished she could erase Adelaide’s sadness and replace it with something happy and filling. She didn’t look like the same bright, young woman that she had grown into here. Now she looked as if she had already withered into an elderly lady, and there was no turning back.
Adelaide paused to take a breath, only to inhale a migraine. She closed her eyes to hold her forehead as she set her brother’s tray on the floor. Suddenly her hands began to shake and she lost balance of Alice’s food, dropping it and crashing to the ground to catch it. She tried her best at saving the beans and corn rolling down the hall, but tears blurred her eyes. Soon two arms grabbed her up by the shoulders and pressed her into a soft bosom. “You forget that. It’s alright, Addie, I know how hard it can be. Don’t worry about a thing…you pretty young thing don’t need to be worrying your face off already! I swear you could match Atlas at carrying the world on your shoulders,” Addie sucked up her tears and wiped them off. “I’m sorry, Ruth…I didn’t mean it. I can do it. And I’ll clean it up.”
“No, you will not.” If Adelaide had enough strength to drop her draw in surprise she would’ve then for fear of her aunt’s firm tone of voice. She did not object. “I can clean that up easy…and don’t worry about your sister; I told you it was only an ache. But you on the other hand, don’t have just any ache. I think you need to see someone.”
“No, please…I don’t need to see a doctor,”
Ruth shook her head at her as if she thought she was being silly.
“Not a doctor…I just said someone. You know they say sometimes love is the best medicine, though I believe it should be always,” she winked and Adelaide bit her lip and nodded, a faint sparkle returning to her eyes. She slowly stepped out of her aunt’s warm embrace and headed downstairs on wobbly legs.
Later
“Addie?”
Adelaide’s knees weakened at the sound of Nathan’s voice, but her heart felt stronger. He stepped out the door and joined her on his front porch.
“Are you alright, Addie? You don’t look too well.”
“That’s what staying inside the house so long can do to you.” He was surprised at the note of heavy seriousness in her words.
“Has it really been that long? And is it that bad there?”
Adelaide shrugged. “Nothing’s how it was before.”
Nate jammed his hands deep in his britches’ pockets and leaned up against the porch post. “Anything new?” He chuckled.
“Everything’s so…so depressing at home. So depressing it almost made me forget you the way Adam and father and everyone have pressed down on my thoughts. I’m sorry.”
Nathan looked up at her after hearing her voice break. She was near-tears, and he reached out to her. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Addie.” He was at a loss of words. He had always known her to be extremely sensitive and had seen her cry many times, but this time it was different. He had never seen her like this.
He squeezed her hand. “You wanna go some place?”
Adelaide could only nod. She followed him across the frosted ground, not sure where they were going but it didn’t matter to her now. She didn’t have to care. She’d be fine as long as she was away from here, and as long as he was with her. She was fine.
Later
Nathan and Adelaide turned at the sound of footsteps behind them. Someone tripped down the hill towards them.
“Hey yall! Whatch’ya doin?” Cassie’s familiar face entered from the woodsy brush. Nathan looked a little bothered by her interrupting presence, but Addie was pleased to see her friend.
“We were just…” Whatever Adelaide was going to say Cassie wasn’t interested.
“Sorry but I really wanted to talk…I had to. And I couldn’t find you guys!” She puffed and joined them cross-legged-Indian-style on the cold creek bank. “We’ve been having problems lately.”
“Who hasn’t?” Nate asked, receiving disproving looks from both girls.
“All of our slaves left. Not that I’m unhappy about that, but now how can we go on? There’s no one to work for us! Uncle Carl says we could lose our house if we don’t find work soon. I think he’s afraid the Union will win and all of our Confederate money will be worthless. But imagine…me working…scrubbing people’s houses on my hands and knees!”
Adelaide wanted to laugh, considering all the work she had been doing at home, but she couldn’t since she understood how fast things were changing for all of them. They couldn’t control anything, and sooner or later would have to put up with what they were handed.
“How’s Adam and Will?” she scanned her friend’s faces that were set tightly. They held back any words.
“Alrighty then…how are yall?”
“I’m fine.” Adelaide lied. Nathan nodded the same.
“When’s Penny gonna hurry up and have her babies? I can’t wait!”
“Penny’s not so sure about having them now. After seeing Will and what all the war’s done she doesn’t want her kids growin up like this.”
“Well it’s not her choice! They gotta come out sometime!” they all laughed at Cassie’s words, and then a moment of peace settled between them. They all were thinking of different things; Nathan wondered how the civil war was gonna ever end, Cassie thought of all the pretty little things she had thrown away for the better, and Adelaide could only think of her family. For a minute they just sat and stared off into a nicer state of mind until a loud crash woke them up. Cassie and Adelaide both grabbed Nathan as they jumped to their feet. A violent crack sounded again, and for a second Nate could only think of cannons.
“Look! It’s the creek!” they all looked, seeing the ice breaking free and flowing down the stream.
“The ice has melted! The water’s broken free!” Cassie and Nathan thought of Adelaide’s funny choice of words and both nodded, watching the once-asleep stream now rushing with rapids again. Indeed, it had broken free.
Later
“Goodnight, Addie!” Cassie called after her. Adelaide let go of Nathan’s hand and turned down her drive. Soon her friends were far down the road, and all she saw were two dark shadows glinting under the moonlight. She slipped her shoes back on that she had taken off earlier, (knowing Ruth would not approve of bare feet) and trotted around the now-so-familiar granite fountain. There was a comforting thought that something had not changed; the statue still spat water into it. Feeling a little reluctant to go back inside the house just yet, she lingered by it and splashed her face in the water. The sound of someone startled her.
“…Old Ruth? Are you sure about that?” A woman croaked.
Another someone spat. “Why wouldn’t you believe it, miss? They’ve always been stuck up bags anyway!”
Adelaide’s heart stopped. She slowly pulled her hands out of the water so not to make a splash and instead gripped onto the fountain wall. She stared into her reflection that stared back at her, sparkling from underneath the starry night. It would have been beautiful if her face in it did not read fear all over. She could only listen.
“So? What else?”
“Don’t you think it some sure ironic quinky-dink that she got people sent down to her from New York? They’s children from up north…”
“They’s just family. Children, Johnny- children!”
“Oh shut up and listen woman, will ya?” the grouchy man’s voice hissed. “Not only that… you remember that man? What’s his name…” he scratched his chin. “Matthew something or other…
“You mean to tell me that gamblin’ boy aint dead?”
“No! That’s just the thing, Gertie! He faked his death! Then he come back and was in her house! Probly’ been snucked’ up there all this time! And you know what else? My boy come from his troop. Said he was a real suspicious character…always shut up to himself thinkin’, and then one night he up and left! My son’s the only one that saw him desert…he got him hanged alright!’
“You mean he came back?”
“Sure did! Aint that suspicious?”
“Oh, I don’t know John…you’re always up to something. But wasn’t he a Confederate?”
“Sure he was…but haven’t you been listenin’? He aint one of us!”
“What do you mean?”
“Well Gertie are you that thick-headed? Do I gotta spell it out to you?”
“Humph! Maybe you do before I actually believe ya!”
The two stranger’s voices lowered until Adelaide had to strain to hear. Though she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Should she be listening at all? She closed her eyes, still wondering how close they were to the house.
“That Matthew man was a spy! Ruth was hidin’ him all this dang time. She think she so smarter than the rest of us…think her wealth can cover up everything. I always wondered what that single woman did in that house all by herself all these years! Well now we got her, Gertie! We sure do!”
Adelaide shivered, and it wasn’t only because of the cold air. She heard footsteps fade from the brush behind her, and then turned to see two shadows leaving under the moonlight. Seeing those strangers leave the same way her friends just had made her swallow hard. It was some time before she remembered she must go inside. Ruth would be angry that she was out past dark. Adelaide wasn’t sure what to do. She quickly sent up a soft prayer. Dear Lord, tell me what to do…help us all! She returned to the safe front porch just how she had left it, on wobbly legs. But this time for a change, she was yearning to be inside the comfort of her home.

Nathan
The next frosty January morning found Nathan languidly lying in bed sleeping as if he was a baby. “Nate-y, Nate-y! Ma needs you, wake up and hurry!” Gabby’s voice was shouting in his ear, throwing the door wide open, letting the warm air from the fireplace drift into his room. The warmth was just making Nathan want to go back to sleep. Gabby, pouting at seeing her yelling method failed, snatched off the quilt and tugged on his arm, yanking him out of his bed. “What?” Nathan mumbled still half asleep. “Penny is having her baby! They need you to get the doctor! Here!” she pulled out a pair of paints throwing them at his foot. Nathan, knowing it was an emergency and not to be reluctant, pulled on his pants and headed out his room. “You’re silly, Nate-y, your hair is a mess.” She giggled.
“Nathan, we need you to get a doctor. The rain is freezing outside, so dress warmly, but make it quick.” Nathan threw on a coat and boots obeying her commands. “Where is William?”

“Forget about William right now, we need to tend to Penny.” She opened the door, as a cold gust of wind followed with it. “He is the father! He needs to be here. Where is he?” Nathan stubbornly shut the door, waiting till he got his answer.

“He’s probably resting, from being sick due to being a pathetic drunk idiot last night!” Ma shouted, and her face read that she was angry and didn’t want to talk about it.

“Are you sure Nathan can get a doctor in time? He only has one leg!” Penny was shouting, and taking quick raspy breaths, it was obvious that she was in deep pain. Nathan grabbed his cane and slammed the door behind him without a word. Ma was right it was pathetic the state William was in, especially at this time. He attempted to run but it was too difficult, so he walked as fast as he could dragging his stub and cane with every step. He started with Mrs. Walden across the street, but disappointingly the doctor was out of town. His pace was getting quicker, the freezing sleet poured down on him causing his skin to shiver and ache from the temperature. Once he got around a busy street he began to hopelessly shout “Is there a doctor around here? We need a doctor, it’s an emergency!” Faces stared at him for a short second but looked away. It seemed as everyone was scattering for shelter. “Please Ma’am, excuse me but-“
“Sorry.” She shrugged and rushed into a building. “Dr. Travis! I am so glad I found you, my sister in-law is having twins, it’s an emergency.” “I am sorry. There are no way my horses and carriage can get to your house in this weather, especially if it’s an emergency. By the way, you don’t have enough money to pay me, if I did. But here, take this, and I hope your family well.” Nathan opened his wet palm to see a coin in his fist. “I don’t need this!” furiously he threw the coin to the damp ground, seeing the doctor had already left. “Thanks!” A group of young boys snatched the coin from the ground, and ran into his cane, causing Nathan to trip and head for the icy ground. “Sorry, my mistake.” The head of the mob, shouted, and the rest of them laughed with him. Nathan grabbed for his cane, cheerfully noticing there was no damage done to it. He had built a successfully sturdy cane.
The young criminals had run off, and Nate had missed his chance to hit them on the head with his cane. The sleet started to rain harder, and his voice became hoarse, no longer able to shout for help. Realizing he was still on the ground, he picked himself up, and began to head back home. There would be no doctor for Penny, and Nathan had failed. He began to slow down, and his clammy body would not stop shaking.
Later
Nathan barged inside the house, and forced his trembling body to set itself by the fireplace. Ma walked into the room, not acting surprised he had brought no doctor with him. “You did what you could, as I did what I could. I helped deliver the babies myself. She is with one of them right now, but the other one…” She seemed to pause and look down to the floor. Once her face caught his she completed the sentence, “didn’t make it.” She wrapped a warm blanket around him, and Nathan realized it was one of the blankets she had knit for the twins. It was blue; the baby boy was the one that didn’t make it. Nathan looked into the orange rising flames, until he found the right words. “I killed him. If I had gotten the doctor in time, it could have had a chance. I killed him.”
“It had nothing to do with you, don’t blame yourself. It’s just a time of death. He will be with the Lord.” She left to the kitchen, and a pitter patter of little footsteps seemed to run into the room. Gabby’s dark curls seemed to bounce right along with her enthusiasm. She jumped right on his lap, “Why are you so down? The baby is here! Guess what?” she didn’t seem to care that Nathan wasn’t enthralled in her question as she was with the answer. “I got to hold her!” She cradled Natalie in her arms, showing Nathan how exactly the precious moment was like. “Aren’t you gonna go see it?” She was too young to understand the meaning of twins-two babies, when she saw a baby; it was good enough for her. “You don’t look too well. Your face is white.” She placed her warm palm on his forehead, pretending to be a doctor. “Gabby, Nathan just has a bad cold; he was outside for a while. Why don’t you leave him a lone for a little while, and let him eat his soup, alright?” she offered, handing him a hot bowl of soup. Gabby didn’t answer she headed to the kitchen and sat down. However, she wasn’t done with her questions. “Where is Will?” “He is just a little sleepy today; he had a bad day yesterday.” Ma replied stroking her hair. A bad day yesterday? I would say a few bad years, the whole time he was in war.
After having his soup, Nathan was reenergized and felt a whole lot better. He knocked on the door, there was no answer, but Nathan welcomed himself in, limped in, and sat down in the rocking chair. He glanced around the room, seeing Penny still hadn’t looked up from her book, and the sleeping baby was bundled in her arms. There was no sign of Will. He missed the Will before the war, the Will that he used to follow everywhere, even with his popular friends that Nathan always wanted to be a part of. They used to do everything together, and now he was married, with a child, and came home drunk, ungrateful, and sick. That was all unlike him. It was as if, he thought going to war, would make him a man but instead it made him the opposite. William was always the one who wanted to be like pa, he followed his footsteps, and he always tried to act so grown up, and then he would forget who he really was.
Nathan looked at the old crack in the wooden bed; still there from when he and Will used to jump on the bed, and dance to there Pa’s guitar and they broke it once, from having too much fun. A woman and an infant, was all too odd to picture in Williams room. “How is the baby?” Penny gasped, and the baby rolled over and yawned, luckily not waking up. “You frightened me, were you in here the whole time?” “Just for a little while.”

“Oh my, I guess I was in a very good point of my book.” Nathan returned the smile. “What’s her name?”
“Marissa. Marissa Lily Parker. I knew William would like it. Lily is short for my mother’s name, Lillian.” “It suits her.” Nathan nodded, peering over at the tiny little babe. “Would you like to hold her?”
“I-, sure.” He held the little warm thing, and it reminded him of when he first held Gabby. “I’m sorry about…him, what name did you both agree on for him?” She sighed a hesitant sigh, and placed her book on William’s desk. “Nate junior.” she smiled. Nathan held tight to Marissa’s fist, “After me? Why not William?” he looked puzzled. “Because you’re a good person to be named after, no matter how much you won’t admit it. William is too, he didn’t want him to be named after him. I guess he didn’t think he was good enough.” She wiped a tear from her eye with a handkerchief. “Nathan, I need you to help me- William, well you know what’s wrong with him. Could you speak to him? You really are good at giving lectures-but helpful ones. You are his brother, you’ve known him longer than I have, I know you can convince him, you convinced me, I have faith you can.” Nathan sat in silence for a few minutes thinking, as he was looking at Marissa. Looking at little babies, always made him forget about everything around him, and make everything peaceful. That was what we all needed. Peace, Love, Kindness, Faith, ok maybe there were more we needed.
“I’ll do it. Can I bring her with? I think he should see his daughter.” Penny nodded and Nathan carefully grasped his cane, and stood up; he stopped for a minute to think, “Where is William?” he asked. “He is in the kitchen,” she chuckled.

Nathan walked over to the kitchen where Will sat at the table slurping soup and looking dazedly at the Daily Richmond Enquirer. Nathan invited himself over pulling out a chair for himself.

“Do you want to hold your daughter?” William looked up amazed at the sight of the infant cradled in Nathan’s arms, and William reached out, as Nathan tenderly placed her in his arms. “Her names Marissa, Marissa Lily Parker.” William smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

“Are you feeling better?” Nathan asked. “I’m okay, how about you?” Nathan nodded in reply.

“I know you have come to lecture me, and I know I did wrong last night, but you have to forgive me, I was drunk, didn’t know what I was doing.” “I wasn’t here to talk about that, you missed your daughter being born, you-“
“I know! And where is Nate Junior?” he asked. “He didn’t make it, I killed him-“
“You did not Nathan! Don’t even say that!” Penny shouted from the other room.
“Maybe if I had gotten a doctor in time,-“
“Its ok, I forgive you, sometimes it happens.” William replied looking at Marissa. “She has Penny’s eyes, and my nose, my mouth and hair.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, can’t you try to go back to normal, and don’t you see you have been blessed? You have a whole family and life set before you just beginning, you can’t ruin it!”
William stroked his fingers through his brown curly hair. “And then I will have to leave them, I will have to go back, or I will be hanged. It’s like I am chained there, and stuck forever.”
“But at least leave them in a happy spirit.”
“You don’t know what its like to be there for three years, you were there for five months. You don’t know what it is like to see your friends, your own father being shot or blown away, or even your own brother’s leg shot off!” Nathan looked into William’s face, he was growing a moustache and a small beard, he looked dirty and worn out, but behind it he was still William. “I have been there long enough to see most of that. And I know, we love America, we want us all to unite in freedom together, but is that all? Is that all we are fighting for?” William stared in confusion and then looked at Marissa again. “I hope it will be a better place, by the time she grows up. I’m sorry Nathan. I apologize, can we go back to being brothers, and forget everything else, that stopped it?” “Don’t apologize to me, I have already forgiven you and forgotten it. Apologize to your wife, and ma, and The Lord.” William smiled that young smile, which he hadn’t shown in a while, and Nate felt better, he shook his hand and walked over to talk to Penny.

Later
Nathan, William and Elijah Bobby were all sitting out on the frosty grass just talking about mostly the war, and Abraham Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation. William was polishing his rifle, and just looking at it made Nathan feel he was still in his Union uniform.
“That’s one nice rifle; may I have a look at it?” Elijah Bobby leaned closer for a better look.

“No! What do you think you are doing? I’ll shoot you if you touch me and James!”

“Settle down, I ain’t gonna do nothing, I was just gonna see it!”

“Will put the gun down, this is your brother Nate, not James.” William kept on repeating the same sentences over and over; it was almost as if he was having a seizure.

“Stop it Will! I mean it! You’re dreaming, you’re having an allusion, Elijah Bobby isn’t harming you!” Nathan was fighting trying to pry the gun out of his hands. William loaded the gun, “Stop it!” Nathan screamed, but it wasn’t heard; instead a loud gunshot went off and a bullet shot right towards Elijah Bobby. His brown skin seemed to turn red, and the blood was soaking through his skin. “What was that? We heard a gunshot! Oh Lordy! Gabby, go back inside!” Gabby ran in, and ma and Penny, just stood there, not knowing what to do. “What did you do that for? You idiot, you shot him, you shot him!” Nathan pushed William, and was about to punch him when Penny cried “Nathan back away, he has a gun in his hands, leave him be, it wasn’t his fault he was having flashbacks.” Nathan laid his head on Elijah Bobby to hear his heart beating, there was nothing. “No, you can’t be dead, you are my best friend, you are going to be free, and find you family and your real home, just like I promised, my brother couldn’t have just killed you, he couldn’t, tell me he didn’t. “ Nathan kept on pumping Elijah’s limp body, trying to get him to breathe, but nothing happened. Adelaide, Aunt Ruth, and Cassie even Mrs. Walden began to surround his dead body, as Nathan stood there leaning over him crying, and he never stopped. Till Adelaide put her arms around him, “Nathan, you gotta leave him,” she picked him up. Nathan’s whole body was shaking and he felt sick again. “What am I gonna do now? I have to find myself another slave; he was the hardest working slave I ever knew. “
Mrs. Walden pathetically wept. “He was more than just a slave." Nathan limped to the shed and began to build a nice coffin for him, though it was hard the wood kept on getting wet from his tears, he couldn’t stop thinking of what they used to talk about and laugh about.
When he finally got it done, he put Elijah Bobby in it, feeling sick to his stomach seeing his bloody body when an hour ago he was alive. He hammered the lid shut, and everyone gathered around placing flowers around, as Nathan and William buried him right beside Nate jr. and Pa, two deaths in one day was too much for him. He felt happy that there were a good amount of people there for him. Nathan spoke up “He was a good man. No matter what happened to him he still had a grateful spirit. He always had hope for freedom, even when there seemed there was none. He loved me as a brother, and we were brothers. Driven out of his small poor home, away from his family, he was bought to do others work and nothing else. But he never complained, didn’t mind what color he was, how poor he really was, he was thankful for what he had and not wanting what he knew he couldn’t have. It was something we all needed to learn.” After all that speech he realized something, Elijah wasn’t a Christian. He couldn’t read the Bible, Nathan never spoke about it, or read it to him, he never could go to church, and whenever Nathan spoke about heaven he called it nonsense. Nathan didn’t know what to think, but he couldn’t imagine that he was in hell, he didn’t deserve that. He deserved freedom just as white people were, just like they fought and promised for.
William was shut in his room with a whiskey in his hand, and blame in his heart. Nathan didn’t know what to do now, all of this was unexpected. He sat beside Elijah’s grave the whole time, praying and talking to him; just as he did when he was alive, except there was no response. Today was a time of death.

19
Growing Up

Cassie
I sat up in an apple tree, eating an apple and reading a book. It was peaceful. I didn’t want to go inside to my empty house and remind myself that none of the slaves and servants were there.
“Cassie! Cassie? Where are ya’ darlin?” Lena called.
“Up here!” I called back. “Come on down missy Cassie. Your uncle wants to talk to ya.”
I trudged inside behind Lena, and went to the study where Uncle Carl was. “Cassie, Annabelle is sick. Very sick.”
“What! How is she sick!? She was fine this morning!”
“I don’t know. But she was having the milk and cookies that Lena fixed for her, and she fell to the floor. The doctor is on his way.”
“I have to see her! Let me go see her!” but before Uncle Carl said a word, I was out the study door and in Annabelle’s room. She was lying in her bed. Her forehead was red and sweaty.
“Oh, Annabelle,” I whispered. “How did this happen?” Uncle Carl came in with the doctor. “Come on Cassie,” Uncle Carl said. “Let’s give the doctor some room.” I moved out into the hallway with my uncle. I gritted my teeth. “If anything happens to her,” I said between clenched teeth. “I’ve already lost too much Uncle Carl. First Mama, then Ellen, then I thought you were gone. And all the slaves, and knowing Papa could get hurt any minute. It’s not fair.”
“I know, I know,” Uncle Carl said, smoothing my hair back. “Nothing is going to happen to Annabelle.”
“Do you promise?” I asked. “Yes, I promise,” Uncle Carl said, soothingly.
The doctor came out, and said, “Annabelle has the measles. We could lose her in a matter of hours.”
“The measles can come up that quickly?” Uncle Carl asked. “She’s probably been sick a few days, and she wasn’t feeling bad until today.”
I swallowed hard. The doctor said that Annabelle had been sick for a few days? We hadn’t been anywhere, but Alexis or I could’ve caught it. “I’m going to go ahead and check all of you. Had anyone been to visit lately? Or have you visited anyone?” I gulped. I had been with Adelaide and Nathan just a few days ago. What if they got sick and died? It would be all my fault.
The doctor checked me, and said, “You don’t have the measles. You must have had them before, because this is a severe case, and you would have caught it for sure. But has the baby had it?” I shook my head. “Alexis has never had it, I’m sure of it.”
The doctor checked Alexis quickly. He shook his head. “This one has it too,” he said gravely. “You mustn’t let anyone see them.”
“What about me?” Uncle Carl asked. “May I see them?”
“Have you had the measles?” Uncle Carl hung his head. “No, I haven’t.”
“Then no, you can’t see them. Only you, Cassie, has permission to tend to the little girls.” I nodded. This was a big deal. I would be in charge of my sisters until they were better. And I couldn’t let anybody into their room. “Put Alexis in Annabelle’s room, and don’t let them out of the room, and don’t let anybody in the room. I’ll be back to check on them in the morning.” The doctor left and I immediately moved Alexis into Annabelle’s room.
I was up all night the girls. And right before dawn, Annabelle breathed her last breath. I sat, staring at my little sister. She was stone cold, and white in the face. I couldn’t believe it. Uncle Carl had promised that Annabelle would not die. I knew from the beginning that I couldn’t believe Uncle Carl when the doctor said we could lose her within hours. But I wanted to believe Uncle Carl. I wanted to believe him very much. But I couldn’t.
Later
The funeral was held on a windy, rainy morning. I couldn’t believe it as they lifted my sister into the ground. My mother had died, then my step- mother, then I thought Uncle Carl was dead, and not Annabelle.
Alexis had gotten better soon, and was now in Uncle Carl’s arms, staring at the small coffin. She didn’t know what was happening. Otherwise, she would have been crying her heart out, because she and Annabelle were best friends.
After the funeral, Addie and Nathan came up and hugged me. Addie was crying. I wanted to cry, but my eyes were dry. I hadn’t cried at all since Annabelle’s life had been taken by a disease. I guess I just didn’t believe it yet. I just didn’t want to believe that Annabelle was dead.

Adelaide
Adelaide would not give up. She kept on knocking.
“Alice…you have to come out! If you don’t eat you’re going to get sick and…” she stopped herself, remembering she shouldn’t say some things. Her little sister did not just have a stomach ache. She had been in her room since the day before Elijah Bobby was killed. Adelaide bit her lip. So many things she thought seemed impossible in her world had happened…so soon and so unexpected. Alice did remember Adam before the war, and that was the problem. She knew something was wrong with him now but didn’t understand, so she shut herself up too, just like him. That only caused more problems for Addie.
Then one of her best friends, Annabelle, had died and Alice didn’t attend the funeral. She wouldn’t believe them when they tried to tell her that her little friend wouldn’t live next-door anymore. Adelaide and Ruth did not know what to do. Ruth had never been a mother and believed she was never meant to be one, so some things she didn’t try to understand about children. Adelaide all too soon had to deal with things her parents or older brother normally would take care of. She was having to be independent and act as a mother. But she wasn’t ready. At least not ready for things like this; Adam and Alice drifting from her side, parents dead and both her friends struggling enough so they couldn’t offer much help. Sometimes when Adelaide was feeling really down before she crawled in bed at night she would pray, oh Lord can’t you help? I’m only fifteen! Then she would immediately ask for forgiveness for such self-pity.
“Alsy? Don’t you miss me? I know you miss Adam and papa but if you won’t come out soon you’ll have to miss me and Aunt Ruth too,”
There was no sound. Adelaide sighed and turned away. She had already given up on Adam; she did not want to lose her sister. The thoughts pushed down on her as she walked away from her sister’s door.
“Ruth? Do you think we should get a doctor?”
Aunt Ruth rose from her parlor seat and took her niece’s hand. “Hon, I think we should just leave it up to the Lord. Doctors have been rather busy lately.” That got Addie thinking of Elijah. Doctors were no good for some things.
“Do you mind if I go out? My friends need me,”
Ruth shook her head as she ducked out the front door. “As long as you don’t forget your siblings need you too,” she called after her.
Later
“I thought I’d find you here,” Cassie swung around, startled at her best friend’s voice. She was kneeling at little Annabelle’s grave with a bouquet of daffodils in her hand. She laid them down; the bright yellow flowers looking so out of place against the gray headstone.
“I’m sorry, Cassie,”
“Oh it’s alright…you didn’t disturb me,”
“No- I meant I’m sorry about your sister.”
Cassie quickly turned away, and Adelaide pretended not to notice her friend’s tears she did not want to shed in public. Addie knelt down beside her.
“My brother and sister aren’t talking, so in a way I’m just as lonely as you are,”
“At least you have someone you can cry to.” Anger flashed in Cassie’s eyes, and though Adelaide tried she could not ignore that.
“You mean Nathan? Oh Cassie, it’s not like that. That doesn’t matter…we’re still lonely every once in a while. The three of us are still so far away from each other though we’re so close.”
“I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know how to deal with all this…I hate him for this!” Adelaide rubbed her friend’s back as tears streamed down her face. “Who do you hate, Cass?”
Cassie’s voice was hoarse and shaky, but her words came out loud and clear. “I hate God.”
Adelaide winced but pulled her friend in to her so that Cassie could cry into her shoulders. She sobbed so hard Adelaide thought she would forget to breathe. At times like these, the times that had happened so often for them all, there was nothing to say that could soothe any pain. But Adelaide found some words that were close enough.
“Cass? You do have someone you can cry to…and I’m crying with you.”
Later
Adelaide found Nathan down at the now rushing creek. The water ran deep blue, and would not return crystal clear until the summer dawned. He was standing at the bank with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and didn’t see her join his side because his thoughts were somewhere else. She slowly reached out and took hold of his hand. Nathan turned to her. “Oh Addie! I didn’t see you…”
“You didn’t have to. I know you’ve had things on your mind. I just want to be here.”
“Well I need you to be here.”
Adelaide let go of his hand and sat down on the ground. Nathan grabbed a few stones and skipped them across the stream.
“Nathan…can we not talk about the ones that have separated everyone from thinking straight? Elijah, Annabelle, Adam, Will and the baby…I don’t mean to be selfish, but I’m so tired of it.” Nathan nodded and tossed his last stone.
“I wish we could let the dead rest in peace, and bring the living back to life! Because I feel just as dead as… them,” Nathan looked at her strangely and sat down beside her slowly, being careful with his leg.
“But I think it’s impossible. Nobody’s letting go just yet. I think it’s because no one wants to,”
Nathan stared sideways at the girl sitting beside him, except she did not seem so much as a girl anymore. She felt different next to him, and he felt out of place. It wasn’t Addie talking any longer. Not the helpless, confused and lost Addie he had known. She was stronger and surer of herself…older. He wondered if she thought the same thing looking at him.
Adelaide felt Nathan’s gaze but no longer felt uncomfortable with it. She leaned into him. “Nathan…when this war started and things slowly began to change I wanted to go home. All my hope centered around that one place and time where we were once a family. But now as I’ve changed along with my world I think I’ve lost sight of things like that. I know better that I’ll always have my family; that some things cannot be helped and we must let them be. And I’ve grown comfortable with my new place and I don’t need to go home anymore. Home is not about a roof you lived under. It’s the people you made memories with and changed with. Most of that’s happened here, with yall. And now while I think about it, if I had the choice to go back I don’t think I would. I want to be here; with Aunt Ruth and you and Cass and…this creek!” she laughed and found a rock to throw in the water. The rock echoed her laughter with a loud kerplunk! and a splash.
“I’m glad you’re not leaving anytime soon, Addie. You know I love you.” Nathan wrapped an arm around her waist. “I love you too,”
“I’m surprised you’ll still have me after what happened,” he looked away and Adelaide knew he meant his leg. “The truth is I’d marry you right now if we weren’t too young.”
Adelaide smiled and reached up and clung to his collar. “And I’d marry you too…and I will; two legs or one.” She kissed him, and something in that kiss was just as different as she was. Nathan kissed her back. Sensing the shift in the air between them, Adelaide pulled away from him, the first time ever feeling afraid with Nathan beside her. She lay back on the grass to look up at the clouds.
“It’s hard to believe when I tell myself I’m fifteen now. I feel so much older. I’ve learned to just take the cards I’m dealt and play them, but so many of the cards I’ve been handed have been unlucky ones. I haven’t even been through the seventh primer yet when I should be in the ninth at least! When school starts up again we’ll all have so much catching up to do,”
Nathan watched her from where he sat; he wasn’t really listening to what she was saying. He couldn’t help himself from always wanting her. She was the only thing that took him away from his pain.
“Nate?” Adelaide turned to him and noticed the look in his eyes. “Nathan…I need you to listen to me. I have to tell you something that I haven’t told anyone yet…I’ve been too afraid and I wasn’t sure what I should do. I know you can help.”
He lay down beside her and squinted up at the sun that shone down on his face. “What?”
Adelaide’s voice turned to a whisper. “That day you and Cassie and I hung down here- well that night before I went in the house I heard something. I heard two people talking…at first I thought it was yall but they were so close, and the voices were just so ugly. They were talking about Ruth and our house and Matthew…they think we’re spies.”
Nathan sat up suddenly, his expression gone serious. “That’s what you heard? Are you sure?”
“Yes; I’m sure. I didn’t tell anyone…not even Ruth. I was so scared!” She sat up and buried herself in his strong side. He held her tight. “Do you remember the voices?”
“I’ll always remember them…they haunt me at night. But is it really that serious? Can what they say hurt us?”
Nathan wanted to say no and tell her it was probably nothing and they’d be fine. But he couldn’t make himself lie to her.
“I don’t know Addie, but I do know it could get dangerous if those two are capable of spreading rumors. People here…especially when you live in the capitol of the confederacy… don’t like suspiciousness. They think they can take the war into their own hands. All I know is that at a time like this, neighbors are judging each other. You should be careful. Did you recognize either of the voices?”
“No. I haven’t lived here long enough to know many of the townspeople. I do know one was a man’s, and he sounded sort of funny…real southern and uneducated like. The other’s was an older woman’s. But what should I do Nate?”
Nate sighed. “Don’t tell anyone what you heard. And to protect Ruth and your family I think it’s best not to tell them either. I’ll keep an eye out, but promise me you won’t spend too much time in town.” Adelaide nodded. She rarely ever went to town, and lately she had barely gone out of her house. Nathan squeezed her hand and then tried to kiss her again when a noise in the brush startled them. Addie almost whimpered, thinking of the intruders in her front yard on that cold night.
“Nate? Is that you?” Nathan turned around to see his mother coming down the hill. “It’s getting late and it’s almost dark…I was worried about you.” Nathan quickly let go of Addie and jumped to his feet. “I’m right here, mama.” He knew not to press her further because lately she had been worrying over everything. He helped Adelaide up off the ground.
“I’m sorry Miss Parker, for keeping him,” After hearing his mother’s voice on the verge of cracking she felt an apology was needed. “I’ll go home now. Bye Nathan,”
“I can walk you home, Addie,” She waved him off with a shake of her head, but his eyes caught hers. He was afraid for her safety. But he turned to see his mother’s eyes and knew she needed him more. He watched Addie go, and Adelaide watched him stay.
She knew she was capable of walking home herself. But she also knew she would rather walk with Nathan now. And it scared her when she thought to herself she’d walk anywhere with him. Adelaide saw her house up ahead and swallowed. Looking at it gave her a great sense of loss and also one of overwhelming strength. Seeing it didn’t make her a different person, just a grown up one.

Nathan
“William it wasn’t your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself.” Nathan glanced over at his dismal brother staring into his whiskey jug, as if it was hiding his faults from his face.
“Oh, now you are going to tell me that I didn’t kill him. Then who was it Nate? Some ghost? A ghost who just shot him, with the same exact bullets in my rifle. I know you are trying to convince yourself that he isn’t dead, but he is.”
“No, I am sorry for acting like I did before I was just-“”You had every right to! I would have done the same thing if you had killed one of my friends.” William had finally looked up from his whiskey and slid it over across the table towards Nathan. Nathan slid it back. Maybe his words were true, but they had caused him to lose his words also and he didn’t know how to continue.
“You’re heading back to battle soon, how are you going to manage like this? Can’t you see you’re acting pathetic? Every minute with your whiskey in your hand, you have cradled it more than Marissa and she is your baby! One word can explain your feelings, guilt. We have already forgiven you, but it wasn’t you who did it. It was some other enraged man, who was having hallucinations and didn’t know what he was doing. You still have a wife and baby and they still love you.”
“Maybe so, but now people will be dodging me when I walk by, they think I am some mad killer who is gonna start killing everyone else also.”
Nathan looked at his brother with sad eyes, how could so much have changed in a few days? Situations like this, he would usually let it all out and just talk with Elijah Bobby, but he couldn’t. He picked up the whiskey, peered into it, and set it back down, refusing it. How can a drink erase your problems? It was sad, but some actually believed it did. Some like William knew it couldn’t, but still did it, just hoping one day it would amazingly happen. It was like Nathan when he was younger, Isaac used to pretend to present him magic, and Nathan knew it wouldn’t work, but still he hoped that it would. It was a confusing thought, although reality.
“Though you know you won’t, and that is all that matters. Just forget about what others think, and move on, soon they might just understand, or maybe we all wish they would.”
William shot up, as if he had just thought up a bright idea, and he headed to talk to Penny. Nathan, hoping he helped him, took the whiskey and drank one sip, then threw it with the rest of his stashed bottles, with the trash. He wished that could work for the past years, throwing all the sins, temptations, and grief away with the rest of it and forget them, but there was a way it could. Forgiveness; the Lord forgives and forgets.
Later
It seemed a fairytale, but it wasn’t. It was a miracle, and it happened. William had forgiven Penny, Mrs. Walden, and cradled Marissa more often. Instantly, he was his old self again, he had a long prayer, and came back with a smile. Unfortunately the time came, when he had to go back to the war. He finished playing one last game of checkers with Nathan, and was ready to say goodbye.
Ma and Penny wiped their tears, handing him Marissa for one last goodbye kiss. Hopefully it wouldn’t be the last. Nathan didn’t like that word, hopefully. “You should stay a few more days here. Heading for a train right away can wait.” Penny nodded in agreement, and William kissed her. “I love you.” “I know. And we love you.” She smiled cradling Marissa back in her tender arms. Ma and Nate hugged him again, and he was gone. Maybe it wasn’t right to ponder about, but Nathan was happy he wasn’t heading behind him.
More days passed, and Penny was gone on the train with baby Marissa Lily also. Now the home was back to normal. Quiet, peaceful, and lonely. Everything seemed jovial, but nothing was perfect.
Nate leaned his cane against the grave of Elijah’s, his leg embracing the dewy moist ground. His thoughts kept on thinking back to the moment Elijah was shot, and he was trying to stop remembering the horrifying moment. He pretended Elijah was in heaven, but he never could be sure. Nate heard footsteps from behind and the ground crunching beneath they’re feet, but he didn’t bother to see who it was. The person sat beside him, glancing at the ground, but Nathan still didn’t look over, he waited until whom the person was spoke up. It was foggy, and maybe it was from the smoke from nearby battles, he couldn’t see what was beyond the trees amongst him.
“Nathan, I need to talk to you. Do you mind? I know this is not the time, but it is urgent of what I am imposing of you. We don’t have any money left. Every penny has been spent and the money your pa left for William was wasted on gambling. I-I, I know so many tough decisions, and events had happened, and caused a burden upon you, but I need your advice. The man of the house would make this decision, and obviously, I am speechless about it, all I have is you. I know it’s hard, but we need to move from our home. Nathan?” He continued to look away, but he heard every word, and wished he could pretend he didn’t. Ma placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Do we have anything to sell?”
“No, Nathan. Nothing that would give us as much as we need. We will be driven from our home.” She began to crumble in tears.
“I don’t want to leave; your pa would be disappointed of what has needed to be done. Gabby would be too young to understand, and I cannot tell her to leave; she loves this house.”
“I cannot believe he would waste that money on gambling! That was pa’s money, our money, not his!” Nathan pounded his cane which dug a whole in the ground from exasperating anger.
“We have nothing left. We need shelter, food…money.” Ma whispered, almost like her voice was dying with her hope.
“I could get a job,”
“Nathan we need money now!” ma demanded.
“We could go to the refugee asylum; it’s the only choice we have left, it might not be the best, but it has shelter and food. I could find a job for the money. I know carpentry skills I might be able to use them.” “I guess it is the only choice we have left. Thank you Nathan.” Nathan didn’t feel right, now he was leaving their home? To where the homeless people lived. Nathan knew they were poor, but he never imagined them broke. He got up slowly and headed back home following her from behind.
“Ma, why are we leaving? I don’t want to go!” Gabby whined.
“Just pick one thing to bring with, and that’s all.” Nathan informed, and Gabby obeyed, still not sure what was going on, but she knew when to keep her mouth shut. “I am keeping Natalie.” She embraced the doll. Nathan looked around in his room, what was there to keep? He had pictures, but why did he need these? He asked himself picking them up from the heap of dust. He could remember them in his heart. He picked up Pa’s bible and his carpentry notes, and took only them with. What about their clothes, would they have to live in the pair they had on forever? Nathan tugged himself away from his meaningless thoughts. As if instantly answering his useless thought, “I hid two other dresses for Gabby, one dress for me, and I put a shirt and pants in here for you. I am sorry, that’s all that can fit.” She rummaged through their kitchen, placing the foods in the basket that they had left with a few blankets. This was mostly a tin of crackers and other dry foods. Ma clenched Gabby’s hand, and looked around the house for the last time. She dropped Gabby’s hand for a minute to wipe a few tears. Nathan glanced around also, reminiscing over all the memories this home had collected. Then they walked on out. Gabby rushed to the house hugging the eggshell white walls. Nathan limped towards the trees to relieve himself hoping they had bathrooms there. Staring at the tree he realized that not only would he be leaving his home, but the whole neighborhood, and everyone in it. He had been blessed to be here, and he hated the thought of leaving the tree right beside him, or the bubbling creek heard amongst the woody area, or Cassie, Addie, and Elijah Bobby. He loved them all and the thought made him want to fall upon his knees bawl like Marissa, and block the door of their home, to not let anyone else in it. But the foolish thought vanished once he heard voices. “Shh! be quiet! I think I hear someone!” “Stop telling me to hush!” Southern voices spying on them didn’t seem to bother him, since they were going to leave. But the thought of having them harm anyone here, he wondered if they were the same voices Adelaide had heard. He didn’t want them to harm her, but he wouldn’t be there to protect anyone. He would miss everyone, but they would thoughtfully come and visit. The word would get around that the poor Parker family soon didn’t have enough money to pay for their empty house.
“Could we get a room? There are only three of us.” “You’ll have to fit in. Maybe that room over there.” The lady pointed at a heavy door and Nathan opened it to see hundreds of dirty faces gazing upon him coughing sickly. She showed them the one empty bed left. It was thin and flimsy. Nathan already missed his old one, but he couldn’t complain. “I’ll sleep on the floor. I’ll probably be gone most of the time anyways.” Ma begged to protest, but agreed when he placed a large quilt on the floor. “Sorry,” Nathan pulled the blanket away from another person lying on the floor. This room was awfully crowded and smelly. Ma placed Gabby on the bed with her, and they began to munch on crackers. The whole room was quiet when Gabby began to sing a lullaby to her doll. “We’ll be fine, go to sleep, Natalie. He’ll protect us; He’ll be near so please go to sleep.” Nathan sat down uncomfortably on the dirty floor where his bed sat. “You have finally joined us.” Nathan peered over to see Isaac smiling at him. “Where is your sister?” Nate questioned.
“Dead.” He replied hoarsely coughing nonstop.
“Do you know where I can find some work? Perhaps something involving carpentry?” Nate inquired. Isaac looked as if he wanted to tease Nathan for asking, but he quickly looked seriously, noting that it wasn’t good to joke with a person in poverty. “I’ll tell you if you’ll let me read this.” He offered pointing to the Bible. “Of course.” “There is a place down the road maybe-four buildings down. You won’t miss it.” “Thank you. Do you work anywhere?”
“Nope. I’ve got the same illness sissy had. I’ll I have left to do is sit and die. Only thing I need is this.” He picked up the Bible flipping it to a random page, and already dove into it, not looking up. Nathan looked sadly at his old friend, but picked himself up with his cane, and headed for his chance.
The old sign read Carpentry Repairs & Furnishings.
“Sir, Is there a chance I can work here? I have a lot of experience in carpentry, my father was a fine one also, and I use his notes here. They’re of good use.” The man flipped few a through pages, and slowly turned around holding out a hand to shake.
“Mr. Arnie.” Nathan shook it. “Uh-uh. Huh. Your father, Daniel Parker. You a Parker boy? That name is familiar, heard he was a fine woodwork man. Built of skill. I assume you inherited his skills.” He looked at him, nodding, and paused at his cane. “What happened there?” “An incident. I was injured in war.”
“Can you work with that? I am not sure if I have an extra space for you here. We really aren’t needing of one right now.” “I’ll be fine.” “May I see this?” He grabbed the cane, and Nathan immediately tried to hold himself steady leaning on a table as he stroked its structure; admiring its woodwork. “Who built this?” Mr.Arnie ran his rough fingers through his beard anxious for the answer.
“I did, Sir.” Nathan stumbled. “What is your name?”
“Nathan Parker, sir.”
“Its Mr. Arnie, we might be able to fit you in here. This skill cannot be wasted.” He smiled.
They spoke of business matters, and Nathan would actually have money for his family soon, he was immediately sent at work. It was a wonderful day, and it turned out to not be such a bad one. Yeah, he had to leave his home due to no money and his brothers gambling mistakes, but he could now be able to make up for it. He had a job, and something of that made him feel older, more mature.

Chapter 20
Losing

Cassie
I sat back and watched Lena play the piano. She could make such beautiful music come out of it. And she was going to teach me. “Lena, how did you learn to play like that?” Uncle Carl asked. Lena smiled sheepishly. “I just pick out tunes; it’s real easy Massa.” I smiled for what felt like the first time in a couple of weeks. Or, ever since Annabelle died.
Lena finished the song with Uncle Carl, Gideon and I clapping. She blushed. “Ah, shucks, it don’t take nothin’.”
“Can you start teaching me right now?”
“Sure baby girl,” Lena said, letting me slide in beside her. “The first song I’m gonna teach ya is ‘Amazing Grace’.” I sighed. “No, Lena,” I said shaking my head hard. “I’m not learning any song about grace, when God doesn’t have any.”
Lena gasped. “I can’t believe you just said that missy Cassie. God is amazing, and He is full of grace!” Lena still looked shocked at me. “You, missy Cassie, your faith was so strong. You are the last person in the world that I imagined would say that.” I shook my head again. “Lena, how can I believe that God is merciful and amazing if He made my sister die?” I asked.
“Ah, missy Cassie. God didn’t make that happen; He allowed it to. She wouldn’t have died, or even gotten sick if sin hadn’t entered the world. But it did, baby girl, and we gotta deal with it. We have to deal with what happens, such as Miss Annabelle dying. But believe me, girl, I wanted to be angry with God too, because I loved Annabelle more than life; I loved her as if she were my own. But I didn’t get angry, because God always makes good things come out of the bad ones.”
“How can something good come out of Annabelle dying?” I asked furiously. Lena’s face softened. “Well, one thing is that I’m gettin to share the stuff I know about the Bible with you, baby girl.” I bit my lip. I was being taught about God by a slave!
“Will you let me teach you ‘Amazing Grace’?” I thought about it. “Yes, I would love to learn how to play “Amazing Grace” on the piano.”
Later
I sat by the creek, watching the water rapidly rush by. I was thinking about a lot of things. It wasn’t God’s fault that Annabelle had died; sure, He had allowed it to happen, but I didn’t blame Him anymore.
“Hey, Cassie, I thought I would find you here,” Uncle Carl said from behind me. I turned to see Alexis high up in his strong arms. “Will you watch Alexis? I’m running into town, and Lena and Gideon are planting.”
“You’re making Lena plant?” I asked, shocked that my uncle would make a female slave plant crops.
“Cassie, we have no one else. I’ll help when I get back.” I nodded as he lowered Alexis into my lap. I kissed my sister’s cheek as Uncle Carl’s footsteps faded away. Alexis seemed mesmerized by the rushing water. She must have been deep in thought, because she turned her head and asked, “Is Annabelle in heaven with Jesus?” I didn’t know how to answer that. I knew that I had accepted Christ when I was nine, but I had no idea if Annabelle had asked Jesus into her heart. But I couldn’t say that I wasn’t sure. Alexis was only three. She wouldn’t understand.
“Yes, darling. Annabelle is up in heaven with Jesus.” She seemed satisfied with that, because she turned back around, and watched the water. A few minutes later, she asked me another question. “When I die, will I go live with Jesus?” I smiled sweetly down at her. “Yes Lexie, if you want to be friends with Jesus.” She grinned. “I do want to be friends with Jesus! I don’t have any other friends.”
“What are you talking about? Gabby and Alice are your best friends.”
“That’s not right. I never see them anymore. And Annabelle was my bestest friend. But now she’s gone too.”
“Oh, Lexie,” I said soothingly, stroking Alexis’s silky hair. I hadn’t realized that my baby sister was feeling sad about Annabelle. I had assumed that she was just too young to understand. “It’s ok. I’ll be your friend,” I said to Alexis. I remembered having a conversation about friends with Annabelle not too long ago. “In fact,” I said tickling Alexis’s sides. “I’ll be your bestest friend, if that’s what you want.”
“Oh, it is! Be my bestest friend Cassie, please!” she squealed, obviously excited. “OK, I’ll be your best friend ever.”
Later
I was playing dolls with Alexis in the parlor, when Lena brought Jason in. “Jason!” I said, standing up and brushing off my skirt.
“Hey Cassie. How are ya doing?” I shrugged. “As well as I can, I guess.” He nodded. “Good,” he said quietly.
“Cassie, come play dolls,” Alexis whined. “Coming Lexie,” I said, smoothing her hair, which was the thing I did to calm her down.
Jason smiled at Alexis. “Please, don’t let me interrupt your game.” Alexis frowned. “Excuse sir, but this isn’t a game,” she said in a very serious voice. “We’re playing dolls. That’s not a game.” Jason held up his hands. “I’m sorry. Go back to playing dolls, don’t let me stop you.” I grinned my thanks at him as I sat back down with Alexis. We played dolls for a few minutes, but I felt uncomfortable doing it around Jason. “Alright, Alexis, I think that’s enough. Go put your dolls up, please,” I said gently. Alexis agreed, and ran off with her dolls in her arms. Jason and I smiled after her.
“She seems to be doing well,” he said after a long silence. “Yeah, I guess,” I said softly.
“I better be going,” Jason said. “So soon?” I asked, hoping he would stay longer. I needed a friend. I was spending all my time with a three year old these days, and Addie rarely came over, so I had no one to talk to.
“Yeah, but I’ll be back, I promise,” Jason said. I hung my head, sad that he was leaving. I felt strong fingers underneath my chin. His hand pulled my head up. I just had to look in his eyes. “Cassie,” he said softly. “Don’t ever get down. Please. If you give up hope, then you won’t survive.”
And then he was gone.
I had no idea what he had just said. My friend hadn’t made any sense. But that didn’t matter. I just hoped he came back soon.

Adelaide
“I cannot believe you found it!”
“And I cannot believe I ever forgot where it was, dear. My mind feels so old,” Ruth clutched her forehead.
“Don’t we all!” Adelaide exclaimed, taking the key from her aunt’s hands. “I’ll talk to her, but I’m afraid it won’t change anything.”
“Don’t think like that hon. We’ve been patient enough but I think it’s time we stepped in. You’re the best person for that. You’re her sister.”
Adelaide got up from the pantry floor and headed to the stairs. She turned back first with a last thought. “Does this open Adam’s door too?”
Ruth nodded. “It opens all the upstairs rooms in this house. But Addie…I’m not so sure about your brother. Maybe you should wait til he comes out himself.” Adelaide nodded but knew she had waited long enough for Adam. She walked up to the second floor and paused at Alice’s door. She decided against knocking and unlocked it slowly. Peering in she saw something that brought tears to her eyes. Alice was kneeling by her bed with her eyes closed and her head bowed. Her hands were folded on her bedspread and clutching to an old photo of their family Adelaide did not remember keeping. She kept her body in the hall and peered in so as not to disturb her sister. She listened to her soft, squeaky voice.
“…and don’t let Adam die in his room. He is sad and lonely and he don’t understand we all are. I miss him, and he’s just down the hall! Please try not to let anymore people die. Bless Aunt Ruth and Addie for being so good to me when I’m so unhappy. Life isn’t much fun for any of us now cus all our friends are gone poor, sick, dead, working, crying…it is all so sad and you are the only one that can make us happy Jesus. So please don’t cry. Even though Addie says I don’t remember you mama, I know you were happy. Could you let us be too? And Jesus could you let papa be my guardian angel for a while? He didn’t get much time to be a papa but he can still take care of me. I’m sorry I am afraid to go outside and see more sad people. Please Jesus, don’t let the war take our hearts. All I ask is we‘ll still have them when it’s over. Amen.”
Adelaide quietly stepped inside her room but not quietly enough. Alice looked her way. “How did you get in?” was all she asked.
“With this!” Addie held up the silver key. They had never had locks and keys at their house in New York so Alice had never seen one before. Adelaide let her hold it and she studied it while she picked up the photograph to look at it. “Where did you get this?” Adelaide asked. Alice didn’t answer. She was far more intrigued with the key. Adelaide let the photo flutter to the floor.
“I’m sorry that I had to come in here but you wouldn’t come out and Aunt Ruth was getting worried. So was I.”
“Why you didn’t have to be worried,” she sounded so funny Addie wanted to laugh at her.
“Not worry? You wouldn’t eat and that’s not healthy for a four year old.”
“But I was fasting. Annabelle told me bout it once cus she said her Uncle Carl used to do that when he was angry. She said all you gotta do is pray. That’s all you do- pray and pray. I thought of Annabelle and wanted to do it for her. Then I thought everyone could use a little prayer so I prayed some more for mama and papa and Adam and Elijah and that baby…”
Adelaide wanted to grab Alice up in her arms and kiss her. So she did. “All this time you’ve been praying? You could’ve told me and I could’ve helped.”
“I didn’t want you too. You help too much. I didn’t want you to care about me and worry bout me like you do. I wanted to grow up and help out myself like you.”
“Oh Alsy you’ve helped enough and I’ve worried enough. I’ll try my best to be happy. I guess you’re right though; it’s awfully sad that these days people gotta try to be happy.” Alice let out a little giggle.
“So you’re not mad at me?”
“No. I’m fine and so are you. That’s all that matters.”
“What about Adam? Does he matter anymore?”
“Of course, Alsy. He matters. But…”
“My praying didn’t help? He still won’t come out!”
Adelaide saw the pout on her little sister’s cute face and felt sorry. She had an idea.
“Why don’t we find out? This key can open a lot more things than you think…”
“Can I try to unlock something?”
“Sure, I’ll show you how it works. Maybe we can try Adam’s door.” Adelaide tickled Alice til she wiggled off the bed. She stepped on the family photo and reached down to pick it up. She looked at it for a moment and then gently placed it back on the bed. She turned to Adelaide with a new serious expression in her eyes.
“You said this key can open up lots,” she said turning it over in her hands. “Do you think it can open Adam’s heart again?”
Addie sighed. “Oh Alsy, I think there’s an easier way to get to him than with a silver key.”
“Like what?” Little Alice looked up at her taller sister with curiosity. Adelaide didn’t answer. She grabbed her sister’s hand and held on as she led her out of the room and down the hall.
Later
Alice carefully unlocked Adam’s door, as if she was afraid what would be behind it. To tell the truth, Adelaide was afraid too. She was not sure what she should say to her brother anymore, because he was so unlike her brother.
Almost too soon the door was open and they were standing in a room; the same room it had been when they had arrived here. Except this time the floor was littered with newspapers and empty bottles, and was unswept with pipe tobacco messing the cherry wood underneath their feet. It took a moment for Adelaide’s eyes to leave the mess and notice Adam sitting on his bed in the corner. He knew they were standing in his room uninvited but if he cared at all he did not show it. He just stared. Adelaide swallowed hard when she saw that the bed he sat upon was perfectly made; too perfect for it to be the work of his hands. Somehow this told her and she knew, he had been sleeping on the floor. Maybe against his will; mayhap every night he read the paper searching for news of his troop or any signs of the war coming to an end, and drank and smoked til he drank himself to sleep, and just lay on the floor all night long. She closed her eyes, wishing this was not the case.
Alice squeezed her hand tight and Adelaide knew she must say something.
“It’s time you come out,” was the only thing she could think to say. Adam didn’t budge. If she didn’t see his chest heaving slowly she would’ve thought him dead the way he seemed so lifeless. This only made her angry and want to speak more. Speaking her mind was not as hard as she thought would be.
“You’ve been in here for seventeen days; trust me, I’ve counted. And still you’ve gained nothing from it so you might as well give up!” Adelaide stopped herself. She thought of all the times Adam had taken care of them whenever papa had been gone out at the tavern. That was so usual she had taken him for granted. She thought of all the encouragement he had given her when she was scared for papa, and how he gave so much more than papa ever could. She had never been scared for her brother. She didn’t think of him often until he up and left to trade his life in for a rifle and hell. And now here he was, and here she was, finally her time to help him out. And she could not give him as much as he had her; she was even scared of him. Scared of her own brother! She was telling him the exact opposite he would tell her those lonely nights in New York…don’t give up hope, Addie. I’m here for you. Always will.
Adelaide couldn’t look at him any longer. She felt Alsy’s fingers slip out from her hold and tears blurred her eyes. She tried to concentrate on something else in the room that could hold her together, but all she kept seeing was the mess on the floor. She didn’t feel Alsy beside her anymore. She couldn’t even see Adam in front of her. She threw up her hands and brought them to her face to cover her shame. She shook her head angrily, wishing someone would reach out and slap her. For a moment she felt pa there, and he did slap her. She had only imagined it but she remembered it so vividly she could feel the sting in her cheeks. Adelaide stumbled blindly forward into Adam’s bed frame and grabbed him tight. “Adam I’m so sorry! Forgive me… please forgive me! I said I didn’t care you went to that war and died, but I did! I was just so angry at myself for everything…I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking of you, and others. Back in New York I didn’t think of you as much as I should’ve…all the work you did to keep us all together! You kept your promise cus you were always there for me, but I didn’t! I didn’t give a hoot bout anyone but myself! You deserve more than this…these headlines and alcohol and tobacco to help you get through another day…I should’ve been there for you! I never once thanked you, Adam, and-
“Adelaide, you don’t need to thank me for being your brother.”
His words stopped her midsentence. They were the first words he had spoken since she had seen him for nine months, and they were spoken to her. Adelaide finally lifted her chin to look up into his eyes. They were gray. The same gray eyes he had had since he was born. Somehow that was comforting to her.
“All those things I did, I did just because I had to. I was your brother. And I still am.”
That was all she needed to hear. She let go of him but Adam pulled her back and hugged her tight. He wiped the tears off her face but failed to notice the ones rolling down his own cheeks. “I should be the one saying I’m sorry, Addie. I’m sorry to all of you, cus I didn’t keep my promise. I haven’t been there for yall every minute I should’ve.”
“It’s alright, Adam. You still could only be my brother; you could only do your best to play that part and nothing else.”
“Adelaide you are so grown up already. I missed you growing up…because I wasn’t there you managed on your own. You don’t need my help anymore. You’re a woman.”
Adelaide shook her head, not wanting to believe him. She wanted to always need him.
“Just know what I am now is not your fault. I’m drinking not because of something you’ve done to me, Adelaide. And no matter the angry words or the distance that’s come between us I cannot hate you. I understand you too much, and you’re my sister. That’s all you need to be.” Adelaide nodded and watched her brother’s gaze scan around his room. “Most things change and some things never will. Some things won’t ever go back to the way you want them…the way you miss them. I can’t go back being the same boy you want me to be, Adelaide. But I’ll always be here. I’ll always be.”
Adelaide saw the four walls that seemed to trap him in, the closed window that let no light in, and the littered sad mess on the floor. From his nicely-made bed to the dead-count headlines on his papers, she knew he was right. She backed away and watched Alsy jump into her brother’s arms. She slowly backed for the door and knew, yes, he would always be here.

Nathan
Nathan glanced around the industrious room, once unfamiliar, but now all of the faces and objects in the room were all familiar. It was odd how that worked. He wiped his clammy hand on the dirty denim material of his pants. His whole body was sweating profusely but he loved doing this. It may have seemed crazy to others, but this is what he loved, building things and fixing, he always wanted to do what his pa did. And now he could.
Nathan heard footsteps behind him; he figured it was Mr. Arnie checking on his job. “Nathan, you are doing very well on that chair, it looks great. But you may take a break if you would like. Go outside and get some cool air, you have visitors waiting.
“Thank you, sir.” Nathan set down his tools on his work spot neatly and headed out the door. His shirt showed a large pool of sweat, from the heat of the tools. His cane pushed the noisy door, opening it for him, to two figures of familiar girls. His mind wondered which two friends would he see- two friends who had been with him, and would agree with everything he said or two friends that would try to turn his thoughts around, and disagree with him, or feel sympathy.
“Hello, Nathan,” Cassie and Adelaide smiled sweetly. By that he guessed the second one. “Hello Addie, Cassie,” he nodded. He leaned his damp body against the building. His nose scented a delectable smell, and that made him realize how extremely hungry he was. As if she read his mind, “We brought you some food,” Cassie set a warm basket, and Nathan peered in it seeing a large sandwich with meat, hot rolls, and some of Aunt Ruth’s famous oatmeal cookies. “There is also some tea,” Nathan pulled out a cup of cold tea, and even though he never really liked tea, he gulped it all down in one sip. “Thank you, very much, all of you who did this. You really did-“
Nathan stopped himself from saying “you really didn’t have to,” because they did, they were his friends and everyone had noticed that he was getting really thinner, the asylums food wasn’t helping. “Do you mind?” Nathan asked. “No, go right ahead, we already ate.” He picked up his sandwich and started to chomp it down slowly, trying to savor it, but greedily. Cassie attempted to find words, but Adelaide found them first. “I’m sorry,” she cleared her throat.
“What are you apologizing for?” he asked with food still in his mouth. “For everything, Nathan. All this stuff that happened to you you didn’t deserve, you’ve gone through the worst out of all of us; lost so many loved ones, a leg, and now you’re here.”
Nathan looked around at the woodwork place. “I like it here, there is nothing you need to apologize for,” he replied.
“But you have to live at that dreadful asylum place, and none of us, well meaning Cassie and I, have to work for our family to survive; only you do, but you are doing a great job of it.” She looked down at her feet.
“You don’t have to apologize for anything. You think you did this, you made me get here?”
“No! I am sorry, oh; I just can’t seem to stop saying that. I don’t know, Nathan, but you are my friend, a good friend, and without you our neighborhood is, tedious!” she chuckled after she put that word in, instead of boring. “It seems you don’t need a primer,” Nathan smiled. He finished his sandwich, and started to nibble on a delicious hot biscuit. Cassie was quiet the whole time, but no one seemed to bother that. “Life is tedious now, are home is empty, no slaves, and lonely, no Annabelle, and I can’t seem to find anything to do any longer, besides, nothing!” Cassie finally spoke. But nobody could help her; they had no words of advice, perhaps they all agreed. “I thank you both for visiting, please come more often!” He smiled, and another worker came out smoking his pipe, and eyeing Nathan’s food. “And next time, bring more of these, it would mean a lot to the others.” He smiled digging more into the basket, he handed the man a roll, and he smiled showing no teeth. “Thank ye,” his voice rumbled a loud thick southern accent.
“We will,” Cassie and Addie grinned.
“I think I better go back to work,” his eyes found more customers going inside. Nathan hugged Cassie, and kissed Adelaide before they left. And her tender hands began to find his grimy face. Cassie began to head back. Addie turned around, “There is a time for grieving; you don’t have to hide it,” she smiled and walked on home.
Nathan gobbled up an oatmeal cookie, but remembered to save the rest for his family. He limped on back inside to see a small crowd talking to Mr. Arnie. “Nathan Parker! Just the man I need! This pretty lady would like you to build her a table. Its gonna be pretty big, because she holds a lot of people in her house for her job. I trust you to make it perfect!” Mr. Arnie had Nathan meet the lady and Nathan realized who she was. She was Ms Jane, who helped in charity for the soldiers. He looked at the lengths of the table, and guessed she must be wealthy! 20’ by 8’ was a huge table!
“Hello Miss Jane,” “Hello Mister Parker, I recognize you, I delivered a letter to your brother didn’t I?” she looked at him searching for the answer. “I hope you did!” he teased and she laughed at that.
“She needs no more than two days, but I can trust you.”
Nathan nodded and he began to start. First, he finished the chair he was almost done with and decided to whittle a design in it; he started with a rose and its petals floating in the air, and finished with designs of swirls surrounding amongst it. He was satisfied with the finished touch. “Wow! Are you already done with that chair? It looks magnificent! Did you carve that design yourself?”
“Yes, sir.” He nodded. “Let me take that from you.” Before Nathan handed it to him, he whittled in small letters, which read NP.
Mr. Arnie, so flushed with pleasure sat in it to try it out, and brought it over with the rest. Nathan laughed to himself and decided to start on the table. He sawed and sawed and sawed the wood, to the right measurements. He wasn’t able to finish the whole thing today, but he had in mind what design he would put in for this one. It definitely had to be something special, she helped others, and deserved something just as magnificent. He waved to all his friends and headed back to the asylum.
He hadn’t noticed before how late and dark it was when he headed outside, and how tired he was. Nathan stopped when he heard loud shouts, when he got closer; he found a whole mob riot. Nathan hid beneath a tree to find out what it all was about. The shouts weren’t actually words, just noises; but with each noise followed a punch, and someone was being beaten with a large stick, that at first he had mistaken for a rifle. A part of him wanted to help stop, but how could he help- they would beat him down just as much. Finally they stopped, and there were moans of pain; almost familiar. And the voice sounded so young. They shoved him on the ground, lit torches, and began to talk among each other.
“Come on! Let’s go burn down those traders! They should get what they deserve! Our town is not for traders to live! We should all be united, and graceful and helpful in the same way! To our confederate soldiers!” there were loud agreeing shouts afterwards and they headed on. Nathan had a bad feeling about this. He limped over towards the man, when his heart almost stopped. He knew who this was. “Isaac, what happened?” He looked down at a pale and limp bloody body.
“I was just trying to stop them, stop them from doing the same thing they did to my home. They might make the same mistake.”
“Where are they going?”
“Pretty much everywhere, but they’ll do the same thing to you if you get in their way. I knew I was going to die soon, but I didn’t expect it this way.” Nathan began to tremble, and he bent down and hugged Isaac tight, until he realized Isaac was gone. Gone. Nathan didn’t want to leave him in the streets but suddenly a dreadful thought hit him. How dumb could I be? Those voices! The voices Addie heard! No, not Addie. Nathan limped as fast as he could in anger, following the torches light. Images of faces appeared in his head; Addie’s mom, Cassie’s mom, Nathan’s pa, William, Adam, Nathan’s leg, Annabelle, Elijah Bobby, Nate Junior, and now Isaac. All the loved ones he lost, or almost did. He suddenly realized how many he lost and what Adelaide had told him “There is a time for grieving; you don’t have to hide it.”
Nathan’s eye vision began to get blurry, and he fell on his knees when he found his yard. His house was in flames; chunks of it were falling and all the memories in it were burning away and catching on the trees. Nathan looked at the grass below him and kneeled there, crying nonstop, and shaking. He looked across the street to see Cassie’s house in flames too, and Addie’s. He cried more. He didn’t want Addie or Cassie to join those images. He gathered himself off the grass trembling; he ran for Cassie’s house down the street. “CASSIE GET EVERYONE OUT! NOW! HURRY!” he shouted as loud as he could, but his voice still whimpered and quivered. Others began to look out windows, and come outside to see what the commotion was about, but then back headed inside. Didn’t even try to help. He heard movement, and began to run farther down to Addie’s. The tree he climbed up to see her before was on fire. The smoke everywhere caused him to lose his breath, and he could hardly breathe. “ADDIE!!! GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!!!! EVERYONE!! HURRY!!”

21
Up In Smoke

Cassie
It was early evening when I heard the shouts outside. I looked out the dining room window. People were coming towards the house with torches. “Uncle Carl,” I called out nervously. I was scared. These people were coming very close to the house. Too close.
Uncle Carl came running into the dining room where I was setting the table for supper.
“Cassie, what’s the matter?” But before I could answer my uncle, there were big bangs on the front door.
“Open up you traitors!”
“Show your faces cowards!” There were a lot more shouts and yells, and some swearing too, but Uncle Carl and I had already moved chairs in front of the door. Gideon and Lena came running in with Alexis between them. “What is all the shouting about? Who is it?” Gideon asked. Lena and Alexis went to look out the window. “They’re trying to get in!” Lena said in shock.
I was terrified. “What if they get in and burn our house down?” I asked, leaning against Uncle Carl. Alexis’s eyes opened really wide. “Are we gonna get hurt?” but before I could answer my sister, I smelled smoke. “Um, Uncle Carl?” I said. He looked up. “Yes Cassie?” he was bent towards Alexis, and trying to make her feel better.
“I smell smoke.” Gideon and Lena were sniffing then air as well. “Yes sir, it’s true. I smell smoke too.” Uncle Carl turned pale. “Everybody out!” he shouted. “Save nothing, only yourselves!” I grabbed Alexis and ran for the back door. Gideon, Lena, and Uncle Carl were already unlocking it and trying to get out. Alexis was crying. “Shh, baby, shh,” I soothed. “You have to be quiet, alright?” She looked at me with her big eyes and nodded.
Lena, Alexis and I followed Uncle Carl and Gideon silently out of our house. I looked back only once to see my house on fire. It was the most terrifying sight I had ever seen.
“They will probably come after us, so we need to go away,” Uncle Carl said. We had a small patch of woods beyond our house, so we followed Uncle Carl there.
We heard the screams as we ran away from the house. Screams of people being burned. Please, Lord, I thought, keep Adelaide and her family safe. And of course, keep Nathan’s family safe. And Jason… keep Jason safe. I had never prayed so hard in my life. I wanted everyone to be okay. And I meant everyone.
“Wait!” Alexis screamed. “I need my picture of Annabelle!” she jumped from my arms and ran out of the woods. “Alexis!” Lena and I screeched at the same time. Lena tried to run after her, but Gideon grabbed her. But before Uncle Carl could grab me, I sprinted out of the woods after my little sister.
Later
I was running as hard as I could, but I could not find Alexis. My heart was pounding. What if she had gotten caught up in the mob of angry people? Or, had somehow she made it back into the house, and was being burned at this second.
“Alexis! Where are you!?” What if my sister had gotten caught up in the screaming people running away from there burning houses? What if… what if… it’s all I could think.
I ran to our house. It was burning from the eaves, but now it had spread through the whole house. I didn’t want to go in the house, but if it was the only way to save Alexis, then I was willing to die. I would not have both my little sisters die and leave me all alone.
Before I thought one more thought about it, I darted inside. But before I did, I heard someone’s voice carrying through the smoke. It was Nathan shouting for Adelaide and me. I wanted to go to him, and beg him to help me find Alexis. But I didn’t. I couldn’t waste time.
He can help Addie, I thought. But she’s probably long gone from her house anyway… unless… she was trapped inside her house! I gulped. I couldn’t afford to think that way. I would just have to trust that God would take care of her. And Nathan. And Alexis.
I ran inside that house ignoring Nathan’s calls through the dense smoke. It was burning up in my house. I couldn’t breathe through all the smoke flames. “Help, God, please help me,” I croaked. Suddenly I felt a hand grab my shoulder and drag me out of the house. “Cassie! Are you okay!?” I opened my eyes to see Uncle Carl standing over me. “Uncle Carl? Where am I?”
“Cassie, we’re back in the woods. Why did you go back in the house?”
“Because!” I said sitting up in a rush. I put a hand to my head. I felt all dizzy.
“Cassie, lay back down.” I struggled to sit up. “I was trying to find Alexis! You know that!” Uncle Carl smiled weakly.
“I know, but I had already gotten Alexis. She was hiding in the bushes. You must have passed her.” I looked over, to where Alexis was sleeping happily in Lena’s lap. I leaned back against Uncle Carl. I was exhausted and defeated, and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Adelaide
Adelaide was tucking Alice in for the night when she heard him. The ugly voice of that man she had heard before on such a night as this. At first she thought she was imagining it again, and she turned around to check her little sister’s closet before heading out of the room. She double-checked all the shadows in the hall, until she forced herself to stop being so silly. Just breathe, Adelaide; breathe and remember how everything’s fine now. Adam’s talking and Alice and Ruth are happy with me…there is no need to be alarmed.
Then it was again. The man’s voice was close, but not close enough to be inside. Suddenly a cry came from Ruth in the den. Adelaide rushed down the stairs to see her aunt peering out from behind the heavy drapery. Before Adelaide could ask, Ruth let go of the curtain and turned to her niece with a tight look set across her face. It didn’t take long before Adelaide could recognize that look, the thing that stretched her aunt’s skin in every place on her face. She had seen it all too much. It was fear.
“Adelaide, go wake your brother.”
‘Why, Ruth? What’s wrong?”
Aunt Ruth waved her off and stood in front of the window as if she didn’t want her to see. “Tell Adam I need him. Now.”
“Please Ruth…tell me what’s wrong!” the fear was something contagious, already rising in Adelaide’s own voice.
Ruth just shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t know at all.”
Adelaide sprinted back up the steps in her night slip and banged on her brother’s door. Slowly a face peered behind it.
“What’s the matter Addie? Shouldn’t you be asleep?”
“Yes, but we need you. Something’s wrong outside.” Adelaide didn’t have to say more. A loud crash sounded from downstairs, of glass shattering into the den. Voices were louder, and there was a scream from Ruth.
Adam jumped past his sister, nearly knocking Adelaide to the ground. He was leaping to the stair case, tripping over his own feet.
“Wait!!” was all Adelaide could think to scream out after him. She didn’t know if it was safe.
By the time Adam made it to the banister, Adelaide could barely see him any longer. Black smoke was billowing up the stairs and soon it was pushing against her; a searing wind that pressed against her lungs til she was so shocked it was too hard to breathe. Adelaide threw herself to the floor and crawled across the hall blindly, heading in what she hoped to be the direction of Alice’s room. Adelaide no longer heard Ruth or saw Adam, but she couldn’t think much.
I’m melting, she thought, I’m going to melt into this floor before I ever get the time to make it back…
She heard a loud call that sounded muffled and far away but floated up to her through the heavy clouds of ash. “Addie! Get everyone out of the house…” the voice droned off, but Adelaide could recognize it. Nathan, she thought again, oh Nathan I need you now! Then Adelaide realized she was sitting on the floor, spending too much time thinking and crying. Her tears stung her hot face and it took too much strength to get back on her hands and knees again. But she had to. And Nathan had reminded her she needed the strength. “Oh Lord save us!” she called out, not sure anymore to whom she wanted to hear it, and crawled faster to a door. She pushed it open, and for a moment a whoosh of cool air hit her. It felt good but made her heart stop. She knew this was Alice’s room.
“Alsy? Alsy…come out now! I need you Alsy…please show your face!” Adelaide felt like she was begging. The room was black and quickly becoming blacker. She scrambled to the closet and found nothing. She yelled some more and couldn’t even hear her own shouts. For just a moment Adelaide felt like she knew the feeling of drowning. She imagined this had to feel somewhat-similar; the way you were too heavy to move and when you did you couldn’t feel anything but the force pushing against you. I’m swimming…swimming in smoke. Against the current…I must find you, Alsy; I must…
Then she heard a soft chanting. She slid underneath Alsy’s bed and found her; a tiny helpless girl curled up under there. Alice was clutching something tightly and praying, praying hard.
“Alice! We gotta get out!” Adelaide curled into her sister’s side beside her. She thought in any second she’d suffocate; there was barely any room for the both of them underneath the bed. But it was cool still, and Alsy’s soothing voice praying to God over and over made Adelaide want to sit and let everything be. Let them melt together.
Tears streamed down the both of their faces as Adelaide tried to join her prayers out loud. She couldn’t. She didn’t have the faith that her four-year-old sister had. And she suddenly had the feeling she’d never get the chance to have it.
Adelaide felt a cold weight glued to her neck, and reached for it. She felt the familiar smooth-stoned chain and Nathan’s hands that had put it there. She promised she’d wear it forever, and she had. Was this it? Would they both die and she could never be with her loved ones again? Could Heaven be any better than that? She remembered when the three of them; Cassie, Nathan and her had thought up there own heavens. She remembered Nathan saying “Everyone I loved would be in my piece of Heaven,” he had said. Adelaide squeezed her eyes shut. All her thoughts whirled at her and squeezed at her sides tighter than the flaming smoke around them. It had only been a moment but it felt like forever. The last thing Adelaide remembered thinking was, if that’s true Nathan, than you’ll be in my Heaven, and then everything went blacker then it could ever be before.
Later
The next thing she knew someone was dragging her out from under the bed. He grabbed Alice first, and soon disappeared back into the smoke after ordering her to “stay here and hang on”. Adelaide could only nod and sat in the far corner of the room, trying as best she could to do as he said. The smoke was becoming impossible now, and the pressure hurt her to hang on. Though it was the only place she could go.
Adelaide squinted and noticed a paper was still underneath the bed, along with something else. Her hand quickly flew to her neck- the necklace was gone! She dashed back to the bed but the blankets and wood frame had now caught fire, and the flames whipped before her uncontrollably. She had to get them…the paper that Alsy had been clutching for dear life was all they had of their family. The family photo. And Nathan’s precious necklace as a gift to her…an expensive one she swore to never lose. And now she had! And she was watching the both of them burn.
Adelaide knew she had to do something. She also knew no one was supposed to care of the things that came down with the house; as long as you saved yourself that was all that mattered. But she thought of pa and ma before everything had gone haywire – and felt she needed them. She needed them to remind her of her place, where she had came from and what she had been a part of. She jumped over to the bed and then saw her beautiful necklace, glittering in the hot light on the floor. The clasp was broken. She felt so stupid considering a choice such as this at a time like this but then again- what did stupid mean to her suffocating in a room of flames?
She heard someone coming back up the stairs and finally decided. She reached for the photo and fell to the floor. Adam instantly picked her up and she held on to his neck so tight she thought she’d strangle him before he’d be able to burn.
Suddenly he let go of her and pushed her to the window, saying something she couldn’t hear. Smoke came out of his moving lips, but no words.
Adelaide felt dizzy as the flames licked at her heels. Adam coughed out orders. “We gotta go out the window! The stairs will collapse any second! Get Addie! Now!”
She was too scared to move. Adam was the only one that seemed clear headed and focused on getting out alive. He pushed her out on to the ledge. “Jump! It’s all bushes below! Don’t look down just close your eyes and let go!”
Adelaide shook her head at her brother, her eyes filled with tears.
“Adam…what about you? What about…
Adam placed his blackened hands over her sweaty ones that were clinging to the windowsill, holding all her weight in the air.
“Don’t worry bout anything now! Addie…”He looked into her eyes. “…Addie you gotta do this now, or none of us will make it! You understand? It’s not far…now just let go!” Adelaide closed her eyes from him. She knew letting go meant letting go of everything she had lived in and for and learned to live with here, in Richmond. Adam pried her hands off the sill and ignored her scream. He dropped her and climbed out next.
Adelaide fell through a cloud of smoke and she could feel the cooler air rising below her. She saw the ground so close, and fell through the sky until she hit the ground with a hard slap of dirt on her back. She struggled to her feet and backed off, running to the woods. Soon Adam was running behind her. She let out a prayer, “Lord only you could save us…thank you.”
She paused to look over her shoulder just in time to watch her house collapse into fiery rubble. Her home…their home; everything that taught her to love. She shook the feeling off and concentrated on the clear path ahead. Down at the creek Adam and Alice were waiting for her. They had made it safe. They were the ones that had taught her to love, not the mansion she had grown in. It was the ones she had grown with, and there they were alive. That was all that mattered. She uncrumpled the photo she had rescued in her pocket and looked at it with a teary smile. Trembling, she ripped it in half and let it fall to the scorched grass. Just breathe…Adelaide thought. Just breathe.

Nathan
“We are gathered here today in mourning for our greatly beloved Ruth Martha Thomas, killed on the day January 14th, but will be forever remembered in our hearts. She was a dear aunt, a caretaker, a giver, and a great part of our social society. She wished to help every dear one in need, and all of her loved ones, will sympathize this time. Some of you did not know what was going on that night, but there has been great prejudice in our town and this is an exact example at how tragic it can get. We all must learn to love one another. To love thy neighbor.” Adelaide was leaning into Nathan crying and sniffling. This moment was known too well for Nathan. It was almost as everyone and everything was dying. But something about that last sentence the preacher had spoken; it looked as if his eyes caught Nathan’s right when he said, “To love thy neighbor.” Was it meant on a purpose? He looked around the dark crowd, all were his neighbors, and he was to love them.
“I’m sorry Addie; I wish I could have stopped it. Before we left to the asylum, I heard those same voices also, but I didn’t bother to prevent anything. I was too busy mourning for myself.”
“Stop saying that Nathan, you always blame yourself for situations similar to these, what’s done is done.” Adelaide’s voice sounded like it was trapped with her tears. Nathan looked up at the dark clouds to see that they blended in with the mood.
“Where are you going to stay now?” He asked.
“I am not sure, right now; I don’t want to think about it.”
“You could come with us, to the asylum; Cassie too.”
“I don’t know Nate.”
“It may be uncomfortable for you and Cassie since your upper class…when it comes to money, but it will be suitable til the war ends.”
“We are not upper class!”
“I am sure Ruth left you enough money in her will to have your own place to stay. Just forget I ever asked. “
Nathan trudged his boots through the muddy water, the rain slanted in a direction where the buoyant water dodged right off his back. “No, Nate! Please I didn’t mean it that way. I just don’t know. Adam would have to make the decision, and he needs a job also. But I would rather be anywhere with you than a lone in our own place.” Nate smiled.
“What is in her will is not any of my business. But I can help Adam find a job. Is he any good at carpentry?”
“Almost every piece of furniture in our home at New York was made by him.” Nathan looked surprised. “Well, then it won’t be any problem, he can fit in, with the rest of us.”
“Thank you,” she picked up her damp black dress, and rushed over to inform her brother and Cassie on the good news.
Later
“Mr. Arnie, this is Adam Whitson. Adam, this is Mr. Arnie. Adam is interested in working here. He has had carpentry experience.”
They shook hands. “Well, Adam. I think I can fit you in here too. Welcome aboard!” he laughed with his belly.
Nathan showed him around, and then got to finishing Miss Jane’s table. All he had left was the design, which he had all planned out. He started to whittle in a fawn bending over to eat from the dewy grass. He wasn’t an artist, but he could try his best.

“Mister Parker, Miss Jane is here to see her table.” Nathan nodded and led them to where his finished work was. “Oh, my goodness! It is perfect, absolutely perfect. I didn’t imagine myself ever saying this about a table, but Nathan, you deserve these compliments and you are a fine carpenter!” Nathan smiled, and they began to pick it up and deliver it to her house.
Adam and Nathan had finished their day of work and were headed to there new place to stay for now.
“This place is horrible. I already miss home.” Cassie complained. Nathan looked around after her remark. “It will be fine for now, Cass.” Adelaide tucked in Alice and Alexis in a bed, where somehow Cassie and Addie were to sleep in also. “Thud, Thud, Thud.” His cane thumped a steady beat with his heart. The noise echoed throughout the whole room, louder and louder. “Nate-y. Please stop that, I am trying to go to sleep!” Gabby yawned, and snuggled close to her mother.
“Nate, I am sorry, that I didn’t keep my promise to you. I left the necklace to burn. Your mother must think I am crazy. And it was your gift to me.” Adelaide’s hands were close to her neck clenching an invisible necklace where the other one used to hang.
“It doesn’t matter, Addie. That was not what we were worrying about. It was a miracle enough that most everyone came out safe. That is what matters.” Nathan wrapped a quilt around him, lying on the floor as if he was in a cocoon. Uncle Carl and Adam had to join him on the floor also.
“Yall must think I am ignorant to complain after what just happened.”
“Cassie get some sleep. You need it.” Uncle Carl pleaded after rolling over.
Thoughts again tightened his mind, pushing him to share them with others, but he left the burden with himself.
How long would they be staying here? When would the war end?
That was when Nathan remembered Miss Jane had handed him a letter from William, but he had stuffed it in his pocket to save later. He glanced around the dark room where everyone slept, unwrinkled the blotched paper, and struggled to read without a light.

Dear Family,
I must first thank you for inviting us for Christmastime. I miss those days with Pa. Penny and Marissa has made it safe off the train, and are back home. How is everyone? A fellow soldier from Richmond has gotten a letter that his family was killed in a riot fire. I was afraid that didn’t happen to our house. I hope you are all safe. I am safe for now; unfortunately I cannot tell you when this war will die down. But I do beseech soon. Please send my love to everyone, and these white roses which are enclosed and probably withered to just a stem, but I would wish you place them where Elijah Bobby lay.
Love
William Parker

They hadn’t told William that they were in an asylum or there house had burned down, but Nathan assumed they would have to soon. Nate opened the letter where a dead flower was squished between his words; its beauty had died off, but not its strong smell. Petals flew to the ground until all was left was a stem. He could hear everyone’s soft breathing, but he couldn’t get to sleep, so he decided to reply to his letter.

Dear William,
I am glad Penny and Marissa are safe, and I will put the flowers by his grave. But there is some bad news I should tell you. Our house, including many others, was burnt down. It was a tragic sight, but everyone is safe in the refugee asylum. We will pray for you.
Nathan
Nathan left the letter on the floor and walked out to see the midnight sky that matched his eyes, glowing all over Virginia. He walked to where Elijah Bobby lay and placed the flower beside him. He glanced up at the sparkly stars and was tempted to sleep here, but he wouldn’t. There were loved ones inside where he belonged with.
He lay back on the dirty asylum floor, and whispered under his breath, “Goodnight everyone,” though he knew no one heard him.

22
Home Sweet Home

Cassie
I sat on the bank of the creek, silent in my thoughts. I had a piece of paper and pen in front of me to write a letter to Papa. He would be so ashamed that our house had burned down. He would even care more about the crops then us.
“Cassie. Are you okay baby girl?” Lena asked coming up behind me. She and Gideon were in a separate part of the refuge asylum; a part just for slaves. Not that there were many slaves, because most had run off, or their owners didn’t care where they were.
“I guess I’m okay. I’m trying to write a letter to Papa, except I don’t know how to word it. He was devastated when Annabelle died, but he probably won’t care that we’re homeless. He’ll probably only care about the crops that burned.”
“What are you talking about?” Lena demanded. “You said yourself that he was so sad when Annabelle died. Why wouldn’t he care about you?”
“Because, he loved Annabelle the most, and that’s why he cared.” Lena looked at me like I was crazy. “What do you mean he loved Annabelle the most? He loved you and Alexis too.” I shrugged. “I guess he sort of loved us, but Alexis is a wild girl; she was a wild baby. And I was a wild child. Now I’m not, but before Papa left I was. Papa likes calm people. He and my mama were very calm people. So was Ellen, Alexis’s mother; until she became crazy.”
Lena looked at me sadly. “I guess that is sorta true baby girl, but he did love you; I know he did. You might not think so, but I know so.” I turned my back on Lena, and started the letter.
Dear Papa,
There has been a terrible fire in Richmond, and it burned our house as well as many others in the area. We are all fine, including Lena and Gideon, who have stayed with us faithfully until the end. Please come back Papa, we need you. We need you to come back and rebuild our lives.
I stopped at that point. Uncle Carl could probably rebuild our lives just as well as Papa could, but I couldn’t tell Papa that.
We are living in the refugee asylum in downtown Richmond. Please, Papa, come. We need you. Alexis and I need you. Even Uncle Carl needs you.
We love you Papa,
Cassie
I sealed the envelope, and walked back to the refugee asylum.
Later
I lay in my bed and looked up at the ceiling as everyone around me got ready for bed. I thought back through the past year. Addie moving in, Mr. Parker, Papa, Will and Adam all going to war, Ellen dying, Nathan going to war, Bernadette Rogers coming and going, Grandma coming and going, Uncle Carl coming and then leaving for war, and then coming back, Elijah Bobby dying, Penny and the baby’s, Annabelle dying, the fire, and so much more. It had been a year of tears and laughter. Well, especially tears. I looked around at the people I loved most: Addie, Nathan, Uncle Carl, Alexis, Mrs. Parker, Gabby, Adam, and Alice. Even though the year had been tough and hard, I had done it with the people I loved most.

Adelaide
Adelaide sat on the floor with Alice and Annabelle as everyone else gabbed on over worries for the future. She was supposed to be watching them as she waited for Nathan and Adam to come back from work, but her thoughts drifted ever so softly from one matter to another.
First of all her thanks to the Lord that the fire squad on their clanging wagons had stopped the raging fire in time with their buckets of water before it spread any farther down the street. It has been a few days since then; that night that had only changed things even more than how they already were. If Adelaide hadn’t become the stronger girl she is now, that night probably would have rocked her too hard. It almost scared her to think of what she would do. And maybe it should have been scary to be living here in a refugee asylum with other homeless citizens missing beloved soldiers in the war to provide for them. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t because she was surrounded with love, protection, and everything else she needed for the future. So she wasn’t worrying any longer. She had her family; she had her home.
Adelaide had also learned that frightening night that it wasn’t just Adam or Nathan that had saved them all. There was someone else who had saved her and Cassie, and had still managed to save Aunt Ruthie also. Addie found it hard to cry over her aunt now, because she knew where she was. No matter that she had been trapped in smoke downstairs after falling unconscious and had been lost to them all, she had still been rescued. And now she has gotten the chance to meet her rescuer. Ruth was with the Lord, where she belonged.

Addie stood in the lobby line for supper. Everyone else had already gotten their share and were waiting for her back in their room. A lady Addie recognized from the mission downtown was serving, and as she came to her she wouldn’t even look her in the eye. She just plopped a spoonful of mashed potatoes, an almost-thin-to-nonexistent slice of beef, and an apple wedge. Addie stayed put, and looked up into the woman’s eyes. She didn’t need to ask, the woman had most-likely gotten enough complaints to deal with already.
“Look; you got about everything off the food chart ya’ need: there’s your meat, your vegetable, and your fruit. What else do you need?”
“What else you got?” Adelaide asked with hopeful eyes.
The woman sighed. “That’s all we got; we’re runnin low on supplies. But you go eat it and be grateful.” She gave her a look that made Addie feel ashamed and turn around contented.
Then a voice stopped her.
“Please misses…she’s got a baby comin soon and she needs enough food for the both of em…”
Adelaide knew that voice. Suddenly she remembered the dark shivering night and her reflection in the fountain, full of fear. She could feel the heat of the smoke blowing in her face and Ruth’s scream downstairs as flames broke out. This was the man…the man that had accused Mac as a spy; the man that started the rumors about them. They were just as poor, perhaps poorer, living with their enemies just as she was. After all, they were her enemies! She thought of what she could do…condemn them with shouts until they were put out, order the police over and show them to prison for having part in arsony. Then she heard the preacher’s words at Ruth’s funeral that had seemed at the time meant for her, though it could be meant for all of them. Love thy neighbor; love your enemies…These people fit both and deserved it, didn’t they? Now was a time of war and chaos, it left most everyone at fault whether brother or not.
Adelaide clutched her plate tightly and turned around to face them. For the first time she could look the man in the eye; who wasn’t much to look at. The woman that stood taller than him was dressed just as shabbily. But she did not look pregnant; they were too old. It was probably just another lie. Lying to survive. Adelaide could only shake her head as she tried to find words. Neither of them recognized her.
“What you lookin at? You need sometin?” The man growled.
“No…I just thought you could use some food. You two look hungry enough. Here; you can take my platter. And wish the baby good health for me.” She smiled sweetly, seeing the change in the strangers’ faces. The woman looked to her feet, with the look of guilt. She didn’t say anything. Adelaide held out the plate until she took it, and when the woman did their eyes locked. Suddenly the woman gasped and dropped the food. The man growled again and bent down to pick up the leftover scraps. When he stood back up to straighten out his back he saw Adelaide too, for the first time. They understood and Addie recognized that same look of fear in their eyes she had been filled with too often. Her voice went soft and dry.
“I wish you all well,” was all that came to her throat. They both nodded. The woman lowered her eyes and murmured words that only Addie could hear. “You too. We wish you all well.” She was trembling.
“Addie! Come on! Has your food rotted by now? Join us so we can say grace and let’s eat!” Nate’s head appeared out their room’s door down the hall. For a moment she heard the beautiful sound of gibberish from the voices only she could know as familiar. The room would be warm, she knew, no matter how cold the food really was.
Adelaide turned around one last time after whispering back to the distraught couple. “I forgive you.” She joined Nate in the hall and walked with him to her home now…their home sweet home temporarily. And she didn’t look back.

Nathan
Nathan peered over Cassie’s shoulder where she covered her face, trying to hide her tears. She was reading a letter, and Nathan assumed it wasn’t good news. It didn’t sound like tears of joy.
She looked over flabbergasted to see him watching her. She snatched the letter and threw it on the ground. Nathan’s hand reached down to pick it up, but her small hand pushed it away.
“No, I mean he isn’t coming, at least as soon as I hoped. I don’t know if I could bear another day in this place!”
“Just look on the bright side, for now you have your uncle, who has strived a lot to make you happy. And you have us, everyone around you… whenever you need comfort, and you have Someone who looks over you every day, and answers your prayers. Draw closer to Him, and He will draw closer to you.” Nate’s voice tuned out, almost like he was only talking to himself, not Cassie. “You will never feel solitude.” Cassie flushed at his words, realizing she was acting like an infant, complaining and foolish enough to forget that the Lord was there for her.
“Adelaide, Cassie, come on lets get out of here for some fresh air for once.” Nate whispered, for everyone around them was sleeping. Nathan reached out his hand towards Addie and lifted her from the asylum floor. “Where?” she asked. Nathan ignored the question, and picked his cane up, Cassie following behind. “I just got back from the creek.” She let out a deep worn out breath, trying to catch up with them.
It was as if the sight of the burnt ashes from where their memories started, and their homes used to stand, made them stop automatically to glance over. Nate walked over toward a lump of the remains from his house and picked it up holding it in his hand. He looked up at the sky from where the sun shone bright, and dropped the dirt. A deep sigh had come out, and it wasn’t odd until he noticed it came from him. He turned his back from the place, and headed toward where he heard the heavenly sound of rushing water.
Two shadows followed him without protest. Nathan’s foot thanked him after he took his boot and stocking off, from almost being glued in the shoe. He dropped his cane, rolled up his trousers, and pushed himself off from the grass where he slid into the cool but very refreshing water.
“Nathan! Are you crazy? That water must be freezing! It is February!” Cassie shouted.
“You know you want to join me, you just don’t have the guts for it.” He smiled, knowing that would have to draw her in. “Fine!” she picked up her dress and waded, her feet gently danced across each smooth stone. Adelaide stepped in the water and sat on a rock sticking out of the water. Nathan looked at his reflection in the water where his face had gotten dirtier since the last time he looked. He dunked his face in the water wiping the scum off of his skin. He floated towards Adelaide.
“What are you going to do in the future Cassie? What are we all?” Adelaide turned towards Cassie for her expected answer.
“I am not sure. Mayhap once Pa comes home I’m hoping we can all go back to being a family as we were. But I am not sure when that will be, whenever the Lord plans it. I am hoping that will be soon.” The water splashed under her feet which jumped from every stone after each word. “We all do, Cassie. We all do.” He repeated the sound of it, enjoying his words which were getting into a habit for him. “What about you Adelaide? What are you going to do?” Cassie asked. “I am thinking once Adam gets the money, we can find a nice home and we’ll just have to live without parents. And I think we can manage that.”
“Are you going back to New York?”
“I hope not. I mean I miss my home, but the part I missed about it was everyone within it. And some of that everyone is missing. I would rather stay in Richmond, with all of you.”
“Well what about you and Nathan? You both know you couldn’t marry anyone other than each other.”
Adelaide blushed looking down to Nate who was looking at the sky smiling. “I assume he heard the question, and knows the answer.” Cassie chuckled.
“Nathan, what about you?”
“I think my next step will be working towards building a new house, for Gabby and ma to live in. But other than that I think I will just be a carpenter, until my bones get so old, I will settle on being a … preacher.” he laughed at the thought and they joined.
“Then I will be the first person to come see your first sermon.” Cassie smiled. “Make that two of us. I promise.” Adelaide smiled looking back down at him.
“You better.” Nathan grinned. “You better.”